three summers of love

{Jack & Logan}

August 2008- 2 months old

{Jack & Logan}

August 2009- 1 year & 2 months old

{Jack & Logan}

August 2010- 2 years & 2 months old

baby love...

I absolutely LOVE these pictures my mom captured of Jack giving me kisses. He is the best kisser.  He gives a big "SMACK!" every time.  And he loves to hold my face while he kisses me. I guess I better enjoy it. Pretty soon he'll be too cool to kiss his mama with such intense LOVE!

an absence...

{Logan}

I realize that there has been "radio silence" for an entire week now.  Sorry about that.  I have taken up working out. (Pretty exciting to me!) And that means nap time is spent working out & eating lunch instead of eating lunch & blogging.  Then with working out, I am dead tired at night. So no blogging for me!

(For those of you interested- my workout includes Mama Wants Her Body Back Workout DVD's & walking or bike riding. There are 3 Total Body workouts that are 20 minutes each, and 3 Abs workouts that are 10 minutes each on the Mama Wants DVD. I try to do one Total Body & one Abs each day.  On the days I know I won't have time to do a workout video during nap time or after bed time, I take the boys on an hour long walk along the waterfront in the morning, or Josh & I take them on a family bike ride.)

{Jack}

Also, we have been spending a lot of time together, just hanging out.  We've been bike riding, playing in the pool in the front yard, and just visiting with our boys.  They are such chatty little creatures lately. I love it. They will randomly talk about memories of visiting Great Grandma or camping.  It's been fun.

On the job front, there isn't a job yet for Josh.  And it looks right now like I will be headed back to Lincoln in a few weeks. While it breaks my heart to think of leaving the boys, I know I got through two years, and I can make it through another.  And besides that, I am still holding out hope that Josh will get a job offer. That God will come through in the eleventh hour.

So that's where we're at and what we're up to...

So glad to be back!

perspective

 Every once in a while, I lose perspective.

 When these kids are driving me crazy, and I am pretty sure that God gave me twins to test my sanity, I lose it. I forget that someday this will be a memory. I forget that every moment with these boys is precious.  That while I am agonizing over the mold in the bathroom and the fact that I can't use the bathroom alone anymore, they are growing up.  My babies are becoming boys who will turn into men.  I forget that someday I will have my house back. Someday I will have my body back. Someday I will have my hobbies back. And, perhaps most importantly, someday I will have my sleep back.

And just when I've really lost perspective, and I am beating myself up for not being the perfect parent (... for yelling, for working too much & not playing enough...) God takes the most unlikely opportunity to shift my focus. 

Yesterday it was at the 10:00pm showing of The Kids Are All Right in Clackamas with my mom & sister.  We had spent the entire afternoon in a childless bliss; shopping, eating, having uninterrupted conversations... it was delightful.  And to top it off, we shared some late night Panda Express & bought tickets for the movie.  The movie was, um, unexpected & interesting. I loved it, though. Despite the nudity (!) and unique story line, it spoke to me. 

Basically a lesbian couple has two children (one born of each mother) and the older daughter reaches 18 years of age and chooses to contact her sperm donor.  But this is all despite the point. In the movie, it's her last summer at home. Come August, she packs up and heads to college, where her moms & brother leave her to start her grown up life.  And it was in watching that moment, the departure of her parents, that I realized how fleeting our time with our nuclear family really is.

This nuclear family that Josh and I have created is all I ever wanted in my whole life. Yet, in reality, if I'm lucky, it will last about two decades. That's it. Twenty-ish years of being "Mommy" and having children's laughter in my home everyday.  Then they will leave my nest, following their own life-long dreams, and seeing them through to fruition.

 {My first birthday, November 1983}

When thinking of my own nuclear family, where I am the mom, I can't help but think of the nuclear family where I was the daughter. 

{Dallas & I, at our first house}

I think of my mom and my sister. Of my brothers. Our pets. Our homes. Our memories.
It felt, when I was in it, like it would last forever. 

 {Me & Roxanne}

And then all of a sudden it was August 7th, 2003 and I was upstairs in my sister and I's beautiful 1926 bedroom with the vanity & creepy attic door, packing. I remember shoes. Shoes were everywhere.  And I kept trying to call the radio station to have them play us a song. It felt like we were breaking up. Like within the cosmos, a shift was occurring and someone needed to take note. I knew that nothing would ever be the same. That bedtime would no longer entail the recounting of three days (mom's, mine, Roxanne's). That it would no longer mean giggling until Dad came up to yell at us. That I would no longer have someone to tell me which necklace went with which shoes. I knew it was the end of an era. And I was heartbroken.  

 {August 2007}

How, then, will I feel when it is my children leaving the nest?  When I am the one left behind. Not the one with the adventures to be had.  Because as much as I was saddened to leave my girls, I was overjoyed to finally (!) be Mrs. Cunningham and live with Josh. To fall asleep with him each night and wake up next to him each morning, to share our meals, to share our life. Everyday. At least I had that.

 {Jack, Mommy & Logan - 2 weeks old}

I told Josh tonight that I will be that mom. You know the one... She's crying at the first t-ball practice, the first day of school, the first poop in the potty... I'm totally gonna be that girl. Oh, lordy, help us all!  

 {Kisses for Jack}

I joke, but honestly, I needed this reminder. That over time I will ever so slowly shift back to "Shelly". That "Mommy" will be a smaller part of my life. It is bittersweet to imagine. I love the idea that I will once again scrapbook or mop. I love the idea that I will have phone conversations without interruptions.  But I can hardly bear the thought that my boys will have entire lives that I may know little to nothing about. That I will pour all my energy for the next sixteen years into these boys, praying that my love will be enough for them, that they will grow up to be honorable, respectable, successful men, only to stand on the porch waving as they leave me.  

 {Kisses for Logan}

Today, just knowing that someday I will look back upon this time in my life as "the time of my life", I found an extra reserve of patience, an extra bounty of hugs, and a new awe for their eyelashes, fingers and toes.

 As Jack tattled, "Mommy, Logan open dryer," I thought, "How amazing that he knows I need to turn it back on!" And as Logan put his boots on the wrong feet, insisting he do it himself, I thought of how tiny his feet were when I first brought him home, and none of the socks we had would stay on his toesies.  

I found that in looking forward, I was also looking back.

 That in anticipating the future, I was also discovering how far we've come.

::  ::  ::

"The happiest moments of my life have been the few which I have passed at home in the bosom of my family." 
~Thomas Jefferson

{So Happy Together}

{August 8, 2003}

Imagine me and you, I do

I think about you day & night

It's only right...

To think about the boy you love

and hold him tight

{So happy together}

If I should call you up

invest a dime

And you say you belong to me

and ease my mind

Imagine how the world could be

So very fine

{So happy together}

I can't see me loving nobody but you

For all my life

When you're with me

Baby the skies will be blue

For all my life

Me & you

And you & me

No matter how they tossed the dice

It had to be

The only one for me is you

and you for me

{So happy together}

 Me & you

And you & me

No matter how they tossed the dice

It had to be

The only one for me is you

And you for me

{So happy together}

~

Today marks seven years since I married my best friend. 
And while I know it sounds cliche, it's true. 
Josh is my confidante, my husband, my co-parent & my every breath. 
I love him and rely on him every day.  

And I am so thankful we are so happy together.

Camp Cougar

 Our second family camping trip

{August 1-4}

We arrived at Cougar on Sunday and my mom immediately took the boys so Josh & I could set up camp.  We worked really well as a team, and the boys LOVED exploring their new world with Nanny.

Little Logan down by the lake

Bringing the boys camping is a bit nerve wracking, and requires a lot of stuff, but was so much fun last year & this year, that I have to say it worth all the effort. But we really do have to bring A LOT of stuff: TWO playpens; TWO high chairs; TWO {tiny} camp chairs; TWO pairs of boots, sandals & tennis shoes; and TWO {adorable} toddler trikes.

We camped along with my parents, my nephew Isaiah, my sister Roxanne & her husband Blake, plus their son Ferris. It was so much fun to have Roxanne along this year!

Jack, chowing down on his baby oranges. 

The boys favorite thing to do, hands down, at camping, was riding their trikes.  They pedaled their hearts out, riding up & down the street in front of our camp sites.  Their favorite part of riding was going over the speed bump.

Logan, telling me where the water was.

My mom's dog Sunny.

(Remember her from last year? My, how she has grown!)

The boys' {tiny} Woody & Buzz camp chairs, and their first S'mores ever.

A moment to remember!

Jack really liked the chocolate & marshmallow.

Didn't really need the graham!

Logan preferred searching for the chocolate.

He could do without all the other stuff.

My absolute favorite thing about camping this year was that Josh & I decided to throw the boys' schedule to the wind. Shocking, I know. It's unlike us to stray from their schedule for even an hour.  But the boys are older now, and Josh & I are more confident in our parenting, so we went for it.  In the evenings the boys would wander from person to person, eating S'mores & snuggling.

{Kisses!}

As it would get dark, the boys would say the sun was going "night-night" or to "sleep" because that's what my mom told them. Then they would talk about the stars coming out. Logan didn't really care for the dark. He kept saying, "Dark in there," (Meaning it was dark "out here"). So cute.

We would put them to bed whenever they started getting sleepy eyes.  And they slept fantastic.  Logan woke up one night, and Jack woke up another night. On the third night, they both slept through the night! We were so relieved. They did wake up early, but we're used to that. And the lake was so beautiful in the morning.

 We would go shower or go for long walks in the mornings to kill time and not wake up the entire campground.
The boys really loved the bridge over the creek.

They liked to peer over the edge and down to the rocks & bubbling water below.
I love this picture of them.
Especially Logan's little face resting on his hands.
Precious.

{my happy logan bogans}

Luckily they are pretty cheerful boys in the mornings. So that made it easier to get up with them.

{Jack}

Besides bike rides, walks & creek watching, the boys LOVED playing in the back of Papa's truck.

Adorable Ferris in Papa's hat

The boys were in heaven spending all that time with Isaiah & Ferris. They LOVE them.  Logan especially loves Ferris. He'll hug him, but he really just likes to rub his head.  It's so sweet to witness.

When Isaiah lets the boys do "big kid" things with him, they feel super cool.
Such as sitting on the tailgate eating breakfast.   
They're so cool!

APE CAVES:

Papa leading the boys to the Ape Caves.

Papa & Isaiah

Josh & Jack

Me & Logan

Ready to head down...

{The Cunningham Family}

The boys really enjoyed going into the caves.  Logan wanted to walk by himself the whole time, which we couldn't allow. So in this picture he looks upset.  But otherwise, they really were troupers. I was surprised that the dark didn't seem to bother them. 

For those of you who don't know, the Ape Caves were named for the people who found them. They called themselves the Mt. St. Helens Apes, and in the 1950's they discovered these lava tubes that run almost parallel to the land.

Papa & Isaiah

{Logan & Jack}

My brave explorers

{Jack}

{Logan}

I love this picture.

They look so identical!

They guys would go fishing each night after dinner:

Papa caught a fish!

Josh said even though all he caught was a stick & a three inch bull fish, he enjoyed the peacefulness of the lake at dusk.

 It is so peaceful.

Meanwhile mom & I would entertain the boys.

Here Jack is swinging at the "park", which leaves something to be desired.

We also invented toddler approved sports, like rock climbing where you stand & shout "Touchdown" once you reach the top; and then jump off and land in the dirt.

"Touchdown Jack!"

"Touchdown Logan!"

 

Could you just eat him?

Our second night at camp, Josh's parents & nephew Ethan came to hang around the campfire with us. The boys got some good grandma snuggles in, and it was nice to have an extra set of hands around.  We had fun eating S'mores, talking & laughing.

One morning we went to a different spot on the lake & let the boys practice throwing rocks. They had so much fun watching the splashes they could make. Logan liked to throw BIG rocks, and Jack liked throwing LOTS of little pebbles. 

Lately everything we come upon is a train track.  And this log was no exception.
I held Jack's hand as he chug-chug-chugged along.

The boys enjoyed playing with Ferris (and his toys) on his play quilt. And when Roxanne joined them & started reading, they were overjoyed!

When we were down by the water, Jack preferred to stay on land. This bummed me out, but I am not the mom who forces her kid to swim. He'll get into it eventually. The lake is kind of overwhelming compared to the tiny pool we have our swim lessons in.  So he just dug his little heart out in the sand. 

The boys really enjoyed exploring nature. They liked picking leaves & flowers, and jumping over rocks & roots.

I love when they hold hands so much.  It just warms my heart.

Jack & Logan

Happy boys!

Jack

 Logan

I love this one of the boys.

They look like such big kids.

It is just so amazing to me.

When did they grow up?

 Those big boys hanging around this adorable baby doesn't help their "big kid" status. 

Each time I see them hug or kiss Ferris, I realize how big they have gotten!

Mommy & her bubs

Out on the dock

Logan, Mommy & Jack

When I see this, it takes my breath away. It's just so beautiful.

I can see why my parents have been bringing us here for 24 years.

The last morning we fed the boys breakfast while Josh & I scrambled to get as much packed as possible while they were contained.  They were really good boys & we got packed up in about an hour and a half. 

When we were finally loaded up and on the road home, we realized we had brought with us a stowaway... This little field mouse popped his head up on the windshield as we were pulling onto the  highway.

We ended up having to pull over and let him scamper off into the woods.  

-

Overall, I would say that this camping trip was awesome. The setting was beautiful,the boys had perfect behavior, I felt so relaxed without the schedule stressing me out, and Josh enjoyed a little fishing. It was the perfect family vacation!