it's my SAHM-iversary

 Today marks two years since I decided to be a stay-at-home mom.  I remember the day clearly.  It had snowed that morning and I wanted desperately to stay home with the twins, cozy in the house, watching it fall outside our huge front room window.  Instead I kissed their sweet pink lips, bit the inside of my cheek to keep from crying and got in my car.  I cried all the way to work, begging God to let me be home.

We have come so far in those two years, that it feels like that morning was at least a decade ago.

My decision to stay home was not made under the best circumstances. However, the situation being what it was made it very clear to me that I was the one who should be home caring for my children.  Me and no one else.  It made me focus on what really matters and put it all {our future} in God's hands.

I cashed out my retirement and we prayed.

Despite the financial stress and emotions over making such a hasty decision, I was overjoyed to be spending everyday with my boys.  Waking up with them, making Josh's lunch in our jammies while he showered, waving good-bye as he left each morning to go substitute teach.  My world, finally, felt right.

After the decision to stay home back in February 2011, change started happening:

In April Josh got a contract for his position here in Marshall.
In June I had a brand new baby.
In August Josh left for Alaska.
In November I moved out of our duplex.
In December Josh came home to see us.

And in January we departed the Pacific Northwest for the Yukon Delta.

2012 brought some much needed peace.  I settled into a routine, and life as a family of five became normal.  With so many transitions, it has taken a while to become the stay-at-home mom I want to be.  I have had to learn to slow down, figure out what works for me and get to know myself in this new role.

I was thinking yesterday of what my favorite part of being a stay-at-home mom is.  So many thoughts came to me... I love never leaving the boys.  I love our slow mornings.  I love homeschooling the twins.  I love giving baths in the middle of the day.  I love making our house a home.  I love working on my cooking skills, and providing a home cooked meal each night.  I love keeping house, cleaning and organizing.  I love being there for every moment, and witnessing every milestone.  Being here feels like the biggest blessing in the world after years of longing for it.

"When the future seems uncertain, like the coming of a storm;
Your loving Father, carries his children, when they can't walk anymore.
~
No matter how the wind may blow, it cannot shake the sun.
Lay your sorrows on the ground, it's time to come back home."

-JJ Heller