around here: week 15 2021

 {April 4-10th}

Tell me you're a mom without telling me you're a mom:
My view in the bathroom.
#whoneedsprivacy

Wearing... the Mother's Day gift I bought myself from The Vintage Pearl. I got it when we got our tax return, and I have zero regrets.  It's so simple, but what it represents (my four kiddos) means a lot to me, so I find myself wearing it everyday. 

Starting... the week with a super clean downstairs as I got my COVID shot Saturday, then came home to an empty house and was able to tackle the living room, kitchen, dining room, family room and downstairs bathroom before I came down with symptoms.

Suffering... for a full 24 hours with side effects from my vaccine.  I had horrible body aches, chills, mild fever and headache. It was so miserable.  Thankfully it passed after that.

Watching... Marriage or Mortgage (on Netflix) with Jack when I wasn't feeling well.  It was fun to watch, but I swear I spent each episode yelling "Mortgage!" at the screen to no avail. 

Challenging... Wyatt with some rock stacking.  My sister wants to have a duel with him, and I gotta tell you- I don't think she stands a chance! He is a stacking master! He stacks cars and toys and food.  Anything he can get his hands on.  So, I think she's toast!

Feeling... encouraged when I finally decided to size up my wedding ring that I had outgrown.  I stopped wearing it about six months ago, and was waiting to lose the weight for it to fit again, when finally I read (somewhere on a body positive account on Instagram): "Stop living as if this body and its size are temporary." The message was, "Love her now!" So I am committing to trying to love myself and accept myself, which included getting my ring sized up.  Now everyday feels like the week after our engagement back in 2002.  I look down and see that sparkly engagement ring, and that diamond dotted band, and I feel a little thrill each time. 

Enjoying... a break from school & routines during spring break. This was a much-needed break after hitting the "one year at home" mark a few weeks ago.  We desperately needed (and deserved!) this chance to relax.

Believing... deeply that church is not a building.  It is more a feeling than a place, or even a people. I started following Sarah Drew (that's April Kepner to you Grey's Anatomy fans!) on Instagram recently and she shared a New York Times article about a video that discussed the sexual purity movement of the 90's (be sure you watch the video- it's much more in depth than the article).  

From my own experience with the purity movement, I am working through the feelings and repercussions of being raised to believe that sex was wrong and bodies are sinful.  There was a lot of blaming women's bodies for others' thoughts in particular, and looking back that makes me very angry. 

One year at church camp, I borrowed my cabin mate's triangle top bikini and one of my friends' older brothers approached me and told me that I shouldn't be wearing that.  He asked what my mom would say if he were to talk to her. I told him that my mom would say, "Flaunt it while you got it" because that's truly what she would have said. She believed in the beauty of our bodies and knew (as  mom of four) that they don't stay youthful & gorgeous forever.  In general, I was a rule follower back then, so I feel really proud of 15 year old Shelly for standing up for what she believed and wearing the damn bikini. 

In addition to body image issues from the whole purity movement, I have struggled with the thought that if not having sex made me pure... then did marrying Josh and having sex with him as my husband make me unpure?  Suddenly I was allowed to have sex because we had signed a marriage license, but it was impossible to flip a switch from "Sex is bad" to "Sex is fine" overnight after my wedding. It has been a process, and it's not something I want my children to experience. 

Ordering... Pure and Shameless to read, following up on my being raised in the evangelical purity culture.  I can't wait to get my hands on them. 

Hosting... the cousins this week so the kids could play with them, and we had such a great time. One day we all went to the park and played, and another day I only had Liesel and Carly, and they were so sweet playing together all day.  They are just best, best, best friends and it melts my heart.  They did make up together, jumped on the trampoline together, and played at the park together as well.  They NEVER fight, which amazes me, and problem solve so sweetly.  

Reading... The Coddling of the American Mind for book club.  Its main idea is that college students currently are snowflakes.  (sorry if that is blunt, but you get the idea) And they want to help us combat that by raising more life-ready children into adulthood.  Their argument is that there are three truths that can help us do so:

1) Believe that what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. We are NOT to bulldoze or snowplow the path before our children.   Those bumps in the road are good for them.

2) Life is not a battle between good vs. evil.  It is more a sliding scale of grey.  If we can humanize our enemies, we may better be able to understand them and not villainize them. 

3) Don't always trust your gut. Anxiety and depression are liars, and instead of always believing what we think or feel, we need to seek out truth. 

The book had a quote from a speech given at a graduation, and it really stuck with me:

"From time to time in the years to come, I hope you will be treated unfairly, so that you will come to know the value of justice.  I hope that you will suffer betrayal because that will teach you the importance of loyalty.  Sorry to say, but I hope you will be lonely from time to time so that you don't take friends for granted.  I wish you bad luck, again, from time to time so that you will be conscious of the role of chance in life and understand that your success is not completely deserved and that the failure of others is not completely deserved either. And when you lose, as you will from time to time, I hope every now and then, your opponent will gloat over your failure.  It is a way for you to understand the importance of sportsmanship.  I hope you'll be ignored so you know the importance of listening to others, and I hope you will have just enough pain to learn compassion.  Whether I wish these things or not, they're going to happen.  And whether you benefit from them or not will depend upon your ability to see the message in your misfortunes."

-John Roberts

Blooming... like crazy in our front yard.  The spring flowers make me so ridiculously happy. 

Reminding... myself that I am enough, just as I am.  

Hosting... a big BBQ for Josh's brother, sisters and parents and families.  It was so great to get together and spend time laughing with each other. Josh and I are both vaccinated, as are his parents and his one sister and brother-in-law.  I am so happy that we are slowly getting back to normal.  That night we also lit a fire in the back yard and sat around it.  It made me so happy it's spring and heading toward summer!

Checking... on Carly every night before we go to bed.  I love walking in to see how she's sleeping, to cover her with cozy blankets and thank God that she's ours. 

Looking... for advice on turning some of my favorite text threads into a book (kind of like a chat book).  Have you ever done this? Can it be done? Where do you recommend?

Laughing at this story: Carly's flossers were almost out when her new bag came from Amazon.  She was so excited to use the new ones, she cut the top off, even though it has a reusable opening, and she still had some in her old bag.  When I saw this, I transferred all the flossers (new and old) to the old flosser bag that was still able to close.  That evening I walked into our bathroom to get ready for bed, and there on the counter was a pair of scissors, the old bag of flossers, and the reclosable top that had been cut off.  (smh) I started laughing so hard and told Josh the whole saga.  That is life with kids, am I right?

***

Loving these reminders:

"We don't exist to fit into our clothes. 
Clothes exist to fit our bodies."
-Sarah Nicole Landry