Answered Prayer

My prayer January 5, 2011

Lord,       

I come to you brokenhearted.  I am so discouraged.  I am so sad.  I am so disappointed. In myself and in our situation.  I want to be excited to be pregnant. I want to be strong and be okay with working, but I am not strong and I am not okay with working.

I am stressed, and tired, and sick.  I just feel like crying. I am so lost. I'm not myself.  And I am trying to listen, to see where you are leading me, but I can't hear you.  I am really profoundly lost.  Only my boys really bring me joy.

I am losing time. They are two and a half.  In six months I will have another baby and they will be three. I will have missed out on three entire years of being home with them. I don't have the strength to leave them anymore.  It kills me.  This is not how I envisioned my life.  This is not how I want to raise my children.

So I look to you for an answer. I feel pressure to provide for them, even if it barely covers the bills.  I am so torn. I want to do the responsible thing, but I am also desperate to be home with them- at nearly any cost.

Please provide direction and a clear answer in my heart.  Fill me with confidence in my decision, and Lord please mend my tender heart.

I love those boys. 

I miss 'em.

Help.

Amen

{I found this in my prayer journal as I perused it today.  

How inspiring that a year later my life is so completely different. 

And wonderful.}