Coop Park

 {Jack}

The other morning I took all three boys to the park so Josh could record himself reading the boys' favorite books.  We plan to watch one each night while he is gone.

{Jack}

The boys were super good.
Their new favorite thing at the park is to find sticks to play with.
It's like going on a treasure hunt.
I love it.

{Wyatt}

{Logan}

{Logan}

To be honest, going to the park with the three of them by myself lately has been full of emotions. I am both proud of myself for being able to do it, and bitter that soon I will have no choice but to do it myself. 

This last time was particularly bad because Jack's bike chain popped off and for the life of me, I couldn't get the damn thing back on. I was nearly in tears over a stupid bike chain.  But it was because I know these are the type of things I am going to have to be able to take care of myself pretty soon, and it scares the hell out of me.

I am not able. 

I am not ready.

I am not Josh.

How can I fill his shoes? How can I be what they need me to be? How can I do this?

I called Josh nearly in hysterics over this dumb bike.  Eventually I just threw it back in the car and told Jack Daddy would fix it when we got home.  But I couldn't help feeling like a failure. And like I am nowhere near capable of doing this by myself.

Lord help us all.  

This is going to be one long, tear filled road.