low point...

Yesterday was a rough one... We had gotten home late from the beach the night before, hadn't unpacked, and had yet another terrible night's sleep.  Add to that that my husband had become sick overnight, my toddlers woke up cranky, and my patience was zip, and well, it was destined to be an ugly day.

Josh was in bed most of the morning, and the boys were fighting, tantruming, biting, and generally making me crazy.  Have you seen The Holiday? It's one of my all time favorite movies.  Yesterday I was identifying with Kate Winslet's character, who turned on her gas stove top and stood there breathing in the noxious fumes.  When a noise on her computer brings her out of her temporary insanity, she stands at her open window, sucking in the fresh air and repeating to herself "Low point... low point..."  

That was where I was at yesterday. I was ready to call it quits. I felt like a terrible wife & mother.  I was so overtired, and when you are that sleep deprived, it's hard to keep your perspective.  I was feeling like I would never find a way out; I would never sleep again.

As the kids kept yelling and screaming, I lost it. I yelled "Enough!" "Stop it!" and "Alriiiiiight!!!" channeling Adam Sandler in Big Daddy when the kid keeps asking for "Kangaroo Song! Kangaroo Song!" 

Finally the boys napped, I got ahead on the housework, and after they woke up we headed out, in search of Hyland Brand's Calm's Forte 4 Kids.  A friend of mine had recommended it, and at this point, I was desperate. I had spent most of nap time on the phone calling different retailers to see if they carried this homeopathic sleep aid.  Rite Aid said they had it when I called, but when I showed up, they only had the adult version on the shelf. So they called the other Rite Aid in town, and they said they had it. And when I arrived, they only had the adult version. I had both kids with me, mind you, as my husband was at home trying to recuperate from whatever it was that got him, and this meant I had loaded, unloaded, loaded, unloaded and loaded the kids. And still had no medicine. ARG.

I remembered on the Website that Whole Foods carried some of their medicine, and at this point I was so tired with drowsy eyes and a shaky body from all the caffeine, that I was determined to find those stupid pills.  I was (finally!) in luck, as they had it.  I told the guy I could hug him. He just stood there, staring at me, and said, "It's something we always have in stock."  I think I freaked him out!

After our successful treasure hunt, we drove to my mom's house, where my mom and sister let me cry on their shoulders, and helped me watch the boys.  They had a ton of fun, and mom fed me a yummy home cooked meal, which made me feel all better.

Then I headed home, put the boys to bed, and cried a little.

I cried because I had not been patient with my boys. 

I cried because I might never sleep again.

I cried because I am used to having Josh's help, and today, when I needed him the most, he couldn't help me. He had to take care of himself.

I cried because normally I take care of him, and today I just didn't have the strength.

And I cried because I knew that today we were going to get rid of the boys' binkies. Once and for all. 

I cried because they are growing up.

Because they are no longer babies.

And because I knew that getting rid of the binkies was going to break.their.hearts.

And after that good cry, I went to bed.

And, miracle of miracles, they slept.  Okay, Jack woke up once, but from 12:30 to 6:30, we all slept. And it was awesome. It was everything I ever dreamed of.  And today was a much better day.

Yesterday was just a low point.