please, mommy

The boys have been in the forefront of my mind lately.  

I feel such a desire to spend time with them, to protect them, to do right by them.

I was nearly in tears last night at bedtime, thinking of how heavy that responsibility is.

{real life, cunningham style}

Their birthdays are coming. I'm party planning and making invitations.  This always causes me to look back at where we have come from. And to reflect on how much shorter the years get as time marches on.  

For instance, tomorrow will be our second Easter here in Marshall.  There's at least an inch of fresh snow on the ground and it looks like a winter wonderland.  I am still shocked sometimes to look out the window and remember where we are.

I think this is because I am so focused on what is happening inside our house, that I often neglect to notice what is happening outside.

I have been feeling very deeply lately the need to slow down. Perhaps it is because the next two months are going to fly by and before I know it summer will be upon us, which means finding a place to stay, packing, and traveling.  Perhaps it is because I have so much to do, that slowing down is quite appealing.  Or perhaps I am just learning that each day is meant to be treasured.

I spent some one on one time with Jack yesterday, up in his room, while Logan had "special time" with Wyatt. (Special time usually consists of jumping off the trampoline onto the beanbags, little brother mimicking big brother. The twins and Wyatt love their special time.  Mommy loves it because it gives me the chance to focus on each one of my older boys individually.)

{jack's work station}

While we were upstairs Jack said he is happy most the time. When I asked what makes him sad, he said it's when he misses a TV show for timeout. Then he told me the foil Josh put in their window makes crinkle noises at night. And that he thinks we should only bring one santa bubba (his favorite stuffed animal) with us back to Washington.  Nothing he said was that outstanding or funny, it was just him. Just Jack, having a moment with mommy, all to himself. I loved hearing what he had to say.

All day, they are asking for me. 

Mommy will you play Candy Land?

Mommy can we watch a movie?

Mommy are we doing school yet?

Mommy can you wipe me off?

Mommy will you read with me?

They want more of me. 

More time, more patience, more love.

And they deserve it.

So I have committed for the next week to only blogging when they are asleep.

This means I may be blogging less often, but I know that our boys will benefit greatly from this change.

And it will do my mommy heart good to know that I am really putting them first.