Yell. Stop.
Yell. Stop.
But now, over a week later, I realize I haven't yelled in probably six days. I didn't even notice until I sat down to type an update and calculated when the last time I lost my temper was.
Our house feels a few degrees calmer, and I am working harder to stay one step ahead. I've changed a few rules (ie No playing after school until 4:15 so I am not feeling rushed as we unload backpacks & do homework) and have figured out that the mornings I am most likely to yell are mornings when I shower (and then have to blow dry my hair), so I have been skipping daily showers, and opting for an every other day schedule, so I only have to "get ready" on Tuesdays & Thursdays. I am proud of myself for putting our family's peace above my need to look perfect.
My friend Emily suggested I follow SimplyOnPurpose on Instagram, so I've been using her top tips as a guide to my success (thanks, Em!).
1) Our goal as parents is to teach (not to punish!)
2) Reward good behavior (usually we ignore good behavior, how crazy is that?)
3) Ignore junk behavior (kinda hard at first, but gets easier)
Those three goals are so simple that changing my parenting hasn't felt overwhelming. I just remember that my goal is to TEACH the kids what to do, not to PUNISH them constantly for misbehavior. And the other side, rewarding good behavior while ignoring bad, is so positive that it can't help but make you feel good about the parenting you're doing.
Because I have more than one kid, too, I find that praising the positive behavior ("Thank you for making your lunch independently!" "Good job buckling up without being asked") leads to the other off-task brothers getting their jobs done as well, in hopes that they, too, will be praised. It is definitely win-win.
I promise to keep you posted on this No-Yell journey. I have basically spent my entire parenting journey trying to give up yelling, and have yet to have any changes stick. But I remain hopeful that as I continue to grow & mature, my ways can (and will) change permanently.
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Oh these pictures are so fun! I love you Logan! Great work Shelly!
ReplyDeleteHooray! I'm so excited for you that you feel successful and happy! Praising good behavior is so motivating for our kids too - it's one of my fav tricks. When I feel about to give a negative comment to a kid making bad choices I look for the kid doing the right thing and praise them instead. Sometimes it's even Rusty! I say thank you a lot too - aloud or whispered in their ear which makes it more special. Sometimes I just grab a kid, give them a hug and say, "hey, thanks for being such a great brother/sister" when I see them doing something kind. You are so right, it's much easier to praise then to correct! I find it's also easier to warn/prepare than it is to correct. Like in a restaurant I just throw out the warning at the beginning, "look around, everyone else is trying to enjoy their meal to, be respectful with your voice and body" and then it only takes the 'ole mom glance if they star getting rowdy (hahaha). Great job Shelly!! Xxoxo (I still yell, but it takes me a long time to get there because of these other things. So if I'm yelling (hah) it's a big deal.
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