struggles

Last night I was reading my friend Tabitha's day-in-the-life post and something clicked for me. The realness of her everyday, the honesty in her admission that along with moments of joy, there are moments of defeat, had me remembering a quote I read earlier this week.

Friendship is born at the moment when one person says to another,

"What? You, too? I thought I was the only one."

-C.S. Lewis

That quote along with Tab's openness combined made me want to share with you the struggles I'm having right now, in the hopes that it will make you feel less alone in yours.

I am struggling to keep the boys in bed until the light turns green at 6:30am.  Yesterday the twins were up at 5am.  Earlier this week, all three were up at 6:10am.  Other days one or the other of the twins will wake up and come downstairs during my quiet time.

I am struggling to minimize my time on Facebook. I don't really have a solution to this problem, and that bothers me even more. I am drawn to it like a moth to a flame. I am considering removing it from my phone, but let's be honest-- I'm home all day, everyday, and my laptop is right here.

I am struggling with missing out on so many things that are coming up.  My best friend from childhood is expecting her first baby, a girl (!), and I am going to miss the baby shower.  My nephews are both having birthdays next month, and we will miss their party.  It's fall, and the pumpkin patches are opening up, and we won't be making those memories with loved ones.  It's hard.  In the past it hasn't been this hard.  I am struggling with that.

I am struggling with letting my kids be loud. I wish the noise level didn't effect me, but it does.  Everyday it's a battle between letting them be kids, and keeping the house at a sound level I'm comfortable with.

I am struggling to find a system that works for trading out the boys' toys.  I have large bins that we switch out of their bedroom closet and into the playroom.  But every time I think about switching them out I get overwhelmed.  It's silly, though, because when they are reunited with their old toys, they are more cooperative & play for extended periods without fighting.

The last thing I am struggling with is getting any projects accomplished that are not part of my everyday.  Doing laundry & dishes & making meals are a part of my daily fabric, so they are (somewhat) easily accomplished. But the big stuff? Like organizing craft & holiday projects for homeschool? Or re-doing the pantry now that we've gotten our Span order? Or starting/finishing the boys' scrapbooks? Yep, all on the back burner as I strive to do homeschool, spend quality time with the kids & continue not yelling. 

It helps me to know that in a week or two, these struggles will likely shift or change into new & different struggles. But in the meantime, I am stuck.  Stuck with loud, sleep deprived children playing with boring toys while I waste hours on Facebook, missing my family, surrounded by unfinished projects.

sigh.

"I think we all strive to push ourselves to overcome our struggles. 

And when we do, we get to know ourselves better."

-Ann Bancroft