{November 10-16th}
Enjoying... the long weekend thanks to Veterans Day. It just felt like we had time for everything- to relax and do chores and errands.
Grateful... that Josh went grocery shopping for me. With my depression getting in the shower/getting ready for the day is really hard, as is making decisions, so I was so thankful he went.
Reading... (finally!) Here One Moment, and finishing it. It was a good book, with an interesting premise, but wasn't my favorite read. It had a sad aura and I didn't love that. I also listened to Small Things Like These, which a lot of people rave about, but which I just liked okay. And then I read more than half of Uniquely Human, which is this months' book club pick. It's about autism and was such a good read.
Celebrating... that Jack attended school all week again. Even though it was only four half days, I was so happy he did it!
Keeping... Carly home all week with a cough that was nasty! The poor girl. We tried to make the best of it, playing, coloring, reading and snuggling. I know how fast time goes from third grade to eleventh grade, so I find myself cherishing even the most mundane things with her.
Meeting... with a new counselor on Dr. on Demand after firing the last one for "diagnosing" Jack with bipolar despite having never met him, among other things. My new counselor seems great! I really like her and with how heavy life has been lately, I need a place to vent.
Attending... book club at Emilee's and discussing both life and the book. It was so nice to visit with her and Jessica. Something about sharing our hard things makes carrying feel like it weighs less. I am so grateful for them.
Creating... a scale for Jack's depression so I can know immediately with one question how he is doing.
The scale is as follows:
Great > Good > Fine > Bad > "I don't want to be here" > Suicidal ("I want to kill myself")
Most days he is bad, leaning towards "I don't want to be here", so our goal is to get him to fine, or maybe even good. But knowing if he is suicidal helps so we don't leave him alone or let him drive. It's a lot, but this scale has helped simplify it.
Thinking... a lot about bedtime routines and wishing I could peek in all your windows to see what it looks like at your house. For Carly we usually start bedtime after dinner. She sometimes has a bath or shower and other nights we just read together. She brushes her teeth and takes melatonin, then we move to her bedroom where I tuck her in, turn on her fan (for white noise) play music from her bedtime playlist and sing to her. Almost every night after I sing two or three songs, when I try to leave she says, "Don't leave me! Stay and snuggle me!" in a pretend dramatic way. Sometimes I'll stay for one more song and other times I hug her tight and tell her goodnight and that I'll check on her later. She's always asleep.
The boys stay up until 9:00pm when we take their phones, put them in the box (an old gun safe we have) and then they can stay up until 10:00pm watching a show in bed. When we take their phones, I go room to room and tuck them in, making sure they don't need anything and scratching their backs if they ask.
Especially now that we know they all four likely have ADHD and know that Jack's depression is highly impacted by sleep, bedtime seems more important than ever.
They are all awake between 6:00 and 6:30 in the morning.
The boys stay up until 9:00pm when we take their phones, put them in the box (an old gun safe we have) and then they can stay up until 10:00pm watching a show in bed. When we take their phones, I go room to room and tuck them in, making sure they don't need anything and scratching their backs if they ask.
Especially now that we know they all four likely have ADHD and know that Jack's depression is highly impacted by sleep, bedtime seems more important than ever.
They are all awake between 6:00 and 6:30 in the morning.
Practicing... my patience as Carly spilled milk 4x this week. Sigh. It started with her dropping a new gallon of milk while bringing in the groceries. Thankfully I was able to salvage most of it in a pitcher, but it still made a huge mess on the floor that had to be cleaned and then mopped. Then after that, she spilled a cup of milk every day for three days. This girl needs to slow down!!
Looking... for a job for myself and the twins. Everything is so damn expensive these days- trying to survive on one income isn't cutting it. I am so grateful for Josh, for his hard work and for shouldering our financial lives for so long, but now that I know I won't be getting a teaching position, I need to move on and find something that can help us support these four kids and our household. The twins getting jobs would also help as they could chip in for gas and car insurance!
Loving... how much Carly loves the rain. I grew up on the west side, in Vancouver, and I have experienced enough rain to last a lifetime, but to this girl who grew up in the dessert where the sun shines 300+ days a year, the rain is a fun anomaly. Our old small umbrella broke, so I ordered her a new one with clouds on it and she absolutely loves it!
Buying... Carly a set of red solo cups for stacking and being surprised at how much she and her brothers actually play with them. Such a cheap source of entertainment!
Digging... the old kitchen food & toys out of the shed for the week while she was home sick. It was like I bought her an entire aisle's worth of brand new toys. She had so much fun! She had kind of outgrown them, so we moved the kitchen and accessories into the shed to save for my *someday* kindergarten classroom. Now I'm so glad we did because those toys were exactly what we needed to get through five days of sickness, poor girl!
Sending... the twins off to ride their dirt bikes in the sand dunes with all of their friends. I am so grateful that they have this hobby and that Josh encouraged me to get on board because it's a great way for them to spend time outside being adrenaline junkies without having to be crazy drivers in their cars. Win/win!
Quitting... topiratmate (which I was taking for migraines) when I noticed that I was losing hair and having horrible stomach pain. I had to taper very slowly, but once I was off all the way, I immediately noticed a difference.
Laying... in Carly's bed tent to chat with my mom about everything and feeling pretty darn cozy in there. Haha!
Hosting... a get together for the Logan Paul/Mike Tyson fight. Josh's brother and his girlfriend came over along with his nephew and his girlfriend, and our boys. Josh made pizza and Carly and I took our pizza upstairs to watch Anne with an E because I didn't want her to watch the fight. So we had a girls party upstairs with Carly's American Girl dolls. She named them Lucey, Isabelle, Maybelle and Sammy. I love hearing what names she comes up with.
Giving... Carly a bath on Saturday night and letting her snuggle into our bed to lay with my heating blanket since she was cold and loves to be cozy. I read our chapter book, Granted, to her and before I knew it, she had fallen asleep. She looked so much like her dad and grandpa when she fell asleep, it squeezed my heart. Josh always falls asleep with his fingers linked across his chest like that, and so did his dad. It felt like a little hello from the other side. Hi Carl. We miss you so badly.
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