Do something!

 Last week on Thursday, Josh decided to stay home & take care of me.  My migraine had me in tears before my shower, and the medicine, while amazing, made me feel worse for a long time before it made me feel better.  So he went to the school for a short time to make lesson plans and once he got back he sent me to bed for some much needed rest.

I stayed in bed until just before lunch.  At first, I read for a little bit. Then I felt the center drop out of my stomach as the anxiety began to creep in.  Whenever I am sick in bed, I feel a heavy sadness, like cold sand burying me, making me feel claustrophobic & alone.  Then I started freaking out that I had taken expired medicine and googled "Can you die from taking old Imitrex?" before convincing myself that a little rest would put my anxiety to sleep better than WebMD could, and I forced myself to lay my phone down and close my eyes.

I awoke two hours later feeling quite refreshed and emotionally full.  I was so grateful that Josh had stayed home to take care of me.  He had done school with the twins, and played with them & Wyatt afterwards.  It was a much needed family day, and by the time I laid Wyatt down for his nap, my headache was fully gone.

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I have begun to recognize now situations where my anxiety is likely to show up.  

Sick in bed? Make room, cause the anxiety's coming over. Invited or not.  

Kids have a random illness symptom?  Take a deep breath, cause here comes the freak-out.  

Giant to-do list without enough time/energy to get it done? Get ready for a meltdown.

Knowing when it's going to entangle me gives me the upper hand, 

so I am thankful to know what some of my triggers are.  

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Yesterday I knew Josh was going to spend the majority of the afternoon at the school working in his classroom and meeting with some classmates for his masters program. I had quite the to-do list I wanted to accomplish in his absence, and was suffering (again) from a massive headache.  Not quite a migraine, but just on the edge.

I was standing in the kitchen, deciding what to do, 

leaning towards laying on the couch reading,

when I read the scripture I have above the sink:

"She is clothed with strength and dignity and she laughs without fear of the future.  

When she speaks, her words are wise, and she gives instructions with kindness.  

She carefully watches everything in her household, and suffers nothing from laziness."

-Proverbs 31:25-27

And then I knew.  I had to do something.

I started with tortillas, making two batches, one for the fridge and one for the freezer. Then I did a load of laundry & ordered Wyatt's new snow mittens.  Followed by a double batch of pumpkin muffins (thanks Erika! It's still my favorite recipe!) which I split in half, freezing two dozen for later use.  Then I cleaned the entire downstairs and planned my menu for the week.

Between all the chores, I played with the kids, letting them help where they could, and tried to enjoy the jobs I was accomplishing.  I went to bed last night with zero anxiety, looking forward to the wonderful week I had planned & prepared for.

I hope to remember this sweet little lesson. That when life feels overwhelming, instead of shutting down, I just need to start somewhere, do something.  

That always feels better (and more empowering) than doing nothing.

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