Around Here: Week 39 2021

 {September 19-25th}

Carly said after I dropped her and Wyatt off at school,
I needed to take Addy to cheer practice. 

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Loving... this reminder my friend Ashley sent that could not have been more timely.

"And just in case you need the reminder: 

You have value as a mom and a homemaker!

It's important work, maybe even the most important work.

How we raise these souls will radiate out into the world someday."

If you don't already follow her, go check out her blog.  I leave that space wanting to read more, bake more, and generally live a simpler, slower life.  I love you, Ash.  Thanks for the encouragement. 

Enjoying... having my sister's baby boy for the weekend while she was out of town, but also feeling certain that I do not want to start over with another baby. (Which is good because Josh had his vasectomy months ago. Ha!) But it was good for me to jump back in with a baby, see how much work it is (and he's even a very easy baby!) and remember that sometimes Motherhood means putting on rose colored glasses as we look back.  

Enduring... more migraines this week (although I only had three, down from five last week). I suffered an especially bad one on Sunday which meant Josh had to take the baby back to my sister for me, and hit Costco himself, while I got together a grocery list (once the migraine had mostly disappated) and went to Winco with Jack. 

Attending... my Mine To Tell weekly writing Zoom and enjoying it so much.  I brought my laptop out back and sat on the patio.  It was lovely.  And my friend Crystal has also joined Mine To Tell, so it's neat to share that together.  I am so inspired by all these amazing women around me. 

Reading... the Bella Grace magazine that a sweet blog follower sent me. Thanks @addiejanefloral 
It's like a collection of touching, inspiring blog posts, and is so beautiful! I'm also reading Everyone In This Room Will Someday Be Dead, which I picked up at Barnes & Noble over the summer and am loving it. 
I also wanted to share that I LOVE reading my kids thoughts on things.  Wyatt wrote a page about what his perfect day would look like and what he would do if he were in charge of the world.  Their inner thoughts fascinate me. 

Following... with avid interest the Gabby Petito story.  I am so saddened by her loss, and her families connection to her and each other. It is just heart wrenching. I hope they find Brian soon. 

Getting... my childhood toys out of the shed to reward Carly for staying dry at shool all week.  She'd been coming home mostly a little wet (sometimes a lot) so to motivate her, I told her if she could stay dry for a week, I would give her my Amercan Girl dolls to play with. I have Addy and Molly from when I was little, and I also have lots of accessories and their beds and bedside tables. It was so fun to go through all my toys with her. She is thrilled! And she's staying dry at school now!
It was so fun and a little mind boggling to see my ACTUAL REAL LIFE DAUGHTER (I still can't beleive I have one of those, guys!) holding the Cabbage Patch doll I grew up with and pretended was my daughter for a decade of my childhood.  Mary Rose is my Cabbage Patch doll's name (Did you have one? What was his/her name? Do you still have it?) and I think her name and Carly May's name are sort of similar. 

Losing... my mind at parent drop off and pick up at the kids' school. I'm like, "Guys, we are almost a month into this now... can we figure it out!? Parents are getting out when there are clearly signs saying do not get out, and other parents can't be bothered to pull all the way forward so other parents can drop their kids off.  It's just so frustrating when I was there on time for them to have morning recess before the first bell rings, but because of other people's idiocy, they still miss out on that play time. Grrr.

Still... walking the dog everyday and enjoying doing Carly's hair. It's funny to me that the things that bring me joy are so routine and somewhat boring, but it also makes me happy because I am quite easy to please. 

Watching... Anne with an E which is my go-to comfort show when I need to be distracted from my thoughts and am feeling down. Anne just sees life as so magical, I can't help but be cheered when I spend time with her. 
And in the evenings, Josh and I finished up House of Cards.  I really enjoyed the beginning, but the last few episodes were not my favorite. And I felt like there was no closure, which sucked. Overall, do not recommend. I miss Schitt's Creek. 

Struggling... this week with health anxiety, panic attacks and anxiety. So I made myself a doctor appointment and we talked about my migraines, my concern about different cancers in my body (this is a constant battle my health anxiety and I fight) and made some med changes. I have been on Prozac for a few years now, but I can feel that it's not working as well as it was. Maybe because I gained weight, maybe because that just happens sometimes. Either way, my doctor said he would prefer switching me to a different med (still in the Prozac family) as opposed to further increasing my mg on Prozac. So now I am taking Lexapro. I take the equivalent of what would have been 80mg of Prozac.  I had no negative side effects from the change, and very slowly I am feeling better. 
He also ordered me a new migraine medicine that is a once monthly shot called Emgality. We have to wait for a prior authorization from insurance, though, so it may take a while. But at least we are trying something else. I have tried Topomax and Propranolol to no effect.  I can take Sumatriptan to stop the migraine once I have it, but I would prefer to not be taking so much of that, as there is a risk of seratonin syndrome from taking it with an anti-depressant. 

Learning... new words from my middle schooler. I am always learning new words from them, and then being told not to use them. "Cap" is the most recent one, and I have gone a long time hearing them say it, without knowing what it meant. For example, I will say, "Thank you. I love you, Jack." and Logan will pipe up from the other room, "Stop the cap!" which means he thinks I'm lying about loving Jack. Or I'll see Logan when he comes downstairs I'll say, "Ohhh! You're so handsome." And Jack will pipe up, "Stop the cap!"
sigh.
It's hard to come to terms with the fact that I will never be cool again.

Playing... Pie Face when we had whip cream, and loving the kids joy and laughter. Also playing florist this week as I continued cutting all the last blooms we still have before we get a hard freeze. Goodness the flowers in the house and all around outside make me smile. 
I also did a manicure for Carly this week out on the front porch.  The weather was just too nice to stay inside, so we did it outside.  She nearly always peels off the paint as soon as it's dry, but she asks to have it done, so I try to say yes once in a while. 

Grateful... that our house is now dried out and we can hire someone to start to put it back together after the water damage from the attic in the summer. I will be so grateful when it's all done. 
I am also grateful any time the sink is empty.  I am constantly surprised by the amount of joy the dishes being done brings me. It's like a little thrill every time I spy it. 
Also grateful for my sister, mom and husband who remind me to "take the pill" every time I am having either anxiety or a migraine.  I know I should take it, but someone else telling me to, relieves me of the decision making and it makes all the difference. 
And lastly, I'm super grateful that we have pets.  I have always loved our pets, but adjusting to being home alone after having all four kids home, full time, for a year and a half, it's been especially nice to have them to talk to, snuggle with, and make me feel less lonely. 

Working... to do ALL the laundry and making sure I get Josh a fresh salad made every morning before he goes to work. His strongest love language is acts of service. So he always puts gas in my car, makes the bed when he gets up in the morning, and makes sure that things are done around the house that need doing. So I know it means a lot to him when I repay those acts of service by making him a salad everyday and make sure we have his favorite soda and other foods on hand. 

Combatting... my constant sadness about the kids growing up with the mantra "There is more" which I stole from Kelle Hampton over at Enjoying The Small Things.  It's hard that Wyatt's not an adorable toddler anymore, and that Carly is no longer a tiny baby, nursing every few hours and wanting nothing other than to be held; but knowing that more, different, equally good things are coming helps me not lose hope just because they're getting older. 

Listening... to two great podcasts this week.  One was Maintenance Phase- The Obesity Epidemic (August 17th episode)  where I learned that obesity does not necessarily equal bad health. That was a fascinating listen. And the other one was Glennon Doyle's We Can Do Hard Things, not sure which one, but for a few minutes they talked about how Abby is a huge people pleaser (Shelly slowly raises her hand, nodding, "me too, me too!") and the simplest question helped her stop her people pleasing ways.  She simply asks herself, "Is it your problem?" 
If your kid doesn't have a coat, or is sick or needs a ride; that's your problem.  If a stranger or a neighbor's kid or a passerby in the store doesn't have a coat; that's not really your problem to solve. I understand this can be a fine line.  And I have to balance it just right because I believe in helping others and being part of a village and a community, but there definitely comes a point where I am literally just sticking my nose where it doesn't belong so I can a) make people happy and b) act like the hero. It's not healthy. So that was really helpful advice for me. 

Dying... seeing Jack in his football jersey. That is what Kelle's talking about when she says, "There is more"... Jack may not be my sweet dimpled toddler anymore, but he is turning into quite the strong, handsome, hard working, athletic gentleman, and getting to know this new, constantly growing and changing part of Jack, is also kind of like magic. 

Pooping out... on the GoCleanCo cleaning challenge. I got ONE single room in my house ENTIRELY clean from top to bottom, and all I kept thinking was how fast my kids were going to destroy it. I just don't think I am in the part of my life (with two teenagers, plus one more on the way to being a teenager, two dogs and massively shedding German shepherd & a semi-hoarder five year old) where I can have those super high cleaning standards without it making me batshit crazy.  So maybe in another chapter I'll become the next Marie Kondo with a vacuum.

Making... a super fun trail mix Josh saw and wanted to try.  It was candy corn, nuts, & m&m's. The combination of the nuts and the candy corn tasted, somehow, exactly like a Snickers, even if you didin't have an m&m in the bite. It was so yummy and the kids thought it was super fun.
Also- making donuts for the first time in years and enjoying them so much! I just use our regular bread recipe, then fry them in oil and make a caramel frosting my mom's mom used for apple cake.  It tastes just like a maple bar and is so delish. 

Relishing... the evenings when Carly wakes me up and as I lay her back down, she whispers with her eyes closed, nearly asleep, "Stay mama. Stay." And so I do. Rubbing her back a little longer, singing one more song and cherishing this one just a little bit longer. 

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