Then I Close My Eyes... A Twin Post

Life with twins is always interesting.  Maybe it's just my background in psychology, or the fact that my entire life has been surrounded by twins (I met my first pair, & best friends, when I was only two), but I find everything about Logan & Jack's interactions completely fascinating.  That said, as their mother, I also find a lot of their interactions frustrating.  They can love & support each other in ways I can't fully understand, but they can also cut each other down and hurt each other in ways that no one else could.

There's the constant comparison-- both by themselves and by those around them (myself included) and the constant refrain that "life's not fair" when one twin has an opportunity the other doesn't.  Josh and I vacillate between thinking we should introduce them to the idea that not everything is equal and equal doesn't always mean fair; and the opposite thought that, as twins, we should really try to treat them the same and make sure they have the same experiences.  It's exhausting.

The obvious truth is that life is not fair, but as twins they face so many obstacles (their friends not knowing who is who, constantly being confused for each other, and always, since birth, vying for attention) that part of me wants to make sure they feel treated fair at least occasionally when I can control for it.

On the other hand, along with the struggles they face being identical twins in a world that either fantasizes twins or makes them seem evil, they are blessed beyond explanation to have each other.  When I have talked to them in the past about Wyatt being a singleton, they both expressed gratitude for having been born twins, saying that being born alone would be sad and lonely.  Instead of opting to be a singleton themselves, they both agreed that Wyatt could be their triplet.  They know that what they have is special.  And I'm so glad.  It makes the hard times a little easier to swallow.

The other day Logan was telling me that his friend kept calling him Jack.  We aren't sure if it was on purpose or not, but it really hurt Logan's feelings, and by the time he got around to telling me, he was crying about it.  I told him that that is going to happen to him for his whole life.  There's no sense beating around the bush or pretending that the future is going to be any different than the present.  But... but, I told him, the plus side to having a twin is that you get to experience life together.  You get to always have a friend by your side.  Sometimes that is pretty awesome, and other times it might be pretty hard.  

They can drive each other crazy, but they also have empathy for each other when having consequences or when they are injured.  When Logan was struggling with his fear of mummies, Jack agreed to trade beds with him, moving to the bottom bunk himself so Logan could have the top bunk and no longer fear mummy hands grasping at him from under the bed.

The other evening Josh had taken Jack with him on an airport run, leaving Logan home with Wyatt and myself.  That night as I tucked Jack in bed he told me, "Sometimes when I am gone, I think to myself, "I wonder what Logan is doing right now." Then I close my eyes and I can see what he is doing."  Josh and I looked at each other across the room and shared a set of goosebumps.

"There are two things in life 

for which we are never truly prepared: twins."

-Josh Billings