Around Here: Week 33 2022

 {August 14-20th}

My new screen saver:
Rockaway beach, captured by Jack
And my intention for 2022

I took this screen shot because it was so beautiful,
but now I can't remember who took it. 

Climbing... into bed when it all gets too much. This week was a doozy, between Logan nearly getting shot; Josh's car being broken (first the power steering went out, then it wouldn't start at all); and being completely broke with half the month left to go, I am just done for. Thankfully I had counseling this week and my counselor was able to guide me through the tough stuff we're facing. Pain in this life is inevitable, and sadness & crying are ways to deal with the pain. So it's okay if I work my way through hard things by crying and feeling sad. If there's nothing I can do to fix a situation, sometimes it can be enough just to sit by and witness it alongside my loved ones. These were much needed reminders.

Watching... Logan's behavior at the suggestion of my counselor.  She said we can trust that a kid with a good support system is most likely going to be resilient. So I don't need to act. Again, I can just sit with him and these big feelings and witness them. Sometimes that means sitting in the uncomfortable feelings. But for my kids, I can surely do hard things. (Not sure what I'm talking about? See last week's post)

Knowing... things were heavy for Josh to need to take the week off.  His dad being in the hospital, his car not running and just life in general were so stressful, he called in.  He never takes time off work. Like ever. But this week he needed to care for his parents, their land and attempt to get his car running again. It was a lot for both of us. 

Reading... Summer's Child and loving it. And continuing to listen to The Shell Seekers. What I love about audiobooks is that I look around the house for things that need doing so I can keep listening. It makes me so productive. This week I organized my closet and my drawers. 

Triggering... Carly's trypophobia on accident. We thought she would love Jack's new shoes. They're like Crocs, but with even more holes.  She literally BURST into tears at the sight of them and said they made her tummy feel yucky.  I felt so bad! But I will admit, the whole thing fascinates me! 

Grateful... Josh can borrow his dad's truck (and was able to fix it so it's running smoothly) while he attempts to figure out what's wrong with his car. 

Sending... the twins to the fair with their friends.  The fair is a huge thing here where we live and they were thrilled to get to go.  Letting go, watching them grow up, and not being alongside them as they make these memories is challenging for me, but I'm slowly working that muscle.  Maybe by the time they're 18 it'll be worked in. 

Seeing... my doctor. It was honestly the worst appointment ever. I came to him desperate about my emotions (being so anxious and tearful and sad), wanting to decrease my migraines and hoping to get an appointment with a rheumatologist to discuss my fibromyalgia with. 
Instead I got a lecture on how I should be grateful for only six migraines a month (since it's down from 10+); on how fat I am and that if I stay on my current path I'll weight 400lbs by the time I hit 45; and how rheumatology appointments are impossible to get for arthritis patients, and if the rheumatologist sees my fibromyalgia diagnosis, they definitely won't bother calling me for an appointment. 

When the appointment was over I felt reprimanded, obese, and stupid, and I sat in the car and cried for a solid ten minutes. It was brutal. 

Sorting... through Wyatt & Carly's clothes pre-back-to-school-shopping.  It felt so good to have them try everything on and know that they only have in their closets what they actually will wear. 

Visiting... the sleep doctor. This was a much welcome, better appointment than my primary care one, and I left it smiling.  My CPAP has helped my energy levels remarkably.  I only nap if I want to, not because I desperately need to.  The doctor was so pleased with the fact that I'm using CPAP every night and I was thrilled to see how much less tired I am compared to when I was first diagnosed with sleep apnea.

Figuring... out all the back to school things. Paperwork, Rx's, nurse papers, open houses, schedules for each school, etc. I am quite nervous for managing four kids in three schools with 24 teachers among them.  Trying to take it one day, one task, at a time currently.

Signing... Carly up for fall soccer for beginners.  She's been asking to play soccer for maybe 6 months to a year now, so I am excited for her to get to try it out. I'm nervous because Josh and I know next to nothing about soccer.  Our boys have only ever played basketball or baseball, so we will all be learning!

Shopping... with Carly and Wyatt in Wenatchee for school clothes with Nanny! We had lunch at McDonald's, Carly and Wyatt's choice. It was Carly's first time seeing a playplace, and she was about it! After eating, we went to the shoe store to get them new shoes.  Then we hit up JC Penney and shopped for Wyatt first.  Shopping for him is so easy.  He's not picky in the least, and is willing to try anything.  Once we got the few things he needed (since he had so many hand-me-downs from the twins he didn't need much) Uncle Blake picked him up and he was able to go hang with his cousins to play. Shopping for Carly after that was so much fun.  My sister Roxanne joined us with her daughter Romy and we found the cutest little outfits for Carly's soccer practices.  We also found some dresses for me for work (I will be subbing at Carly's school again this year) and for family pictures.  I'm hoping for an early fall photo shoot to use for our Christmas cards. When we were finally done shopping, I brought my nephews with us for a sleepover for fun with Wyatt, and we drove home together.

Spending... the day in Wenatchee again on Friday, dropping my nephews at my parents house to play with the twins while I went shopping at Costco with my mom.  Wyatt didn't come with us because he got sick overnight.  A yucky cold that has him tired and headachy. Carly was also not feeling well, so Carly and Wyatt stayed behind with Josh. While out with their cousins, one of the twins went for a spontaneous swim in a small canal and when I heard about it, I lost.my.mind.  Canals are so dangerous, and just this spring we lost one of our local high school seniors the day before graduation in a canal drowning.  Said twin was given a consequence of no screens until he had weeded the entire backyard and both side yards.  We needed the message to be clear: under no circumstances should you swim in a canal. It was one of those situations where I was so grateful he was okay that I wanted to kill him. You know? Haha! Man, I will tell you, parenting is aging me like nobody's business. (#allthegreyhair)
We were able to move on from that bummer (parenting can be such a downer!) and enjoy some yummy pizza dinner and then we just hung out until later when I was ready to take off for home. 

Joining... Noom on the spur of the moment when I was up in the night Friday with Carly who had growing pains in her legs. After giving her medicine, I was scrolling Facebook when I saw an ad for Noom, which my parents and sister have both used and loved.  

Following that bad doctor appointment, I really did feel reprimanded about my out of control weight gain.  It's been on a negative spiral since COVID and my doctor told me I had gained 11 pounds since January.  
Noom starts with some simple questions.  Your goals, your motivation and your daily habits.  All really easy to answer (even in the middle of the night, sleep deprived) and thus I began my journey.  My goal?  Lose 80 lbs., going from 260lbs. to 180lbs.

Why? So I don't miss out on life (particularly the trip that Jack and I are taking next June to Rome & Greece).  Noom assured me this goal was possible and said the only thing I needed to do to start was SIMPLY BELIEVE. 

I literally cried when I read that. The reason I hadn't tried to lose any weight or at the very least not gain any more is because I didn't think I could be successful.  I was terrified if I tried, that I would fail. But Noom said for ten minutes a day and only $3 to start (the cost of my two week trial) I could do it. 

The first focus was on getting enough sleep, drinking water, and increasing green foods (like fruits and veggies). I would need to weigh in everyday and log my food.  That's it. 

That felt doable, and so I started.  I weighed myself the next morning and my starting weight was 265lbs.

Between the Gold coins you get for tracking meals and weighing in, and the accountability of checking in on the app everyday, this app has been perfect for me. I'm really excited to see how it goes from here. 

Waking... up Saturday morning to a praying mantis in our living room.  How? I have no idea. But I was able to gently catch it and relocate it into the back yard.  Logan ended up going to the land with Josh on Saturday, which was nice because he was able to do some mowing for his Grandma.  

Making... homemade pizza and cookies for movie night with Jack, Wyatt and Carly. Poor Carly is still not 100%, so snuggling on the couch for a movie was just what she needed. 

Donating... four baskets of items to Goodwill after my giant sort & purge downstairs and in my room.  A lot of it was clothes & shoes that the kids had outgrown, too.  Gosh it felt good to get it all out of our house!

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Food for thought & Funnies:

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