{love}

 So you may have noticed my new background. I am all set for Valentine's Day this year.  I may not have lots of money, I may not be a SAHM like I want, and I may not live in a great place (or even an okay place), but the one thing I do have is plenty of love.  I have love to give, and I have so much love given to me.  Just tonight as I was tucking Logan in, Jack came up behind me and said, "I'm rubbing your back, mommy."  These boys melt me!

 Josh and I are currently planning a weekend getaway (thank you everyone involved in helping watch the kiddos!!!) and we are so super-duper excited. A chance to get away, just the two of us, for some much needed respite, and maybe even a full nights' sleep! Just the knowledge of the trip is helping me get through each day.  Knowing that soon I will have a quiet afternoon to read a book or take a nap has stretched my patience and put a smile on my face.
And trust me, I needed a smile today- I woke up at 4:43am to my children jumping on their beds, up for the day; then I went back into our room to turn the fan up (it has to be loud to block out our obnoxious children) so Josh could keep sleeping, but it was dark in there and I thwacked my head on the bassinet so hard that the sound woke Josh up and I proceeded to bawl while he held my hand until the throbbing died down; then I received an e-mail that said that my property management company did not smell any problem in my bathroom (they came out Friday afternoon after some work was completed under the house and rendered our bathroom useless due to the toxic chemical smell that was present) and that they did not plan on doing anything to address said problem since they didn't believe one existed; and then I discovered I hurt one of my friends' feelings unbeknownst to me and as I recounted the situation I discovered my mistake... And this was all before 8:30am.  Most of you were probably not even up yet.
(Thank God my dad was, as I called him sobbing while the boys ate breakfast.) 

Ack.

 So, smiling... I need to do more of it. And planning this weekend retreat is doing the trick.  I even got my February magazines, and they are setting the tone for our trip.  I got a "Date Night Cheat Sheet" that lists fun questions to ask your spouse while you are out together that do not revolve around work or children. My favorites?

• How would you spent $10,000,000?
• If you could try any job for a year, what would it be?
• What part of life would you want to relive?
• What would you do if you had only ten years left to live?

I also came across an interesting article on soul mates.  I am pretty romantic, so I thought I believed in soul mates. Then I read this:

"Two thirds of Americans believe in soul mates.  Those believers are 150% more likely to divorce than people who think there could be more than one right person for them.  It seems contradictory, but those who hold an overly romanticized view of marriage may think they're with the wrong person if things get rough.  Reality check: Every relationship takes work, and even someone who's "perfect" for you will drive you nuts sometimes!"  (Redbook February 2011) 
It was good to read. To hear that when things are rough, that just means that things are real.  Feels good.

 So does the little boy jumping around in my belly. He's really a mover and a shaker, and I am so enjoying it. Now that I am not nauseous or sick, I have really been able to focus on the fact that there is a real live little baby in there, just waiting for June when he can make his debut.  I wonder what he will look like- is it possible Josh & I combine to only make Jack & Logan look-alikes? I also wonder what his personality will be like, and what it will be like to have only one child at each various stage.  I wonder how I will possibly love another kid as much as I love the boys.  I always hated when moms would say that on "Bringing Home Baby" on TLC. They would have this four year old and they'd go on and on about how they were just worried about how the baby would impact the older kid and about how they couldn't imagine possibly  having that same kind of love for a new baby, and I always thought they were such idiots. Well, I am an idiot. 

I am so worried about how Logan & Jack will respond to their baby brother, how it will change the family dynamics and if I will really, truly love him like I love them. I can't imagine it. I know that I will, but I can't imagine it.

 So there you have it.

My Saturday night thoughts on love.

Here's hoping February holds

{lots of love}

for you & yours!