stay-at-home mom

I was thinking, as I prepared for my wisdom teeth to be removed, arranging care for the boys and playdates to fill the time where I would not be available to them, that I am still amazed that I am a stay-at-home mom.

I am so grateful that I am the one to care for them.

I am so grateful that I am their mom.

They are exhausting.  They are frustrating.  They are hard work.

But they are worth it.

Sleepless nights, constant discipline, never ending laundry.

It's all part of the dream.

Everyday I wake up knowing that from sun up to sun down, I get to be there. I get to hug away tears, instill morals and witness moments.  Two and a half years in, and I am still humbled by God's plan for me to be home.

Watching Wyatt as he has said goodbye to Josh on a handful of occasions, I am forever grateful that I will never have to leave him.  When that bottom lip comes out... oh there is nothing sadder!  I remember leaving the twins. I remember the tears, missing nap time and wishing I was the one holding them.

Now I am.

And it still feels miraculous.

I am thankful to God for this plan for my life.

I am thankful to my mom for instilling in me the desire to be a stay-at-home mom,

and for being the best example I have seen.

But most of all, I am thankful to Josh for being the supportive, loving partner that he is,

and allowing me the privilege of being home, raising our beautiful sons.

it takes a village

I am still feeling crummy (nearly six days in) from my wisdom teeth extraction.  I went back to the dentist yesterday, and he assured me that my progress, while slow, is steady, which is what he wants to see. He said I might have a bit of dry socket on the lower right, where my pain is more persistent, but he was hesitant to pack it because that actually slows healing.

I assured him the pain was bearable, and promised to keep taking the vicodin, even though I loathe how it makes me feel.  I am able to eat a little more regular food, which has helped how I feel, and I have been able to nap a few times each day. 

I really thought once the weekend was over, I would be fine.  Josh has had professional development training in Portland all week, and since I thought I would be well, I had zero help lined up for the kids.

Thankfully my mom, sister and Josh's mom and sister Julie have really stepped up to the plate.

My mom has come everyday, taking care of the house (cleaning, cooking, doing laundry) and has made sure the boys have some fun each day.

My sister has popped over to drop things off, watched the boys at the last minute (and loaned me her car!) and been so helpful.

Josh's mom watched the boys Sunday afternoon and drove Josh to his meeting on Monday so I could have the car, just in case.

Julie came the day of surgery, as well as another day this week, and took the boys home with her, so I could rest in peace.  The boys had the best day, and I got to sleep.

It has been really hard to be down.  To take medicine that makes me dizzy and sleepy.  But having these women around who love me, love my kids, and are willing to sacrifice (time, work, effort) on my behalf, is amazing.

I almost feel embarrassed each day as I thank my mom for all she has done. I just can't believe that she loves me enough to stick around and wash my dirty sheets, feed my crazy children and vacuum our filthy carpet.

We are lucky to be so loved by so many.

That love is helping the healing process so much.

I guess that's why they say

it takes a village.

chocolate genes

Yesterday, despite feeling completely miserable with my wisdom tooth recovery, I went to a consult with an oncologist to discuss my risk of being a carrier for the BRCA-1 and BRCA-2 gene.  (A gene that predicts getting breast & ovarian cancer.)

There is breast cancer sprinkled throughout my grandparents' generation on both sides, and my grandma Pansy has quite a few cousins who passed away in their forties from it.  Knowing this, and the fact that my mom's mom (Grandma Beverly) was diagnosed with breast cancer at 36, I was curious about my risk.

The oncologist we met with was amazing. She spouted facts like she was a teacher, and listened carefully as I gave her my family history.  She said 12.5% of women will get breast cancer in their lifetime.  (1 in 7)  She said that most diagnoses of breast cancer is in women age 55-75 in their post-menopausal state.  She said pregnancy before thirty reduces risk because pregnancy lowers your estrogen level for an extended period of time, which is good for cancer prevention.  She said breastfeeding also lowers your body's estrogen, and is therefore also good for reducing breast cancer risk.

She said that because all the cancer is two generations above me, not in my parents' generation or mine, there is no increased risk for me.  She said there are all these women everywhere on my family tree, and so far, none of them have had it, so she would be shocked if I had the BRCA-1 or BRCA-2.  

She explained those gene mutations as protections that had been shut off.  We are born with tumor protecting genes, and other immunities, and for some reason, in certain families, these illness fighting genes get turned off.  Those fighter genes getting turned off (in the case of BRCA-1 & BRCA-2) increase your risk from 12.5% over your lifetime, to 87% chance of getting breast or ovarian cancer over your lifetime.

She suggested that I start getting mammograms at 40, and do monthly exams myself.  I have not been good about this in the past, but am going to start.  She also said that drinking will increase my risk, because it increases the amount of estrogen in your body, as does being fat.  And the last bit of advice she gave was to exercise. She said two women the same weight will not have the same risk-- if one is an excerciser, she will be the one less likely to get cancer.

I cannot tell you how relieved I am to be at a reduced risk, and I am going to start treating my body right.  I am thirty now, and it is time.

Meanwhile, I wanted to share with you all that the CHOCOLATE GENE is alive and well in the next generation, as you can see here.
Thank goodness!

{wink wink}

Party!!!

{Wyatt & Aunt Julie}

For his second birthday, Wyattt had his first birthday party.

He had a shared one with the twins last year, but was sick.

So this party was the real deal!

Family came,

like Isaac here,

ready to celebrate, 

like Tiffanie here.

{Milo & Wyatt}

{Uncle Bob & Aunt Linda}

{Roxanne & Milo}

We opened presents:

{Milo & Uncle Jon}

{Papa Barry, Uncle Jon, Milo, Roxanne, Ferris & Logan}

And we had cake:

He absolutely loved being sung to.

He blew out his own candles,

tried a little cake,

and requested that we sing again...

and again.

Four times in all.

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After bellies were filled with cake, the big boys (Logan, Ferris & Jack) retreated to Nanny's room with Abby (the dog) to relax and watch cartoons.

Meanwhile the little boys (Wyatt & Milo) played with Elmo.

It was exactly the kind of day I wanted.

With delicious food, lots of laughter, and good memories.

---

We are all so grateful for this little man.

He is a blessing in our lives,

and we do love him so!!!

cloudy recovery

I had hoped my recovery would go very quickly and I would be back up and running in short order.

Instead it's day two ( just past 48 hours since surgery) and I hurt. 

My head hurts, my mouth hurts, my stomach hurts. 

I am hungry and in pain.

I hate taking the vicodin for how it makes me feel, so I only take it when I am going to be sleeping, but that means the rest of the time I am suffering somewhat.

It is ridiculous to me that I had my entire abdomen cut open and babies taken out, and only took ibuprofen for pain... but four measly teeth were removed and I can't go more than six hours without serious pain meds.

I am icing a lot, which also helps with the pain.  But mostly I want to be 100% again, and caring for the boys.

I am not a good patient. Not really.  I get lonely and needy, and that's hard when you have three (also needy) children that your partner is having to care for on his own.

Thankfully our family (moms, dads, sisters and brothers) have been helping out.  

Yesterday was Josh's birthday, and I did nothing to prepare for it. Thankfully, he has a lot of people who love him, so it was still a special day.  People brought cards and gifts and his little brother even brought him a beautiful chocolate cake.  I am so grateful for all of that.

I am hopeful that another night's sleep under my belt will have me refreshed in the morning.  

Camping: Day Four

The last day of camping is always bittersweet.

But this year we did what we could to make it fun.

After we packed up camp and loaded the cars,

we took the kids swimming.

The boys LOVED swimming in their life jackets once they got used to them.

Jack got really good at floating on his back,

and it allowed them both a sense of independence in the pool.

I am so proud of what little fish they are.

And I spent plenty of time talking to Logan about his incident in the water.  He said he got too far from the wall and that he was scared, but not freaking out.

I am hopeful that the life jackets will both keep them safe, and also allow them to develop their skills in the water.

I was thinking why this summer I am suddenly feeling overwhelmed at the thought of swimming, and I figured it out.

Last summer we had only these guys...

And now this year we have him!

We are officially outnumbered.

I mean, we "had" him last year, but he just sat on the beach with a willing aunt or grandma. He wasn't walking, and he had zero interest in the water.

Now he's one of the boys, jumping in, playing games and splashing around.

I love that he wants to be in there with us.

And I am glad we found a way to make that possible.

(And safe.)

The last day we swam, he didn't stay in long. So I got to do an impromptu photo shoot on this awesome natural wood bench in the gorgeous sunlight in his adorable bathrobe.

He was very interested in the car on Uncle Conrad's shirt.

When we say "Uncle Conrad" in our house,

he says, "Uncle Conrad's silly," and grins.

This is my favorite of the shots I got.

And I like this one, too.

He's so yummy in that tiny bathrobe!

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After swimming we headed home for Vancouver, and the twins both fell asleep. I couldn't capture Jack cause he was behind me, but both boys passed out and their glasses fell off.  Hilarious!

Wyatt slept for a little bit... Until Julie had to tell us to pull over because we were about to lose our sleeping bags off the roof rack!  Thankfully, we didn't lose them, and Wyatt wasn't cranky on the ride home.  Luck was with us!

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Julie & I both talked about dreading going home.  You finally get there, and the real work begins. Unloading the car, emptying the coolers, unpacking the bags, washing the pillows, sleeping bags, towels and clothes... I thought it would take us well into the next day, but Josh and I were champions and got everything but two loads of laundry done that first day! It was awesome!

Next year we agreed we should go for a whole week. It's the same amount of work no matter how many nights you stay.  I am eagerly looking forward to it!