deactivated

So yesterday I deactivated my Facebook account.
It started December 31st when I made my New Year resolutions.

Be true to myself
Live a simple life
Write a novel

About a week into January I found myself praying for God to help me find ways to simplify. So that I could spend more time with my kids, less time on the computer, more time cooking and less time cleaning.

About a week after that I found myself watching the last few minutes of an episode of Catfish (a show on MTV about people pretending to be something they are not in online relationships) and this poor girl had multiple fake Facebook profiles, and had tricked many people.  The host of the show asked her to delete one of them while they were together.

"I can't," she said to him, as she looked longingly at the computer screen. "I just can't."

And as I stood there watching this, I thought, "I feel the same way. I know I should deactivate, but I can't."  So I spent the day thinking about it.  I thought about when I read status updates and for me mostly I find that I am either annoyed or jealous. Those are my two Facebook emotions. Not very healthy, right?  And then I thought about when I write my own status updates, and how I struggle to be clever enough, and then when I think I have it just right, I post it, and spend the next twelve hours checking obsessively to see what people have said, only to feel disappointed when there aren't any new comments.

I know a lot of people have the ability to control their relationship with Facebook. To walk away when they need to. I do not. I lack that self control.  So for me, clicking that "deactivate" option yesterday was beautiful and very freeing.

Prior to my Facebook epiphany, I had thought in the past about going off internet completely, like some people do, for a month. But with where I live, how I keep in touch with people, do my shopping, billing and blogging, it's just not realistic.

In addition to deactivating my FB account, I will also be sorting through my junk e-mails to make sure that I am only receiving and reading ones that interest me, and the same goes for what blogs I choose to read & follow.  I am working harder to guard my time.  With three kids, a husband, and a house to care for, every minute of my time is precious.

And I don't want to waste another second.