around here: week 17 2021

 {April 18-24th}

My baby brother Dallas his dog Basil. Love them!

How cute is Dallas' girlfriend Bri? She's the BEST with Carly.

We missed you, Dalton!

Found Carly's rainbow cheetah like this-
Wyatt's sunglasses, hat and wallet. Ha!

Starting... the week with a last minute trip to Wenatchee to see my little brother and his girlfriend. I was so happy to see them (and their dog Basil!) and to have them meet Grady. It was the first time we have taken him to my parents house, and he did great! He's a little nervous in the car, but just panting and a little whining.  Not too bad. 

Laughing... at my sister's comparison of Wyatt's sad face to Grumpy Cat.  Wyatt didn't know how that was, so I made a side by side for him, and we all cracked up. Wyatt and Grumpy Cat might be distant relatives.  

Feeling... touched when Carly told me she was up in the night, laying in the hallway petting George, and she decided to pray for Roxanne's entire family.  Person by person, she listed off all the people in my sister's family, and showed me how she prayed for them, touching her fingers to the bottom of her chin. I'm not sure why she thinks that is praying, but I sure love her heart.

Happy... that Josh got rid of the trampoline. It was falling apart a bit, and was pretty small for our kiddos.  Having that gone will make more room for swimming and gardening in the side yard. 

Sending... my kids to school for the first time in thirteen months. I was so, so happy to see them go, excited to see friends and meet teachers, and I was even happier to get a day with Carly all to myself.  This was supposed to be our last year at home together just the two of us, and instead it was (often) all six of us home together, getting through. 
The twins will go to school twice a week with three days online at home, and Wyatt will go full time with no more online learning.  I am so happy for Wyatt and hopeful for the twins that this will be a helpful transition from full time at home learning to going back to school in the fall.  
They are all champs about wearing their masks and I am blown away by the adaptability in the face of all the changes this year has held. It's inspiring. 

Laughing... when Josh got home from Walmart with the graphing calculators the twins' math teacher had requested.  As he pulled them out of the bag, he goes, "Yay! It's twins!" and then proceeded to tell me how expensive they were. Hah!  It makes me smile and shake my head at some of the times when it's really obvious we got a two-fer.  

Trying... not to cry when Wyatt told me about eating lunch in the cafeteria during COVID times.  He is at a table by himself, sitting on a piece of blue tape, and other kids in his class are six feet away, also on blue tape.  The whole thing just sounded so lonely and unlike my elementary experience, I felt awful.  But I took a deep breath (and did not cry!) and told him what a cool story he will have to tell his kids one day about what it was like to go to school during quarantine.  We are both hopeful that next year will be different. 

Relieved... that Derek Chauvin will face justice for what he did George Floyd.  No matter what George did in his life, or in regards to listening (or not) to the police officers, he did not deserve to die.  It doesn't feel better... but it's a step in the right direction.

Enjoying... book club this month.  We discussed The Coddling of the American Mind and while the ideas in the book made me uncomfortable initially, I am now fully on board.  
We should teach our children:
1) What doesn't kill you makes you stronger

2)  Don't always trust your gut (anxiety & depression will lie to you)

3) The world is all shades of grey, it's not simply good vs. evil

I definitely can feel these ideas infiltrating my parenting, and I am grateful.

Wondering... Do you get orbs in your pictures sometimes? Like sunspots or rainbows? I have been noticing them so much lately, and I always think they are the babies I lost.  In my mom's photos I tend to think they are her parents.  And at the land, if I catch an orb, I believe it is Josh's baby sister who died in infancy.  I love the magical way that I can feel close to those who have passed through this strange capturing of glowing orbs. 

Seeing... the beauty around me, and enjoying immensely when others enjoy it because they know I would.  My sister sent me a picture of these yellow flowers blooming all along the highway where she lives because she knew I would love them.  That really hit me. I got emotional about it. Knowing that my seeing the good is impacting those around me and helping them see beauty just choked me up. 
Also this week, Carly asked for my phone in the car so she could take a picture of the moon because it just looked so beautiful.  Very proud moment.

Filling out... daily attestations in order for the boys to attend school.  I am very lucky because it's simply an app on my phone.  I can answer the questions for all three boys in under 30 seconds.  The only trick is remembering to do it. Hah!

Discussing... how old we think Grady is.  When we got him in (December of 2019) we believed he was two years old. (That's what the humane society told us.) But now looking back at pictures, we believe he was more like 6 or 8 months old.  Still a baby. 
He has continued growing, and is such a good boy.  We feel blessed that we got him, and figuring out that he was younger than we originally thought is actually exciting because that means we get even more life with this big oaf dog.  He's giant, and goofy, but he is sweet and loving, and we're so glad he's ours.  

Realizing... that it's no wonder I'm exhausted.  Having all three boys gone two days a week has shown me exactly how much time I spent running around, cleaning up after them.  Oh my goodness.  The house was so clean by Wednesday, having had two days of cleaning and no messing up. It forced me to give myself a little grace regarding how hard this year has been. 

Baseballin'... this week with a game for Wyatt where the twins, Josh, Carly and I much enjoyed each other's company, and hanging out at the field for the twins to have practice when the game they had planned on got canceled last minute.  

Drowning... in school work again with the twins after a year of school via Apex (an online program) where the boys only had two classes each.  Now they have six (or maybe it's seven?) teachers & classes, and so much to keep track of.  I really hope we can get on top of it, because feeling this overwhelmed is scary!

Updating... my book instagram account.  It's been a little neglected as of late, so that felt good. 

Reading... Shameless by Nadia Bolz-Weber, which is about being raised in the purity culture of the evangelical church, and wow.  I have a lot to say about it.  But the main message that I took away from it was that leaving the church IS a big deal. I wasn't being dramatic about it.  It's hard and hurtful and feels scary.  But I believe in putting people above the bible, which my church did not do. So I have no regrets, even though leaving was one of the hardest things I've ever done. 
In regards to purity (and abstinence) the author says, "It led, not to an increase of holiness, but to a culture of secrecy, hypocrisy and double standards." Which I found to be true when I was asked not to help with vacation bible school because I was dating a Mormon (out loud) even though a friend of mine in youth group was having sex with her (fellow church member) boyfriend.  The difference, I was told, was that she was not talking about that, whereas people KNEW I was breaking the rules and dating outside our religion.  
Bolz-Weber says that "purity most often leads to pride or to despair, not to holiness.  Because holiness is about union with, and purity is about separation from." Damn. She also says, "Dignity, the quality or state of being worthy, comes from our origin, not from our efforts." What I wouldn't give to go back in time and say that to youthful Shelly. Hands on her cheeks, eyes looking into hers, assuring her that she was worthy and valid and belonged simply because she existed.  She didn't have to earn anything.

Listening... to A Snicker of Magic (for book club) this week.  It was a sweet, heartwarming read.  And lastly, I finished Alone, which I really (!) enjoyed and then passed on to Wyatt.  I loved reading a book with him, discussing what happened and what he thought. I hope this is only the first of many books we share. 

Walking... with my friend Amy and her friends Melissa and Elizabeth this week in the morning.  I love walking with them.  Their life stories make me feel less alone and I always come home so energized!!

Receiving and burning... my first candle from Better Things Candle Co.  It's an enneagram candle (I'm a six) and the girl behind the company is the sweetest! Love her, love her instagram, her stories and her candles. 

Spending... Friday in bed, snuggling Carly, as I hit a low.  It was a long, hard week, with lots of adjustments as the kids headed back to school and the twins jumped back into online learning with multiple teachers.  Hopefully this weekend will rejuvenate me and I'll feel ready to face next week!

Visiting... my parents again on Saturday to see the foster kittens and mama my mom got.  They are so sweet.  Carly is in love. 
While at my parents house I asked if I could steal some lilac blooms off the tree in their front yard.  My mom said yes, and I came home with the sweetest smelling bunch. So yummy!!!

Speaking... of flowers! I have my dahlias ordered from Triple Wren Farms and am so excited for them to arrive and start blooming. I ordered a whole variety of colors, plus my dad brought me some from my Grandma Pany's yard, which is so, so special. Once the dahlias arrive, get planted, and sprout, I will relocate them from their pots to the back yard flowerbed, along the fence, so that when we're sitting on the patio while the kids swim, or eating dinner out there, we will have all those gorgeous flowers to look at. 

Thinking... of my sweet student Phoenix and his mom as he would have celebrated his 22nd birthday this weekend.  He passed back in July, and I wish I could ease his mom's heartache.  He was such a beautiful, beautiful boy. 

Keeping up... my gratitude journal.  I have printed a picture and written what I was grateful for, every day in 2021. It is SO fun to flip back through the journal, seeing all the blessings these days have held.  Highly recommend!!

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Wyatt wrote this after hearing it on Napolean Dynamite and it makes me laugh each time I go in his room and see it hung on his cork board. 

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Good reminder.
We're perfect as we are.

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This is Josh.

He didn't totally hate being at the party if I was there.

Haha!

Love you babe.

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