Around Here: Week 48 {2018}

{Baby selfie}

{photo credit: Carly May}

 Decorating... for Christmas the Saturday after Thanksgiving. Carly loved every single thing she came across in the three totes we opened together.  Her enthusiasm is truly unmatched.  The boys were so excited to be reunited with their Christmas books.  We had a great evening decorating the Christmas tree, listening to Christmas music, reminiscing when the babies were little as we looked at their old ornaments and making sure we hung the breakable ones up high, out of Carly's reach.  The rest she regularly takes off to play with and re-hangs as she sees fit. (#ocdfreechristmas) Hah!

Unable... to get enough of Carly's giggles.  It's the worst, though, because when I am supposed to be singing her to sleep or laying her down for a nap, I cannot help myself. I keep tickling her, teasing her and making her laugh. It's a real problem. She's just so darn cute, though, and her laughter is delicious.

Coughing... a lot following this cold that I got before Thanksgiving.  I wish it would take a hike!!!

Feeling... let down when Logan had a seizure after two weeks of being seizure free.  Just when I start to feel hopeful... one sneaks in and reminds me I'm not in control.

Reading... The Broken Way and loving it so much.  "Somehow there is good brokenness that grows out of every scar and wound we will ever suffer," she says.  "Our broken hearts always break His... Your one broken heart always splits God's heart in two.  You never cry alone." I needed to read that this week.  Whenever Logan has a seizure after going a while without one, I have a good cry.  It's so frustrating to feel like maybe we are onto something, only to be thrown back to square one.  Imagining that God is crying alongside me is very comforting.

Writing... "35 Lessons I Learned in my Thirty Fifth Year" here on the blog, which I had been writing in my head for months leading up to my 36th birthday.  It took a lot of willpower to finally sit my butt down and type it out, but I am so, so glad I did.  Those lessons were hard earned and I am really proud of the year I've and all the lessons I've learned.

Comforting... Carly when she woke to a nightmare of a monster bunny eating her butt.  No joke.  That is what she told me when I rushed in and scooped her up.  She was sobbing and shaking and as we rocked, calming her down, she told me she had a bad dream about a monster bunny who was eating her butt.  This girl. I swear.  She just kills me.

Finally... getting a haircut.  Roughly half of my hair fell out from chronic emotional stress back in September.  The doctor and I talked through the possible causes then, and we figure it is from the mix of worrying over Wyatt's asthma and Logan's continual seizures as school was letting out back in June. (Hair grows and falls out on a three month cycle, so it died three months before it actually fell out.)
My mom bought me Monat in October so I could try and care for the hair I have left as best as possible.  It seems to be helping, along with some vitamins and minerals I'm taking daily, and I am seeing lots of regrowth.  But as I wait for it to grow back, I wanted to shorten up what I have. So I chopped it off to about chin length.  It's incredibly thin (Carly has a bigger pony tail than I do) but it does look much healthier now.
Monat requires that I wash it twice daily in the shower, plus use conditioner.  It's quite time consuming, which is hard some days.  Then I use an Intense Repair Treatment at the roots each day before I blow dry, and I use Rejuvenique Oil once a week on my whole head.  Sometimes I wonder if it's really working, but then I remember how dry and awful it looked when I started, and I know it's working.  And I can see the results of some of the ladies who have stuck with it six months to a year, and I am not going to give up.

Settling... into a morning routine that seems to be working well for us, which is like a quiet hallelujah.  Josh leaves for work before the kids wake up, so it's me + the four of them on our own.  For a while I was able to wake up before them to work out & meditate.  But then Wyatt started being up in the night for breathing treatments, so now we're back to me working out and showering while they are up.  But I make sure they are done with their morning lists (I have an actual list I printed off and laminated that they can check off on the pantry door with white board markers) before I jump in the shower, and if they behave (no fighting) all morning, they get to watch a screen while I get ready.  It's win-win, really, because if I let them do screens, I get an uninterrupted shower (holler!!) and they get a little down time before school. 
For a long time I was all, "NO SCREENS DURING THE WEEK!" but then I was like, "Why am I doing this to myself?" We were all fighting and my showers were so stressful and I decided to change the rules.  It's a embarrassing how much nicer our mornings are now that they can behave and not kill each other when I'm locked away in my room getting dressed & doing my hair.  Seriously.  Moms, we are so hard on ourselves!

Loving... Carly playing and Wyatt doing projects at the kitchen table everyday after school.  Her little voice and his big messes...  Sometimes it feels loud and obnoxious, but I know that one day I'm gonna miss this.

Learning... in a "Motherly" article that moms work 98 hours a week.  No wonder I am so dang tired.

Being... the best mom ever. (Okay, small exaggeration!) But I did let Carly choose her rain boots at Walmart since her hand-me-down froggy ones from Logan are too small now.  I wanted to get her the CUTEST light blue rainbow ones (she is my rainbow baby, after all!), but as soon as she saw the red Paw Patrol ones with Marshall on them, I was toast. She was so excited about them, I just had to say yes.

Cutting... a train out of Carly's hair after being unable to get it out any other way.  Thankfully you can't really tell I had to cut it out, but I was upset nonetheless.  For some reason whenever she plays with these Magic Tracks cars she always puts them on her head, and those little wheels love to roll her soft blond hair up in their gears. Gah! Stop, girlfriend!!!

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I saw this on Rachel Hollis' Facebook one evening after a particularly rough night parenting the twins, when I was doubting every choice I had ever made in regards to the two of them, and it was exactly what I needed to hear.  I just thought maybe some of you could use the reminder, too. 

God chose YOU to be the mama of your kids. He trusts you.  

You can do this.

Carry on, mama.

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