So, I have been feeling pretty bad about myself lately. In fact, as I type this, I am crying. (That could be from a lack of sleep, in addition to my issues...) I feel like I am not good enough most of the time. My house is so dirty. Really, you should see my toilet. I never make dinner anymore, so we have gained so much weight since the boys were born cause all we eat is junk. Because of this Josh's doctor thinks he may have diabetes. It used to be my job to take care of him, and now I can hardly take care of the boys, let alone Josh or myself. I feel like I often am so busy doing chores that I don't even spend time with the boys. And I hate that, but it has to get done sometime. And I feel so fat. Out of shape. Ugly. I have zits everywhere from the lack of sleep, stress & bad eating habits.
Then I read a story (in last weeks People) about this mom who died 27 hours after her daughter was born from a blood clot that went into her lung. 27 hours was all she had with her beautiful little girl.
Then I heard another story about a boy adopted from China who spent three years lying on his back without any physical stimulation because he had a cleft palate and the orphanage workers thought he had the mark of the devil.
And then I can't believe myself. And am so thankful that the Lord places these reminders in my path. That all is well. And that He is in control. I am blessed by these reality checks.
-No one cares how dirty my toilet is. Or my shower, or my bookshelves.
-Josh is a grown man who can take care of himself. And who will also take care of me, if I will just let him.
-I devote plenty of time to my boys. They are happy, healthy & well cared for always. Chores are chores & sometimes they have to get done.
-And lastly, I spent the better part of last year growing TWO human beings INSIDE OF ME. The last 13 weeks on a 10 grams of fat or less per day diet. And I kept them in there for 37 weeks. Then, 8 weeks after my c-section, I had my gallbladder removed.
I think maybe I could cut myself a little slack.
I love my husband, heart & soul, and he knows it. I love my children, I cherish their existence & know that I am blessed to have a healthy family. So even if I am not perfect most days, from now on, I am going to enjoy the moment, know that I am doing the best that I can and try not to worry about the ten pounds (mostly from onion rings & pizza) that have made a cozy home under my stretch-mark covered belly.
I am now going to crawl into my warm bed, next to my best friend & dream of all the fun I am going to have tomorrow playing with my boys & avoiding chores!
Then I heard another story about a boy adopted from China who spent three years lying on his back without any physical stimulation because he had a cleft palate and the orphanage workers thought he had the mark of the devil.
And then I can't believe myself. And am so thankful that the Lord places these reminders in my path. That all is well. And that He is in control. I am blessed by these reality checks.
-No one cares how dirty my toilet is. Or my shower, or my bookshelves.
-Josh is a grown man who can take care of himself. And who will also take care of me, if I will just let him.
-I devote plenty of time to my boys. They are happy, healthy & well cared for always. Chores are chores & sometimes they have to get done.
-And lastly, I spent the better part of last year growing TWO human beings INSIDE OF ME. The last 13 weeks on a 10 grams of fat or less per day diet. And I kept them in there for 37 weeks. Then, 8 weeks after my c-section, I had my gallbladder removed.
I think maybe I could cut myself a little slack.
I love my husband, heart & soul, and he knows it. I love my children, I cherish their existence & know that I am blessed to have a healthy family. So even if I am not perfect most days, from now on, I am going to enjoy the moment, know that I am doing the best that I can and try not to worry about the ten pounds (mostly from onion rings & pizza) that have made a cozy home under my stretch-mark covered belly.
I am now going to crawl into my warm bed, next to my best friend & dream of all the fun I am going to have tomorrow playing with my boys & avoiding chores!
