Around Here: Week 51

Finishing... Christmas shopping (mostly) and Christmas cards (completely) on Friday, so Saturday & Sunday I was free to just enjoy my kids and carry on with laundry & dishes.  Saturday morning I made blueberry muffins for breakfast (my favorite) and Saturday afternoon I made Christmas tree brownies and Josh made pizza and we watched Home Alone for family movie night.  I want to forever remember the way Jack laughs hysterically at the antics of the robbers & Macaulay Culkin.  Honestly.  It is the most joyful sound.

Hosting... a family sleepover after movie night on Saturday. I put the baby to bed and we played Yahtzee, the five of us, and Josh and I schooled the kids. (Ha!) Then we had a living room sleepover, with the twins on the couches and Wyatt and I on the air mattress.  I felt so content under the glow of the Christmas tree, surrounded by my three sleeping boys, I just sat and breathed in the moment.  This time with them is fleeting, but in that moment, time stood still.  I am so glad I took the night off from teaching to make those special memories with them.

Repeating... to myself lately: "Don't let perfect be the enemy of the good." And what I mean by that is let good enough be good enough.  Everything doesn't have to be perfect to be awesome.  Like taking Wyatt to look at Christmas lights.  We only drove around three blocks after dropping the twins off last week, but it was so magical anyway.

Coloring... during an epic coloring contest on Sunday morning.  Dashy left us pages for a coloring contest and kisses for the winner, so we colored (and glittered) to our hearts' content and all won BEST COLORING.  It was so lovely.

Facing... hard parenting later on Sunday, which was not so lovely as the kids were overtired from our sleepover, not wanting to do their chores and seeing EVERYTHING as "Not Fair!" which is not our favorite thing to hear as parents. It was frustrating, but we each promised to do one thing different (better) come Monday, so we gave ourselves a fresh start.
We had another rough day Wednesday (the first day of Christmas break) with all four kids rotating being super demanding and whiny.  Add to that that I was very sleep deprived and still not 100% from my cold, and we had the perfect storm.  Thank God at 4:00 Josh got home and our whole day shifted.  I'm telling you, when I am in challenging parenting moments, it is so hard for me to keep perspective and not think "It's going to be like this FOREVER!" I call that "awfulizing", and it's the pits.  I go total worst-case-scenario and it does not help the situation.

Identifying... with this article so very much after my hard parenting day Wednesday.

"I told a few close friends, bracing myself for concern laced with pity and platitudes of the spiritual variety. But every single one affirmed that yes, this motherhood/parenthood/raising kids/life stuff is messy and complicated and complex and just plain hard. They shared their own stories of feeling taxed and tolled and being sick of doing everything for everyone (even during times when life was “good”).

Instead of embarrassment, validation. Instead of shame, I was seen."

Gah! So good.  Click over and read the whole thing.  I promise you'll find yourself nodding your head in agreement and thinking, "Me, too. Me, too."

Watching... The Crown again!  Josh and I were so happy when Season Two finally came out!

Listening... to Scream Free Parenting by Hal Runkel.  He's challenging a lot of my parenting ideals and helping me recognize different ways I'm being triggered to yell by my kids.

Reading... Winter Street by Elin Hildebrand.  I'm hoping to finish it today, and start #2 (Winter Stroll) tomorrow.  Then I'll read Winter Storms and finally (!!!) Winter Solstice, which is the brand new one, just released this holiday season.  I can't wait to read that one!

Going... to the theater with the twins (and their best friends who are twins) to see Star Wars: The Last Jedi.  It was a really long movie (two and a half hours) and I worried the twins (or I) would be bored, but it was engrossing and we were all entertained the entire time.

Visiting... the dentist this week, and feeling so grateful to have found such an amazing one.  He helped me come up with some plans for my jaw pain (hello stress-clenching) and fixed a bad filling for me.

Saying... goodbye to Wyatt's little best friend.  His family is off to Idaho and Wyatt is going to miss him so much!!

Slowly... weaning Carly.  We were down to two times nursing per day (nap and bedtime), and last night I told her it was the last time I was going to feed her at bedtime.  She said, in a super sad, shaky voice, "Okay, mom." So we'll see if I can actually tell her no tonight. (I'm guessing not.)
I am also slowly getting rid of more and more baby stuff.  It's so hard for me knowing that this is it.  That my days of raising an infant, a baby, a toddler are over.  I am ready (I know I am because I love sleeping) to be done having babies, and it's been (nearly) ten years of parenting, so I should be ready for this chapter to be closing... but I'm not. So I'm just feeling my feelings as they come, and not letting anything go until I'm 100% sure.  Just being gentle with myself.
My goal is to have her weaned by her second birthday, but again, I am going to go at a pace we're both comfortable with and be gentle.  This is the last time my body will provide sustenance to my little one.  It's a hard thing to say goodbye to.

Wanting... to purge all.the.things before the influx of Christmas toys & things.  I have a basket going for Goodwill and will also be donating some gently used clothes to a homeless shelter nearby.

Loving... climbing into bed lately.  I've been so tired (physically and emotionally) that climbing into bed each night is my new favorite thing.  I also love filling out my Five Minute Journal each night, recording what went well that day and what can go better tomorrow.

Preparing... for lots of baking and family time for the next few days.  I have gifts to wrap, but luckily no more shopping to do.  I'm hoping to also get a jigsaw puzzle going.

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