Kit Kat Consequence

Tonight I am feeling inspired.  Inspired by the day I've had (one that started bad & ended good), inspired by things I've read; Inspired by the clouds & blue sky I saw peeking down at me as I played in the snow with my kids this afternoon, and inspired by the love I have for our family tonight.

Two of my inspirations came in the form of quotes.  I am a sucker for a good quote.

 "If today were the last day of my life, 

would I want to do what I am about to do today? 

Whenever the answer has been no for too many days in a row, 

I know I need to change something." 

-Steve Jobs

This spoke to me about daily life.  About loving what I'm doing, washing kids' faces or wiping kids' hands, and about feeling free to change it up, if I'm needing something fresh. 

I feel blessed to be able to say that for the last two months, I have been doing exactly what I would be doing with my last day on earth- spending it surrounded by those I love most, caring for them, and enjoying God's great work in the form of this great Alaska wilderness.  What a lucky girl am I?!?

And the other quote, courtesy of my friend Kari Durrant's husband, was this:

"We are what we repeatedly do.  

Excellence, therefore, is not an act, but a habit." 

-Aristotle

And while I think this means that I am a dishwashing laundress, (insert sarcastic snicker here) I also think this means I am a mother.  Everyday, day after day, I wake up and care for my kids.  I love the idea that excellence in parenting (or mothering specifically) is not about one great moment, but about many good habits.  Having them say "thank you"; reading stories after bath; apologizing when I've made a mistake; kissing them goodnight; "I love you's" just because... These habits that seem so ordinary, come together to create something excellent: children who are kind, and know they are loved.  Talk about inspirational.

Tonight at bedtime we read a book about feelings (Thanks again for sending those, Kris!) and as we passed each page I would ask the boys when they had experienced that feeling.  We came to Lonely and I asked what it meant.  Logan said, "When you don't have somebody.  Why doesn't he have somebody? Where is his mom?"  I had no idea he knew the meaning of that word.  No idea that in his mind being lonely existed.  And can I just say I love that being lonely means being without your mom?

I am hating three less and less as we get closer & closer to four.  I am feeling proud of them, awed by them, grateful for them.  They keep me in the present moment and can tell a story that would captivate audiences.

At lunch today we got the retelling of the "Sugar Incident" at Nanny's by Logan...  "And then, we scooped it out.  It was a mess (!) and it was all over the counter, and on the magazine. And Nanny was mad!  And Jack was like, oh man! It's a mess! And we got it everywhere!  Then Nanny had to vacuum it up.  And we were naughty. Oh man, we were naughty!"  Josh and I just sat there, staring at this tiny person we created, relishing the story- telling, using his hands and facial expression to make sure we understood just how they scooped it, what a mess it was and how upset Nanny got about the whole thing.  They talk like grown ups.  For instance, after telling the sugar story Logan was quiet a minute, eating his ravioli ("rali-lovely" as he calls it), when he thought aloud, "Papa wasn't there. I wonder where he was."

Jack responded, "Probably at work, Logan."  Probably.

We've been working on so many things, expanding their brains at a rate faster than I can keep up with.  We've learned that food goes down our esophagus and into our stomach.  Then it becomes poop. 

We've learned that our brain is what we use to learn how to count.  We've been practicing counting. Jack get furious when I try to help in any way, shape or form.  "I can do it myself!" he tells me angrily, starting over. And if Josh is home, forget it. He doesn't even want me in the room. He is counting for Daddy!

They love to watch Wyatt get his diaper changed.  You would think that there are gold coins in there or something. They are so excited to open it and see if it's just wet, or poopy.  When it's poopy they are equal parts excited & disgusted. It cracks me up.  Yesterday Jack asked why Wyatt poops in his diaper. I told him he's too young to go on the potty, so he does it in his diaper.  Jack said, "Tomorrow, when Wyatt is bigger, I will tell you, 'Mom, Wyatt can go on the potty now' Okay mom? Is that a good plan?"  I told him that sounded great.

They are amazing helpers as of late. Well, they've always been willing to help, but it was not always as truly helpful as it is now.  Now they can bring me diapers, wipes, burp rags, bibs. Or they can take the dirty clothes into the laundry room.  They can nearly make their own beds.  They always undress & dress themselves in the mornings.  They brush their own teeth once a day, for practice.  They go to the bathroom independently, barring wiping- I still help with that.  They will set the table, clear the table and love to help with dishes.  

They fight over who gets to help make dinner, and have to take turns sitting in the booster next to Wyatt's high chair, they both love him so much.  When I ask them to clean up, they can actually get the entire downstairs tidied up without my help, and with every single toy in the appropriate box.  They are also starting to police each other, which Josh and I welcome.  The more they are on each other for following the rules, listening and being nice, the less work it is for us!  Which brings us closer to the main event of tonight's post.  But we'll get there.

---

This morning started bad because I was so tired.  I have gone on way, way less sleep in the past, but today my eyelids were heavy until about 3pm.  I hate that. When you breathe & yawn your way through the better part of your day.  The only thing that finally woke me up was going out into the negative seven degree weather with the boys and chasing them around.  Funny enough, while I was waking up, Wyatt fell asleep.  So precious, that boy!

Anyway, my sleepiness made my morning have a bit of a funk.  I was grouchy, wishing, desperately, that I could just crawl back in bed, when instead, I had to get in the shower, kiss Josh goodbye, have breakfast, and take care of the children.  Motherhood.  Ugh.

The morning got better, though, because the boys are just so awesome lately.  They are fighting less, using their imaginations more, and generally playing well together.  I think the fighting & tantruming has decreased because for the last two months, Josh and I have been parenting together, on the same page, with a serious focus on consistency.  And we are finally (finally!) seeing the results.

With their improved behavior, I am also seeing a change in myself. I am not sure if this is cause and effect or merely a co-mingling of change, but I can feel myself slowing down.  This afternoon after naps, I just sat on the couch, holding Logan in my lap, Jack to my right, eating popcorn, watching Rio.  That is what I would dream of when I was working.  I would imagine putting them down for naps, having lunch myself as they slept, and then holding them, just being with them, for as long as they desired once they awoke. 

When I hold Logan, he makes these cooing noises, like a cat purring almost. It melts me.  He'll occasionally turn back & kiss me, too, whispering, "I love you, mom."  It makes me wonder why I don't stop &  hold them more.  The time will come (is coming) that they won't want to sit on my lap, hold my hand, snuggle my arms.  The time will come when this will be a distant memory.  I don't want to have any regrets.  I want to hold them. Hug them. Kiss them.  Just be. With them.

After our snuggle, the baby woke up, and we headed outside, as I mentioned.  Wyatt fell asleep in the Ergo, and the twins played for a good twenty five minutes, driving trucks in the snow, and sliding down the five foot snow drifts in front of our house. Once Logan's rosy cheeks started to turn white in the center, I knew it was time to head in for a cup of cocoa.

We had cocoa (theirs the kind with tiny marshmallows mixed in with the powder already) and they talked about how the teapot whistles just like Grandma Woo Woo.  Then we talked about where your brain is.  And who would watch Jack if Logan needed to go to the hospital. (The kid continually tips his chair back, despite repeated warnings of the need for stitches should he go down.)  Jack said since we were getting on an airplane anyway, he would go to Nanny's while we took Logan in to be seen.  This kid's a thinker!

After our cocoa & stimulating conversation, the boys were off to play firetrucks upstairs in the linen closet. Not sure why they love it in there so much, perhaps it's my organizing (?), but they spend a lot of time up there.  Meanwhile, I folded laundry, played with the baby, and was doing the dishes, Wyatt on the floor, surrounded by six hundred baby toys, when I heard Logan yelling to me, "Mom, Jack has candy!"

I assured him Jack did not have any candy.  That what he had were pipe cleaners, to be played with.

"No, mom," he insisted, "He has candy."

I said, "What are you talking about? He has toys."

"No, mom. Come here!"

He sounded so serious, I dried my hands, stepped over the baby and walked to the stairs, where both boys were perched at the very top, surrounded by trucks, tools & pipe cleaners.

There it was.

In Jack's hand.

The Kit Kat bar we had purchased for him at the store on Wednesday.  They had shared one (two pieces each) for dessert Wednesday night, and the second bar was left on the counter, next to the toaster, for tonight's dessert.

"Mom," Logan told me earnestly, "Jack said, 'Let's eat it in our room!' ... That's sneaking!"

I asked them both to come downstairs.  Then I asked Jack to hand Logan his candy bar.

"Logan gets your candy bar now.  You don't get to have any. Logan, go put that on the counter for dessert, please."

Oh.my.lord.

He lost it.  His bottom lip puckered out so far, I thought it would touch me.  

He cried big, loud, long tears, "But I want it," he pleaded.

Then I sent him to  his room to think about his choices.

He cuh-ried. And he cried.

{When we got back inside this afternoon, Jack asked to hold Wyatt.}

Finally I went up & asked him why he was in timeout.

"For lying," he blubbered,  "For taking the candy... Can I still have the candy?"

"No, Jack.  You tried to sneak. Is it okay to sneak?"

"Noooooooooo," and the sobbing ensued.  

I told him he needed to take a break in his room until he was done crying.

{I was shocked that Wyatt kept sleeping.}

As I walked down the stairs to check on the baby, Josh came in from work. He went up to talk to Jack and the two came down together.  Jack sat in Josh's lap for a long time, rubbing the tags of his bubba, sad bottom lip out, eyes still full of tears yet to fall.  Every so often, he would ask again if he could please have the Kit Kat, and we would tell him no, that sneaking is not allowed, and that his punishment was no candy.

{Jack was so sweet, rubbing Wyatt's belly & kissing his cheeks.}

Later, after the boys were down, I was talking to Josh about how easy consequencing Jack was this afternoon.  Often I struggle to figure out what the right discipline is for a certain behavior, but today I knew exactly what needed to happen.  And I knew the impact it would have on Jack.  I like when the punishment fits the crime.  I hate that Jack is sneaky.  Probably because I was horrendously sneaky as a child.  And I know that this is a consequence he will remember (and talk about) for a long time, which I am hoping will mean it's had the intended effect of showing him that sneaking does not pay off!

{It was precious.}

Whew. 

Today felt like adventures in parenting.  

Lots of questions, answers, listening & learning. 

I love that.