You Don't Have To Worry Mom

Today I had some really severe anxiety.  I called my mom, took a break, lowered the standards and took a pill.  It worked, and by early afternoon I was feeling good again. Or at least more calm.

But those boys of mine? They know me. They pick up on my anxiety and respond in their own little ways.  Wyatt tends to be more temperamental-- needing lots of hugs & snuggles, which is fine by me when I'm feeling low.  Jack tends to hug me, tell me he loves me spontaneously and color me pictures. (He reminds me a lot of myself when I was little.)  Logan is more pragmatic. He likes to help out with the house, doing chores for me or helping me get things done.

This afternoon while we built a cardboard city in the playroom I took a deep breath and Logan asked why. I told him my stomach hurt and that taking deep breaths helped me not worry about it.  

Cue bedtime conversation after having the boys all take deep breaths (as I do every night):

Jack said to me, "Hey mom, if you are afraid when you are sick, you should take deep breaths.  Or count to five.  Even if you are freaking out, that will help.  And if you are scared of spiders, I will kill them for you. Even furry ones."

Then Logan piped in, "You don't have to be scared mom. You have a family. You have us. And you will never have to kill another spider again."  (The bedtime story we read had a brave little boy who took care of spiders in the kitchen for his mommy.)

And then Wyatt. My sweet Wyatt. He reached up, stroked my cheek and said, "Don't worry mommy, God will take care of you. And Daddy will keep you safe."

I choked through my sobs that I loved my boys and that they were right, all those ideas were wonderful for me to not worry and to feel safe.

I am so blessed to be these tender boys' mom.

Never in my life could I have imagined how full my heart would be with love for them.

And how full their hearts would be with love for me.

~