The Cunningham Family: Around Here: Week 4 2022

{January 23-29th}

This week's vignette:

I am laying on the table in the OR, blue sheet hung in front of me, blocking my view of the c-section they're performing on my third pregnancy, fourth baby. As the doctor does her job, opening layers of skin, setting my baby free from her dark, warm, home, she informs me that my baby girl is reaching out with her hand, fingers spread, exploring the atmosphere of this new place she is joining. I love that story of Carly, how before she even left the womb, she was reaching for whatever was next.

My sister is so wise & kind.
Feel free to borrow her words if you, too are having a hard time.

"Wyatt: Do not enter. Carly has a surprise."

Contemplating... the razors I had to buy the twins. I am telling you, buying those razors gave me all.the.feels. How is it possible that the sweet little babies I gave birth to five minutes (okay... fine... thirteen years ago) are already ready to start shaving their little baby (okay... fine... teenage, almost grown man) faces?!? This purchase literally had me looking back at their baby pictures (see the end of this post) to convince myself that enough time has truly passed for this to be really happening. What weird parenting things get you hung up? For me, razors, apparently (hah) and trying to remember the last time I held my kids on my hip. One day, you just do that for the last time, and you don't even know it's the last time. [[sob]]

Feeling... blessed to have my sister to support me when I'm having anxiety and forget everything I have ever learned about how to cope. I had a counselor once (John, while I was living in Alaska- we did phone visits and he was amazing) who said I needed to view my anxiety as a lizard to live with, not a dragon to slay. The thing was, I would start getting anxiety after a period without it, and I would go: "OH MY GOD! I AM HAVING ANXIETY. OH NO! THIS IS BAD!" and weirdly, that lead to more anxiety. ;) So he said instead, I had to channel island people who let lizards live in their houses (to catch insects) and be like, "Oh hey, the lizard is here. I see you." Very casual, very cool. That way, when the anxiety is ready to leave, I haven't primed my body for it to continue instead of moving on.
The mantras my sister sent me are perfect because they bring me out of my (worried, anxious) mind and into the present. "I am safe. I am loved. This feeling won't last forever. I will be happy and laugh again." So helpful.

Doing... a thing! After discussing it for a few weeks, Josh found a used pool table, and his brother and nephew helped him get it from there to our house. It was no small feat, but I have to say that we are absolutely loving it. They installed lights under it, which the boys think is super cool, and I like that it gives the kids something to do other than screens (their favorite). We had to move a lot of furniture around (most of which Josh did to surprise me while I was at book club), but it was worth it and I have no regrets. I love hearing the kids laugh and play, and especially when we have company, it's been really great.

Mommin'... with lots of hairdos for Carly. I will never get tired of that girls beautiful blond locks.

Reading... A History of Wild Places and El Deafo and getting so much reading done as I joined a Read-a-thon this weekend. It was so fun to get in a lot of pages and just got me really excited about all the books on my TBR. In addition to my own reading, I have been able to hear Carly reading to me! It never ceases to amaze me (even after three of my kids have learned) when they learn to read. It's actual magic. Truly.
Also this week I listened to Talking To Strangers on audio. It was a much darker book (all about sexual abuse & rape) than his others. My take away from it was that humans default to trust and are terrible judges of character. Basically as a mother it was terrifying.

Watching... The Harry Potter movie, finally, that follows the book the boys finished with Josh. They watched that for movie night, while Carly and I hung out in the kitchen making cookies and playing with her pretend kitchen.

Laughing... as I took Grady to the vet for his rabies shot. He's such a big baby (in the car particularly) but looks so fierce. I just adore him.

Struggling... to get my migraine shot prescription filled. Apparently my insurance (unbeknownst to me) wanted me to fill this Rx at their specialty pharmacy, so Rite Aid couldn't fill it even though my doctor had approved and gotten a prior authorization for it. It was quite the mystery, but with about a billion phone calls and lots of patience, I finally got it all figured out.

Crossing... Fingerprinting off my to do list for getting hired by the school district as a sub. Now I'm just waiting for my substitute teaching certificate to come through.

Celebrating... Carly's birthday. I am so proud of our beautiful six year old! She is smart, kind, empathetic, caring, funny, sassy, strong and confident. I pray that every single one of those traits remain true for her all of her days. My parents came with the cousins that night, and it was so fun. Our girl got super spoiled. My brother is her birthday twin and I always say she got her musical talent from him. She loves beat boxing and rapping and is very moved by music just like him.

Learning... that I have Fibromyalgia as I visited my primary care doctor with complaints of pain, exhaustion and sensitivity to touch. Fibromyalgia is a chronic disorder characterized by widespread muscoskeletal pain, fatigue and tenderness in localized areas. It also has a lot of other symptoms, including anxiety, depression, sleep problems and headaches/migraines. I am disappointed to have been diagnosed, but it explains so much of what I've been dealing with for the last two years since COVID. We swapped out my antidepressants and my RLS medicine for meds that are proven to work better with fibromyalgia. I am now on Cymbalta and Gabapentin. Fingers crossed the transition from my old meds to my new ones is smooth and that the Gabapentin really helps with my pain. I've been getting this stabbing pain in my feet and I would SWEAR to you that when I lift my foot up there will be shards of glass in them. So painful.

Loving... having Jack and Logan's friends over for a sleepover. First they all went bowling with their friend's dad. Then some of them got dropped at our house. Those boys are so silly, funny and great. We ended up doing a swap this weekend, so we had Jack, Channing and their friend Hayden Friday night while Logan went to Easton's to sleep.

Thankful... that God blessed us with a rainbow baby and that I was brave enough to try one more time. Carly is such a joy, and it was wonderful to celebrate her this week.

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