by the numbers

Today is November 16th. 

This means that 

in 2 days I will turn 29 years old

in 3 days I will move in with my mother & father-in-law

in  8 days I will celebrate what may be my last Thanksgiving in Vancouver for a long time

in  14 days I will turn in the keys to our duplex

in 37 days I will see my husband again

in 39 days I will celebrate Wyatt's first Christmas

in 45 days I will ring in the New Year with a kiss

and in 52 days I will get on a plane to Anchorage

spend 1 night there

catch 2 more planes

and eventually arrive at my final destination 

with 3 kids & 1 husband in tow...

Whew.

I'm exhausted already.

five months old

 My sweet baby Wyatt is five months old today.  He is such a blessing in my life.  He requires me to slow down, enjoy the moment & remember all I have to be grateful for.  When I stop to change his diaper & he coos at me, or when I get comfy on the couch to nurse him for a while, I can't help but see him for the miracle he is. He was an unexpected gift that I didn't know I would need.

---

That said, the little bugger is a lot of work lately! He's been waking up every three hours or so at night (after going seven hours for a while there!) and I am exhausted.  He doesn't like sleeping alone in his bassinet.  He'd much rather nurse & sleep with mommy, which is all well & good until Josh comes home (in 38 days!!!) and our now roomy bed becomes quite a bit smaller. On top of the sleep issues, he has decided he officially hates the car. He screams, with real tears, at such a pitch, my ears are still ringing from my trip with him this afternoon.  Lucky for him we're headed to a place where car rides will be few & far between.

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I have begun cloth diapering with Wyatt in preparation for our move to Alaska, and I am pleased to say it's going really well. I have half (12 diapers) Econobum, which are like the old school cloth diapers my mom did with my little brother.  They don't require pins, but it's a basic cotton cloth with a plasticky cover.  The other half (12 diapers) is BumGenius. I love the BumGenius.  If money were no object, I would have all (24 diapers) BumGenius diapers. They are a one size, all in one diaper, and come in lots of fun colors & fit Wyatt really well.  I use an oversized wet bag (a bag with a special liner) to collect the dirty diapers until I'm nearly out.  I do one load of cloth diapers every two days. I have used both Nellie's & Allen's natural laundry detergent.  I do a cold rinse, a hot wash & an extra rinse. Then hang dry the covers & low heat dry the inserts/cloths.  It's way simpler than I had imagined.  Of course, he's not on "people food" yet, so my feelings may change!

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His schedule right now is as follows:

7am (give or take) Daily wake up

9-10am Morning nap

12-2 or 1-3 Afternoon nap

5:30-6pm Cat nap

6-7pm Cranky Time (of course, during dinner, bath & bed time for his brothers!)

8pm Asleep for the night 

Wakes up to eat at 11pm, 3am & 5am

 ---

I'm not sure how often he eats, I don't really keep track, but I was telling Roxanne today that it's way less than it used to be (at least during the day). And the timing is perfect in that I have so much to do right now with the move & packing.

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And lastly, this baby is humongous! He is wearing 9 months clothes and with his new diaper bum all his six months clothes are TIGHT!  He weighs at least 20 pounds, and at his last appointment he was in the 98th percentile for weight.  Everyone teases me about my sweet, sumo baby, but I am so glad he's a big baby.  With temperatures in Marshall already dipping to 10 degrees below zero, I need him to have all the chubs we can pack on!
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All in all, I am in love. He's sweet, generally easy going, and always adorable.  And getting to experience a singleton after twins is proving priceless.

time

"Time is too slow for those who wait;

too swift for those who fear;

too long for those who grieve;

too short for those who rejoice;

but for those who love, time is eternity."

-Henry Van Dyke

It's been 14 weeks since Josh left. 

14 weeks since the boys hugged their daddy. 

14 weeks since he's helped with bath or bedtime.  

14 weeks since I've slept in.

14 weeks since we've had dinner together as a family.

14 weeks since he last took out the trash.

I miss him.

But I have found that for me it gets easier the further we are from having seen each other. For Josh, though, it's the opposite. The longer we're apart the more he misses me.  The more lonely he gets.  The more he misses the boys.

The good news?

Less than 6 weeks until we are together again. 

In 40 days I will see his smiling face,

and the boys will once again embrace their daddy.

Time is definitely too slow for those who wait...

home sweet home

(Jack & Logan)

 While packing up the last of the boys' belongings in the nursery I got a bit nostalgic, thinking about how tiny they were when we first brought them home here.  It amazes me how in three and a half years they have grown so much.

(Jack)

 Jack was 6 lbs. 13 oz. when he was born, and he probably weighed that when this picture was taken.  I never even saw Wyatt at that size! (He was 8 lbs. 14 oz. at birth). 

(Logan)

 And Logan was less than five pounds when we brought him home. (His birth weight was 4 lbs. 6 oz.) Wyatt was more than twice his size at birth.  Look at Logan's leg compared to Josh's arm in this picture!

(Jack)

 We were so blessed to have these beautiful, healthy twins that came right home with us. And when I look at them now, so strong & energetic, you would never know they were small at birth.

(Logan & Jack getting his piggies kissed by Daddy)

Looking back at our coming home pictures from June 2008, I realize just how quickly time is passing me by.  I am grateful to have had the twins & to know that infancy lasts the blink of an eye. It helps me in slowing down with Wyatt.  I can't wait to be in Marshall with Josh, together as a family, spending my days just playing with my kids & keeping the house.  How sweet it will be.

random

 As I was packing up my bedroom, I came across these. Is it weird that I still have my pregnancy tests? And that I know whose is whose? The lighter one is from the twins. I was only three weeks pregnant when I took it. I hadn't even missed a cycle yet.  And Wyatt's is the darker one. I was five weeks with him.  My sister tells me I am sentimental, almost to a fault. And after going through, piece by piece, every single thing I own (literally) I have to agree. Some of the things I have held on to all these years are ridiculous. Maybe these pregnancy tests are case in point, but to tell you the truth, I kept them. They're tucked safely away in a box in the storage unit...

Today at lunch Logan climbed up and was buckling himself into his booster seat and kept saying, "I'm re-buckling myself. Hi, re-buckle!" Then he would giggle cause it sounds like his cousin Rebecca's name. He's so silly.

Two of the boys favorite things to drive by are on our way to pre-school. One is the "Mater" (tow truck) that lives near the gas station and the other is the "flappy guy" that sits outside our local Aaron's store.  Today we were discussing that the flappy doesn't actually talk, but he does say silly things.  Logan told me he says, "Hey come look at my store!" in an accent, and Jack told me the flappy guy says, also in an accent, "I'm going on the toilet!"

And speaking of the toilet, there truly is never a dull moment around here.  About a week ago, Logan accidentally peed a little in his underwear. So he went to pick clean ones and got all excited because they love picking underwear now that I bought new ones.  So what does Jack do? Pees his pants on purpose so he, too, can pick new underwear. I almost died. I was so mad!  But I also saw the smart hilarity of it... In the end I didn't let him pick new ones, he had to choose from the old boring ones, that clever little stinker!

Then today, I was in the shower and the twins were fighting, so I made Jack come in the bathroom to serve a time-out with Wyatt (in the bouncer) and I (in the shower).  While in the bathroom he decided he needed to go potty, and as he opened the lid he dropped his Lightening McQueen car into.the.toilet. Ugh.

I have since retrieved Lightening from the depths of our nasty waters, but now I don't know what to do with him. Can I soak him in bleach? Or should I cut my losses and let him go? What to do? What to do?

Wyatt (4 mo.) Simon & Sidney (8 wks.) Milo (4 wks.)

Yesterday afternoon I convinced my mom to come run errands with us. We went to Ikea & Costco.  At Costco we got the boys frozen yogurt. Oh my goodness they had a good time feeding my mom and I bites and giving us brain freeze! They were giggling so hard- it was adorable.

And we went to Ikea in search of another octopus hang dry thing.  We never found the octopus, but we did meet two other sets of identical twins (girls, about 16 and boys, about one year). There we let the boys run wild. Ikea has these rooms connected by small, child-size holes in the walls, and after last night I have decided this is all I need for my Alaska house. Those boys ran through hole after hole for probably a half hour while I chatted it up with another twin-mom. It was like an amazing baby-sitter!

Proud Mama's Ang & Kris with twins Sidney & Simon

 After chatting with this fellow twin momma, I have to say I wouldn't go back in time for anything!  Remembering how panicked I would get when the boys would each run in a different direction and remembering the sleep deprivation and the two of everything (burp rags, bibs, diaper changes, feedings...) It made me tired just thinking of it. Besides running into this twin mom, I was also lucky enough to meet (finally!) my cousins newborn twins. They are eight weeks old (boy/girl) and just precious beyond belief. And while I do miss some things about the newborn stage with twins, mostly it's a blur of tears & frustration, so I truly don't envy them their situation.  Especially now that I have experienced a singleton, I see just how much more work twins are.  I am able to care for Wyatt with a sense of relaxation about me, whereas with the twins, I was referred to (by many people) as "the schedule nazi." I'd have missed my own wedding to keep them on their schedule.

Me & Wyatt, Ang & Sidney, Kris & Simon, Roxanne & Milo

This morning, after 2 two-hour sleep sessions last night, I was talking to Josh about the sleeplessness that accompanies having children.  It is ridiculous. I told him at this point, I don't even really feel tired anymore, I am just retarded. I can't follow conversations, I can't find words I'm looking for, I walk into a room, or start a conversation only seconds later to find I have no idea where I'm going... It's embarrassing. If we only knew before we started having children. I wonder, though, if we would have children if we knew. If we really knew. Oh, man. When you bring that first baby home from the hospital, and there you are, in your living room, with the weight of the world (this baby's entire existence) on your shoulders. Nothing can take your breath away like the weight of being responsible for another person's being.

Baby fever!!!  Simon, Sidney, Wyatt & Milo

Which brings me to another thing I've been pondering, should we have another child? If so, when? What if it's twins? When I was pregnant (in the beginning) I was so miserable, I was DONE! Then as the pregnancy progressed and my symptoms lessened, I opened my mind to the thought of more, and once he came, and I got to see how easy one baby is, I was fully on board with another baby.  But now I am feeling like I could picture our family finished with just the three boys... How do people know if they are done? Is it like love? You just do? I guess for us, time will tell.  I imagine when Wyatt is two, we will re-visit the topic and see what we think would be best for our family.  Until then, it's fun to think about.

My precious bundle

Lately I have been treating myself to some of my favorite movies after bedtime.  I have watched The Guardian, Love Actually & Sex and the City. I love how a good movie can transport you from your lonely, nearly empty living room to another place & time.

And speaking of my empty living room, this weekend we got everything moved into storage. Now I have to figure out what I need to take to Carol's when we go & what I need to ship to Marshall.  The district should be out again this week to try & approve the housing. If it's done, Josh will get keys shortly after that. If not, it'll be at least another week before they come back to check again. Josh is getting anxious to be in the new housing. He recently caught his eighth mouse (after running into one on the stairs going up as he was going down) and with their weather advisory yesterday & today, he said he can feel the walls literally shaking as the wind blows.  Plus they have run out of oil (which they use to heat) on a few occasions and that is a COLD situation to wake up to!

The weather in Marshall has been crazy. The other morning it was three degrees below zero, and that's not even taking into account the windchill.  They have heavy snow, and snow drifts that in some places are a few feet deep already!  This morning Josh said it was 37 degrees and he felt "warm" when he stepped outside.  I guess it's a good thing that I got the boys serious winter gear for this adventure!

 The boys are loving pre-school.  During lunch they always tell me their favorite part of the day, which is usually going outside to play.  They love all their school friends and always ask who is going to be there which days. It has been such a blessing for me to have three days a week where I know I am going to have a three hour break in which to relax or get things done sans two three-year-olds.  We started at two days a week, but when Josh called to tell me the housing wasn't complete and we wouldn't be joining him until after Christmas break, the first phone call I made was to Maria, the director, to see if there were more openings.  I'm telling you, it's been a life saver.  Worth every penny. And it's not just me who is benefiting, I can see big changes in the boys. They can put on their own coats and shoes; they actually clean up when I tell them to; and they are sharing & listening to each other in a way I've never seen before.

Knowing how well they're doing in this structured setting, I wish I'd done swim lessons this fall.  We used to swim once a week before I had Wyatt & Josh left.  They miss it so much, and so do I.  In the bathtub they put their whole faces in the water & blow bubbles and at my mom's house (she has a super deep tub) they "dive", sliding down the angled end into the water, splashing as much as they can. It's adorable. Maybe this summer while we're home we can get them signed up for lessons. I just know they would love it and really flourish.

The other day Jack spent the afternoon with Grandma Carol and I came out of my room to find Logan washing Wyatt's feet with wipes. He had taken off Wyatt's socks (as he always does) and was rubbing his feet. They were all fuzzy with black lint, which Logan found it necessary to remove.

So I can't remember (and am too lazy to look back) if I ever gave you our new timeline for the big move.  The plan is for me to move in with Josh's parents on the 19th of this month (the day after my 29th birthday!) and then work my butt off to sell, store & ship everything I need to before I have to turn in my keys on the 30th.

Then I will spend a few weeks taking care of the boys & any final paperwork stuff. And finally on December 23rd Josh will fly in to Portland to celebrate Christmas and the New Year with us. And our family of five will depart PDX on January 7th.

Samuel, Laura, Josh, Andrea, Christine & Julie

With my move imminent, I will likely be blogging more about Josh's family, since we'll be together a ton during the holidays and up until we depart. So I thought I would post the Cunningham family tree for you all.

Carl & Wyatt

Carol & Josh

Carol & Carl are Josh's parents

And the following are his siblings:

Lisa (& Thomas)
-Mariah, 16
-Rebecca, 13

Julie (& Conrad)
-Alvin, 14
-Ethan, 13
-Isaac, 8

Christine

Andrea (& Taylor)
-Gustav, 3
-Gisele, 8 months


Joshua (& me, Shelly)
-Logan, 3
-Jack, 3
-Wyatt, 4 months

Laura


Samuel

Laura & Samuel

Between Josh & Laura there was a baby, a sister, Margaret, who tragically died of SIDS at two months old.  So in total there are eight kids in his family. 

And for those who wish to know The Raatz Family:

Barry & Marilynn are my parents

Dalton (& Isaiah, 12)

Shelly & Josh (+ Logan, Jack & Wyatt)

Roxanne & Blake (+ Ferris & Milo)

Dallas, Josh, Shelly, Marilynn, Barry, Blake, Isaiah, Roxanne & Dalton

I am thinking, after looking at these family pictures, that we need (on both sides) to do family pictures this holiday season. The pictures I have are either old, or missing somebody! For sure when Josh gets home I want to get family pictures for the five of us, but pictures with everyone would be cool, too. Maybe we could outside shots again when we are home this summer. I think photographing that many people inside would prove challenging!

Our baby

People often ask me if Wyatt looks like his brothers and I tend to say yes, imagining that he does look like them. But today I actually looked back in their four month album and found these.  So I have to change my answer. I don't think he looks much like his brothers at all.

Logan

Wyatt

Jack

My dad came over the other day & was showing me how Wyatt likes to get down.  He had him smiling & laughing so hard- it was adorable. Of course, the pictures I got of him smiling were blurry, but these ones were cute.

 And mom got him all bundled up for me Saturday when we went to the parade- how cute is he? My little polar bear.

He fell asleep on the floor Sunday morning with his brothers playing around him. He looked surprisingly relaxed for all the dangerous action going on around him.

 So my sister & I ended up with the same outfits for Wyatt & Milo and the other day we ended up at my mom's with the boys matching. It was so cute, we had to do a photo shoot!

 And finally... naked baby!

What means the most to me...

The other day when someone asked me, "Are you living your dream?" 

I didn't know what to say... I honestly had to think

I try to be so many places at the same time

Everyday a million things cluttering up my mind

Another feather falling off my wings

I climb so high, it gets hard to breathe

Forget to remember what I really need

What means the most to me is waking up next to you

Feel the morning breeze

You're my favorite thing in love

Coming home to your arms

When you kiss me hello

It's these simple things that mean the most to me

Mean the most to me

Every time that I have to leave

I feel like I am leaving a part of me

You're the only place I want to be

Nothing else matters, I just lose focus

Swinging all around cause you're the only one I notice

I can't help the way I feel

It doesn't matter if I win or lose

Cause

What means the most to me is waking up next to you

When you're holding me & have a little time to play
in your arms, rest your heart, laugh till it gets dark

It's these simple things that mean the most to me

No more days far away where I miss you

No more nights trying to fall asleep without you

From now on I'm always gonna be there

I won't miss another day that we won't share

I'll be there

Cause

You mean the most to me

You mean the most to me

Now that I'm here with you

I will stay by your side

I won't leave you this time, oh no

The next time someone asks me, "Are you living your dream?"

I guess I'll know what to say

I won't even have to think

~Colbie Caillat

What I 'm loving right now

 I am very behind on my blogging and feeling overwhelmed about everything.  So when I read Enjoying the Small Things tonight and saw a blog on what she's loving right now, I felt inspired.  These are the things I am loving right now...

 I'm loving the boys sharing like I have never seen. Warms my heart to hear them report proudly, "I'm sharing with my brother, mommy!"

 I'm loving Jack wanting to kiss Wyatt good-bye whenever he goes anywhere.

I'm loving Logan hugging his Daddy -pillow goodnight and whispering, "I miss you, Daddy."

I'm loving Jack talking about having snowball fights in Marshall...

I'm loving how much Logan missed Roxanne while she was busy having a baby.

I'm loving this butterball...

I'm loving that I took all three boys to the beach to visit my grandparents by myself...

I'm loving my grandpa... He's the best...

I'm loving how funny the boys are...

I'm loving every single picture of them in their costumes...

I'm loving how handsome they are...

I'm loving walking them in to pre-school three times a week... Parking the car, getting out, crossing the street with my little ducklings marching behind me, heading down the stairs to the Sunshine room, where their friends & teachers await us...

I'm loving how every morning they ask if Carly will be there...

I'm loving my parents... for listening when I cry and helping me when I need it...

{Photo courtesy of Logan Henry}

I'm loving my sister... for what she's going through bringing home baby #2 and for being there for me always...

I'm loving Jack for trying his oranges like Grandpa Jerry...

I'm loving Logan for loving his cousins Gustav & Gisele so stinking much!

I'm loving that the boys are off-the-charts excited to move in with Grandma Carol & have bunk beds...

I'm loving Jack for asking, "Are you crying mommy? Do you want your bubba?" whenever I'm sad...

I'm loving this baby boy for being so simply perfect...

I'm loving when Logan tells me stories about his {imaginary} friends and all the naughty things they do...

I'm loving that it's all boys in our family... How cute are they?

I'm loving that these boys adore each other...

I'm loving that someday they will adore each other, too...

I'm loving that I have one more holiday season to enjoy here with my family...
~
It's important as I am working to pack us up & move us 2,000 miles away that I keep positive and remember what I have to be grateful for.

I have an amazing support network. 

I have three beautiful sons.

Josh has a job. He's following his passion.

I am going to be a stay-at-home-mom with Wyatt.

I have my health.

And in addition to all those HUGE things, I have little moments everyday. Moments when Logan, out of the blue, tells me he loves me THIS MUCH. Or when Jack tells me quietly he needs another hug.  Or when Wyatt wakes up, sees my face, and breaks into the biggest dimply smile I've ever seen. Or when Josh texts me just to tell me that he's thankful for me and misses me.  Those little moments are what I'm loving right now.