roller.coaster.

I have been a roller coaster of emotions the last two weeks. The situation that was causing me so much stress has been resolved, so there has been relief. But new stressors arise everyday, so there is new tension. Things at work are still busy, although we have hired for one of our two open positions.  Of course this means training a new employee, which is not easy, but at least she's here to stay!

At home, we spent the weekend doing fun things, like attending the Cunningham family Halloween party, going to the pumpkin patch & playing at Nanny's house on Sunday afternoon... The downside to all this fun is that I started the week behind on laundry & the house.  I hate that.  It just feels like I am on a treadmill. I run and run, constantly exhausted, praying for a break, all the while making no progress.

Thank God for my family. 

My sister watched the boys for us Friday when Josh's mom wasn't able to, and while she was here, she did extra loads of laundry, and she cleaned my ceiling fan. I could have kissed her. I got home and she goes, "I cleaned your ceiling fan while you were at work. No judgment!" I cracked up. I said, "You can judge me all you want while cleaning my ceiling fan, I'm just thankful you cleaned it!" Then today she went shopping at the Rack and picked up shoes for my kids, who beg for me to take off their shoes because theirs are too small, and I am too busy and too broke to go shopping.

Then there's my mom, who agreed to not only buy and make the boys' Halloween costumes, but to go to the fabric store and pick out what they were going to be, all on her own, because I just couldn't find the time when I wanted to go by myself or bring the kids.

Then today Josh was home for a doctor appointment and he cleaned up the yard, vacuumed the house, did about five loads of laundry, paid some bills and did drop off and pick up of the boys for me.  Maybe we are finally making some headway... Maybe.

One big dip along my little roller coaster is the tears over being a working mom.  I do so well, and then I do not do so well. Tonight was one of those nights. I miss them. We were eating dinner and Logan said, "We take baths. We go night night?" And I almost cried. That's right buddy. We eat dinner, we bathe you and you go to bed. That's the extent of our time together during the week. I hate it. I loathe it. I would do anything to change it.  I hate that I am not the one home with them, I hate that I am exhausted from working all day with kids, and that it means I have no patience left for my own kids at the end of the day.  I hate that Josh feels defeated for not having found a full time job yet. I hate that we held out hope for this fall to "be the change", and that our hope don't float.

I am exhausted. And I have so much to do. So blogging is on the back burner. But I miss you.  And I will get off this ride soon. 

Hopefully.