Undecorating for the holidays. I did this slowly, over the course of several days, which is very unlike me, but the boys' school schedule was weird this year and they didn't go back until January 7th, so I had lots of time to do as I pleased following the new year. Eventually it all got done, and Josh took down the tree and Christmas lights outside, and Christmas was wrapped up for another year.
Sending the kids back to school this week after two weeks off for Christmas. It was time for them to go back, and we were all ready for a routine again after so much free time. We had a great Christmas break, but the boys missed their friends & I missed my quiet time. (mom truth)
Celebrating nearly a month seizure free for Logan. I am so excited that his new medication (Depakote) is working and we are now weaning him off his old medication (Tegretol). Woot woot!
Potty training Carly, who is actually, basically, potty training herself. She is amazing and had only two #2 accidents and then took to the toilet like a fish to water when she realized that if she poo'd in her Paw Patrol panties, I was going to throw them away. She is crazy grown up and blowing us away! The only negative to her potty training is that her sleep took a bit of a backslide as she became aware of herself peeing and I think it started waking her in the night. I'm sure it will improve with time, but I was tiiiiired this week as she woke me up a few times each night.
Counting down the days until her birthday (it's on the 24th) and feeling both right and shocked that she will be three. She is so mature for her age (and that vocabulary!), but also I can't believe it has already been three years since she joined our family. Time is sure a funny thing.
She was a big girl at the dentist this week and when she goes next time, she gets to sit in the big girl chair and watch a movie on the ceiling, which she is PUMPED about (!) and when my friend Jen asked her how old she was turning at the end of the month, she promptly answered without pausing, "Fifteen." Hah! This girl. I am just cherishing every.single.moment with her. She is so much fun.
Going to counseling this week at the last minute when he had a cancelation and offered it to me. Thanks to my in-laws (who were able to come watch Carly) I was able to scoop up that opening and go see him. (Josh's parents' house sold & closed, so they were finally able to move here, and we are so, so glad they are here for good!!!)
It was a much needed session as we discussed some parenting issues I've been having (self esteem and lying issues with the twins- heading into middle school years is going to be HARD on my mama heart!) as well as what I want to do now instead of emotional eating & book buying, both of which I want to give up in the new year.
Planning to clean/organize, workout or journal when I feel like emotional eating or book buying. So far, this has actually been working, which is fantastic.
Kon Mari'ing my entire house in preparation for Wyatt's surgery to remove his tonsils & adenoids next week (the 18th). I have taken that nervous "I'm-not-in-control" energy and siphoned it into something extremely useful. I am slowly watching all the episodes of Tidying Up on Netflix (after having read The Life Changing Magic of Tidying Up two years ago when we first moved here) and have been slowly but surely tackling areas of my life again since the new year. It keeps me busy when my anxious feelings pop up about Wyatt's surgery (the idea of him being put under for surgery with his history of asthma makes me so worried!) and is really productive. If you haven't checked out the show on Netflix, I highly recommend it. There are only 8 episodes, and it's a very gentle, achievable type of clean/organized. When they are done, the houses are NOT perfect. They are real and livable, and I like that.
Feeling like a failure as a wife & mother in the early part of this week. I haven't been working out this week, plus it's my time of the month, so I know that is contributing to my feeling this way, but the feelings are real, nonetheless, and it sucks. I just feel like I am letting everyone around me down, and it is really heavy. Parenting the older two has been really emotionally hard as of late, (hormones and morals and tempers and lack of fully developed frontal lobes...) while preparing Wyatt for his surgery hasn't been easy either ("Do you ever not wake up from being put under?" "How do they take my tonsils out?" "What will it look like?") and while Carly was a breeze at two, she seems prepared to make three a bit of a challenge for me ("I said I wanted to do it myself." "Jack is being a butthole." "Why did you say no to me?!?") sigh. I feel pulled in a hundred different directions, and all I want is some time to myself, which feels ridiculously selfish when they all need so much from me. It's been hard.
Taking Wyatt to the movies as a reward for good behavior, and enjoying the rare one on one time. He chose to watch Bumblebee which was a super cute movie, and we enjoyed the snacks & time alone.
Looking forward to doing the hardwood floors in the rest of our house and redoing our bathroom. After doing the main bathroom (which looks amazing and still takes my breath away every time I walk in it!) I am really on pins & needles to start our master bath & put those gorgeous floors throughout the house!
Reading As Bright As Heaven and finishing it. It was such a sweet story (despite being about the Spanish flu in Philadelphia), and one that kept me turning pages despite the hectic first week we had back in our routine. This week I also listened to Off The Clock on audio. Off The Clock was an interesting read. The author suggests you measure your time (preferably in half hour increments) to literally see where your time is going. This is something I may do at some point in the future, especially if I want to increase the amount of time I spend reading. I would also like to better track how much sleep I get/need.
Her other advice is to do something memorable everyday (which I love!), and to lower expectations (for example, instead of saying, "I'll do a 45 minute workout everyday", say "I will work out everyday". That way, even if it is 10 minutes, it counts, and you are more likely to try and squeeze one in at all.)
Starting Troublemaker by Leah Remini and How To Walk Away by Katherine Center. Troublemaker I listened to on audio. It was read by the author, which I really enjoyed, and was such a fascinating story of Leah's childhood, experience in scientology and insider's look at life near Tom Cruise and inside her church. Her story of leaving her church, a place once warm & familiar, really resonated with me, because I also had to leave my church once upon a time, and it is not an easy thing to do, no matter the reason. Her heartbreak, the way she lost friends & loved ones because of it, gave me such compassion for my 18 year old self that before hearing her story I hadn't been capable of giving. I felt TERRIBLE for Leah, and in doing so, was able to feel the same way for myself. Sad for the choices I had to make and the things I had to leave behind. Sad for the memories that leaving tarnished. It was a book that really left a mark on me. I am so glad I read it.
How To Walk Away is the book I chose for our local book club this month, and I am so happy with my choice! It was a very sweet book about a girl who is in a plane crash and the story follows her recovery. I felt like the story was very inspirational, even though Margaret isn't always feeling like she will come out alright, and I underlined a lot of lines.
My favorite:
"They couldn't possibly get it. Some kinds of wisdom can only be earned... The greater our capacity for sorrow becomes, the greater our capacity for joy. So I went on, "That's the thing you don't know- that you can't know until life has genuinely beaten the crap out of you: I am better for it all. I am better for being broken."
***
I feel like this quote goes perfectly with what Margaret was saying in How To Walk Away.
It's the hard things we face that build us into who we become.
And after you've been through them,
you'd rarely wish them away.
Because they are what make you so strong.
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