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3.29.2022

Around Here: Week 5 2022

 {January 30-February 5th}

This week's vignette:

It is dark and quiet, only the hush of the fan as it rotates over us, first him, then me, spanning the distance of the room which has two twin beds, soldiers side by side, in a room that my twin sons are rapidly outgrowing.  He lies still, a black silky sleep mask over his eyes.  I watch his chest to see if his breath is regular, if he is asleep.  
The side effects of the COVID booster we opted to get him have been brutal; fever, body aches, chills, and a headache that is giving him a run for his money.  I pull together my arsenal of mom tools to try and soothe him.  Tylenol, fresh ice water, a cool cloth, a heating pad.  But all he really wants is me. And so I sit, barely aware of the din downstairs, dinner being made, his siblings doing homework, dogs barking, and read an ebook in the dark while he tries to sleep on the bed across from me.  
To be honest, there's nowhere else I'd rather be. 










Thankful for this little bit of inspiration from my friend Brittany.
I hung it on my mirror so I can read it on the daily. 
Thanks B!







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Contemplating... getting Wyatt an axolotl.  He wants one so much that he put together a slide show to ask for one.  He shared with us some details about the axolotl and why they make good pets. (For those of you who don't know, axolotls are similar to a salamander, but they live permanently under water) 
In the end, I did my own research and decided we would not be a good household for an axolotl.  They like calm environments with little stimulation and nearly zero sunlight.  They also require really specific water conditions that I am not up to figuring out. Wyatt was disappointed, but Josh reminded him that we did get him a puppy less than a month ago. Ha!

Feeling... proud as I watched the twins leave each morning this week.  They either hug me goodbye if I am downstairs, or text me that they are leaving if I'm upstairs.  I just love those boys. 

Doing... a sweet errand for a friend of mine who moved out of town.  She wanted to reach out to someone here, where I live, and asked me to be the one to fulfill this sweet little kindness.  So I picked up flowers and wrote a note and got to drop them off on behalf of my thoughtful friend. It felt really good to bring some sunshine to someone's day, and to help a friend who's far away. 

Mommin'... this week by learning about Carly's speech stutter from a friend of mine (who is a speech therapist) who stopped by out of the goodness of her own heart to help me out. I can't remember if I shared here that I noticed after Christmas break that Carly was talking a little funny.  Not always, but often enough that it caught my attention and I was able to record it.  My amazing friend Paula came over with some sheets about stuttering, and broke it all down for me. 
Basically Carly has a really rare type of stutter that is related to anxiety, called an Atypical Dysfluency where she takes mid-word breaks (like "wha-at") and does final word repetitions (like "store-ore").  It's uncommon, but there is a type of word play we can do with her to help it.  It was comforting to know that I wasn't being overdramatic (she really is doing something strange) and to know exactly what we can do to help her with it. 
Thankfully she isn't bothered by it, so we just congratulate her, "Hey! You didn't do any bumpy talk. That was all smooth talking!" Or encourage her to try again another way "Let's do robot talk" (breaking her speech up into syllables like "Carl.y.what.are.you.do.ing.to.day?") and then she can correct her speech and move on. 
I was also mommin' pretty hard this week at morning drop off as Carly cried a lot and I tried to come up with ways to keep her feeling positive.  We added more fun songs to our morning playlist for in the car and I've been trying really hard to make sure we aren't rushing, and that she has plenty of time for morning recess so that if she's sad at drop off, she has time to turn it around while playing with her friends. 

Reading... Hollis Woods, which is a sweet story about a little girl in foster care who didn't think she deserved love; Wild at Heart which is #2 in the Wild series by K.A. Tucker, and which I LOVED!; and doing some reading on Fibromyalgia. But not too much because it's all a bit overwhelming. 

Watching... Queer Eye and loving how they make me feel better about myself. Love those guys!

Laughing... as I took Piper to the vet.  She doesn't wear a collar yet, so she didn't know what that (or the leash) were about, and she wanted to be in my lap like a giant baby in the waiting room. She is truly a mama's girl. 
She was so sweet to the vet and his assistant's, just giving them kisses and wanting to be held by them.  I am proud to report that she is potty trained, and only has a pee pad in her crate for night times. So awesome. She is still waking up a bit earlier than I would like, but I'm hoping that will improve. 

Focusing on... letting myself feel my feelings, which meant some time spent crying this week. I am a Highly Sensitive Person who is also an Empath. (ugh) And I have four children, a husband, parents, a sister, two brothers, neighbors, friends, extended family, and two dogs. There are SO many people on God's green earth that I feel connected to and responsible for, and that leads to a LOT of feelings about a LOT of things. (Most of which I cannot control) So when it all gets to be too much, I cry. 

Struggling... to take a walk this week, knowing it is good for me (especially for my fibromyalgia among other things) but also knowing it's really hard.  I ended up going on a sunny morning before my weekly writing course, with Grady for company, and while it was, hands down, the hardest walk I have ever taken (it wasn't even that far, but my lower back pain was super intense by the end) I was really proud of myself. I just kept saying in my head, "We can do hard things. We can do hard things." 

Crossing... 100th Day preparation off the list for Carly by counting out chocolate chips.  She is so smart. And it is SO Carly that she wanted to bring 100 chocolate chips for Hundreds Day. Hah!

Celebrating... Carly getting an award for having the best attitude in her kindergarten class.  Logan heard she got an award and was like, "For what? For being the most cheerful?" We cracked up and Josh goes, "Basically." She is our sunshine girl. 

Learning... about more health concerns for a loved one, and gosh, it's all so heavy on my heart. Wishing I could do more and supporting where I can in the meantime. 

Loving... Carly learning how to write. She wrote Josh and I the sweetest little love notes. I will be keeping mine forever. 
Also loving how she makes each day special. One morning she said she wanted a strawberry on the edge of her water cup.  Let's all remember to do fancy things whenever we feel like it! 

Grateful... for fresh flowers.  Any time I buy myself flowers (or Josh gets me flowers) I find myself so enamored with their beauty and the beauty they bring to our home. 


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3.16.2022

Around Here: Week 4 2022

 {January 23-29th}

This week's vignette:

I am laying on the table in the OR, blue sheet hung in front of me, blocking my view of the c-section they're performing on my third pregnancy, fourth baby.  As the doctor does her job, opening layers of skin, setting my baby free from her dark, warm, home, she informs me that my baby girl is reaching out with her hand, fingers spread, exploring the atmosphere of this new place she is joining.  I love that story of Carly, how before she even left the womb, she was reaching for whatever was next. 



























My sister is so wise & kind. 
Feel free to borrow her words if you, too are having a hard time.







"Wyatt: Do not enter. Carly has a surprise."

Contemplating... the razors I had to buy the twins.  I am telling you, buying those razors gave me all.the.feels.  How is it possible that the sweet little babies I gave birth to five minutes (okay... fine... thirteen years ago) are already ready to start shaving their little baby (okay... fine... teenage, almost grown man) faces?!? This purchase literally had me looking back at their baby pictures (see the end of this post) to convince myself that enough time has truly passed for this to be really happening. What weird parenting things get you hung up? For me, razors, apparently (hah) and trying to remember the last time I held my kids on my hip. One day, you just do that for the last time, and you don't even know it's the last time. [[sob]]

Feeling... blessed to have my sister to support me when I'm having anxiety and forget everything I have ever learned about how to cope. I had a counselor once (John, while I was living in Alaska- we did phone visits and he was amazing) who said I needed to view my anxiety as a lizard to live with, not a dragon to slay.  The thing was, I would start getting anxiety after a period without it, and I would go: "OH MY GOD! I AM HAVING ANXIETY. OH NO! THIS IS BAD!" and weirdly, that lead to more anxiety. ;) So he said instead, I had to channel island people who let lizards live in their houses (to catch insects) and be like, "Oh hey, the lizard is here. I see you." Very casual, very cool.  That way, when the anxiety is ready to leave, I haven't primed my body for it to continue instead of moving on. 
The mantras my sister sent me are perfect because they bring me out of my (worried, anxious) mind and into the present. "I am safe. I am loved. This feeling won't last forever. I will be happy and laugh again." So helpful. 

Doing... a thing! After discussing it for a few weeks, Josh found a used pool table, and his brother and nephew helped him get it from there to our house.  It was no small feat, but I have to say that we are absolutely loving it. They installed lights under it, which the boys think is super cool, and I like that it gives the kids something to do other than screens (their favorite).  We had to move a lot of furniture around (most of which Josh did to surprise me while I was at book club), but it was worth it and I have no regrets.  I love hearing the kids laugh and play, and especially when we have company, it's been really great. 

Mommin'... with lots of hairdos for Carly.  I will never get tired of that girls beautiful blond locks. 

Reading... A History of Wild Places and El Deafo and getting so much reading done as I joined a Read-a-thon this weekend. It was so fun to get in a lot of pages and just got me really excited about all the books on my TBR.  In addition to my own reading, I have been able to hear Carly reading to me! It never ceases to amaze me (even after three of my kids have learned) when they learn to read. It's actual magic. Truly.
Also this week I listened to Talking To Strangers on audio. It was a much darker book (all about sexual abuse & rape) than his others.  My take away from it was that humans default to trust and are terrible judges of character. Basically as a mother it was terrifying.  

Watching... The Harry Potter movie, finally, that follows the book the boys finished with Josh.  They watched that for movie night, while Carly and I hung out in the kitchen making cookies and playing with her pretend kitchen. 

Laughing... as I took Grady to the vet for his rabies shot.  He's such a big baby (in the car particularly) but looks so fierce. I just adore him. 

Struggling... to get my migraine shot prescription filled.  Apparently  my insurance (unbeknownst to me) wanted me to fill this Rx at their specialty pharmacy, so Rite Aid couldn't fill it even though my doctor had approved and gotten a prior authorization for it. It was quite the mystery, but with about a billion phone calls and lots of patience, I finally got it all figured out. 

Crossing... Fingerprinting off my to do list for getting hired by the school district as a sub. Now I'm just waiting for my substitute teaching certificate to come through. 

Celebrating... Carly's birthday.  I am so proud of our beautiful six year old! She is smart, kind, empathetic, caring, funny, sassy, strong and confident. I pray that every single one of those traits remain true for her all of her days. My parents came with the cousins that night, and it was so fun.  Our girl got super spoiled. My brother is her birthday twin and I always say she got her musical talent from him.  She loves beat boxing and rapping and is very moved by music just like him. 

Learning... that I have Fibromyalgia as I visited my primary care doctor with complaints of pain, exhaustion and sensitivity to touch.   Fibromyalgia is a chronic disorder characterized by widespread muscoskeletal pain, fatigue and tenderness in localized areas.  It also has a lot of other symptoms, including anxiety, depression, sleep problems and headaches/migraines.  I am disappointed to have been diagnosed, but it explains so much of what I've been dealing with for the last two years since COVID.  We swapped out my antidepressants and my RLS medicine for meds that are proven to work better with fibromyalgia.  I am now on Cymbalta and Gabapentin.  Fingers crossed the transition from my old meds to my new ones is smooth and that the Gabapentin really helps with my pain. I've been getting this stabbing pain in my feet and I would SWEAR to you that when I lift my foot up there will be shards of glass in them.  So painful. 

Loving... having Jack and Logan's friends over for a sleepover.  First they all went bowling with their friend's dad.  Then some of them got dropped at our house. Those boys are so silly, funny and great.  We ended up doing a swap this weekend, so we had Jack, Channing and their friend Hayden Friday night while Logan went to Easton's to sleep.  

Thankful... that God blessed us with a rainbow baby and that I was brave enough to try one more time. Carly is such a joy, and it was wonderful to celebrate her this week. 


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How are these babies already shaving their sweet baby faces?!?

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This brought me immense peace. I can just exist. That is enough.

I always love Tiffany's message.
Especially this one. 

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