Finding My Way

The last few days I've been getting my life together-- crossing things off my to do list, prepping for our trip home, and feeling really on top of my game.  It feels great. 

I spent the weekend baking and cleaning, so I can spend the week with our boys, playing & teaching, which is just what we need.  I am looking forward to a week of reading (The Last Letter From Your Lover), journaling and finishing up my second grade homeschool plan.  

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My faith has played a huge part in pulling myself together and carrying on despite any setbacks.  Today when I feel anxiety rising up in my throat, I simply pray, "God grant me your peace."  As my faith grows, my anxiety decreases.  It's a beautiful thing.

The beginning of anxiety is the end of faith, 

and the beginning of true faith is the end of anxiety."

-Geroge Mueller

I am also able, a few months out from my loss, to see that God has a plan.  I may  not know what it is, but all the challenges I face have a purpose.  And that makes them a lot easier to bear.

As we close up what has been a tough year emotionally for me, I am feeling grateful for the journey we've been on.  I know that I am stronger, and I believe our marriage is stronger, too.  I am so thankful for Josh.  For his understanding, his love and his support as I have mourned the loss of our two pregnancies and wondered at what the future may hold for us.

I am also eternally grateful for these three little boys.  They are the company I keep, and they bring me such joy.  On the days I am sad (like this morning when I realized I would have been 33 weeks pregnant today, had the first pregnancy stuck...) being surrounded by these fun, loud, rambunctious boys is the best medicine.