Church

Every Tuesday evening I go to church for bible study.  It's one of my favorite times of the week.  A time for prayer and fellowship and learning.  I'm so grateful for those couple of hours away from my house, and in the presence of other ladies who understand life out here.

My last church experience ended badly, over a decade ago, and the pain for a long time was raw and unhealed; a wound.  But coming to this church and making time for me, has healed that wound into what is now a painless scar.  I still bear the marks of what happened, but the pain is gone.  And I am so grateful.

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When I show up, the kids are still leaving Truth Seekers, and I love the opportunity to visit with them.  I adore these girls.

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And on the walk home, I love contemplating how I'm going to apply all that I've learned to this life that I'm living.  The thought for this week:

"The most important aspects of our lives cannot be rushed.

We cannot love, think, eat, laugh or pray in a hurry."

-James Bryan Smith

My Greatness

"Your greatness 

is not what you have,

it's what you give."

Parenting is on my mind tonight, and as I was contemplating how best to explain what I'm feeling, I came across this quote (with no author) on Pinterest.  I feel that while I may not be a perfect parent, I am definitely giving this job my all, and what I give is what makes it great.

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Then I Close My Eyes... A Twin Post

Life with twins is always interesting.  Maybe it's just my background in psychology, or the fact that my entire life has been surrounded by twins (I met my first pair, & best friends, when I was only two), but I find everything about Logan & Jack's interactions completely fascinating.  That said, as their mother, I also find a lot of their interactions frustrating.  They can love & support each other in ways I can't fully understand, but they can also cut each other down and hurt each other in ways that no one else could.

There's the constant comparison-- both by themselves and by those around them (myself included) and the constant refrain that "life's not fair" when one twin has an opportunity the other doesn't.  Josh and I vacillate between thinking we should introduce them to the idea that not everything is equal and equal doesn't always mean fair; and the opposite thought that, as twins, we should really try to treat them the same and make sure they have the same experiences.  It's exhausting.

The obvious truth is that life is not fair, but as twins they face so many obstacles (their friends not knowing who is who, constantly being confused for each other, and always, since birth, vying for attention) that part of me wants to make sure they feel treated fair at least occasionally when I can control for it.

On the other hand, along with the struggles they face being identical twins in a world that either fantasizes twins or makes them seem evil, they are blessed beyond explanation to have each other.  When I have talked to them in the past about Wyatt being a singleton, they both expressed gratitude for having been born twins, saying that being born alone would be sad and lonely.  Instead of opting to be a singleton themselves, they both agreed that Wyatt could be their triplet.  They know that what they have is special.  And I'm so glad.  It makes the hard times a little easier to swallow.

The other day Logan was telling me that his friend kept calling him Jack.  We aren't sure if it was on purpose or not, but it really hurt Logan's feelings, and by the time he got around to telling me, he was crying about it.  I told him that that is going to happen to him for his whole life.  There's no sense beating around the bush or pretending that the future is going to be any different than the present.  But... but, I told him, the plus side to having a twin is that you get to experience life together.  You get to always have a friend by your side.  Sometimes that is pretty awesome, and other times it might be pretty hard.  

They can drive each other crazy, but they also have empathy for each other when having consequences or when they are injured.  When Logan was struggling with his fear of mummies, Jack agreed to trade beds with him, moving to the bottom bunk himself so Logan could have the top bunk and no longer fear mummy hands grasping at him from under the bed.

The other evening Josh had taken Jack with him on an airport run, leaving Logan home with Wyatt and myself.  That night as I tucked Jack in bed he told me, "Sometimes when I am gone, I think to myself, "I wonder what Logan is doing right now." Then I close my eyes and I can see what he is doing."  Josh and I looked at each other across the room and shared a set of goosebumps.

"There are two things in life 

for which we are never truly prepared: twins."

-Josh Billings  

Kids of Marshall

As the weather gets nicer we are spending more and more time outside.  Nearly everywhere we go, there are friends who accompany us.  I have such a heart for these kids.  Kids who play alongside my kids, who've watched Wyatt grow from a tiny babe, and whom I've seen grow over the last four years.  They are all so beautiful & I love having the opportunity to be (even a small) part of their lives.

Insta Update + a few fresh pics

I've said it before, and I'll say it again-- I love instagram!

I'm alaska_babyham.  Find me & send a follow request. 

I'd love to have you.

Here are some instagram pics as of late.

Wyatt had his first independent play date.  He was SO excited! Krista said he did really well and I was proud of him for being such a big boy!

Wyatt loves stacking things.  Cars are his specialty.

This was last Sunday morning.

I love when they can play cooperatively & imaginatively.

Especially while I drink my coffee & read.

Wyatt fell asleep one night, sitting upright on the stool by his bed.

Here's a better picture.  He was completely asleep.

Josh scooped him up & put him back in bed.

 So, I have a thing for Orange Koolaid.  We went through the last of it a few weeks ago, and Josh bought me more at the co op.  I love that he gets me.

 The sun came back this weekend!  We spent each day playing out.  Wyatt prefers digging in the dirt to playing at the playground.

This moose hoof is on one of the rock piles just outside our front door.  People give the bones to their dogs so they end up strewn about town. 

 This is a reflection of water from a table outside our window.  It reminds me of my bestie, Julie, whose backyard pool makes the same reflection on the ceiling in her kitchen.  I miss her.  And I miss that kitchen.

Spring in Alaska is a confusing time.  So much sunshine, sweet peas growing on the windowsill, but still the occasional freezing temps & morning visits from Jack Frost. 

These two.

My heart.

I can hardly contain the love.

Piggy back rides are his favorite.

Love this little monkey! 

 I have a thing for pens.

Sorting through them is like choosing my favorite child--

Impossible.

 We have no dishwasher here.  That means when things like this happen, the task feels daunting.  On the other hand, nothing makes me smile like an empty sink!

My dad took this picture on a recent hike & sent it to me.  He said the birch trees always remind him of me.  This is what I posted on Instagram:

THE ROAD NOT TAKEN

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood

And sorry I could not travel both

And be one traveler, long I stood

And looked down one as far as I could

To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair

And having perhaps the better claim

Because it was grassy and wanted wear

Though as for that the passing there

Had worn them really about the same. 

And both that morning equally lay

In leaves no steps had trodden back

Oh, I kept the first for another day

Yet knowing how way leads onto way

I doubted if I should ever come back. 

I shall be telling this with a sigh

Somewhere ages and ages hence

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood, and I

I took the one less traveled by

And that has made all the difference. 

-Robert Frost

My dad sent me this picture from a recent hike of his. Birch trees are sort of my thing. I love them. Growing up, we had some in our front yard. I love to peel the "paper" off the trunk, find aphids on the bright green leaves, and catch caterpillars falling out of its top branches in late summer. As an adult they always remind me of this poem by Robert Frost. I feel that we've taken the road less traveled by, and while it's made for a challenging journey, it's also made all the difference.

All bundled up, but outside & happy(!) earlier this week.

His eyes as well as his brothers seem to be changing from the brightest blue to green, 

just like me & Josh.

This is the view from my spot at the kitchen table where we homeschool.  I moved my "Linger" sign to the back window so I could meditate on it during our learning time.  I'm so blessed to be able to homeschool my kids and spend my days lingering with them.

The boys love painting, especially Wyatt.  Last time they painted their chubby fingers and made handprints.  I love them so much!

I have taken up reading with a new vengeance and it makes me so happy.  When I was struggling with anxiety, it was hard for me to stick with a book and enjoy my favorite hobby.  Feeling better and being able to enjoy it again is cause for celebration.

Read:
The Paying Guests (Could NOT put it down!)
The Last Letter From Your Lover (It was okay...)
Hands Free Mama (Changing my life!)

Currently Reading:
The Well-Trained Mind (A giant read, 800 pages, but so awesome!)
How To Be a Woman (Just finished yesterday!  It was vulgar, but hilarious!)
One Thousand Gifts (re-reading and loving it even more than before)

To Read:
Orphan Train (I can't wait!)
How To Fall in Love (I adore Cecelia Ahern)

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Happy Sunday!

My Journal

I love writing in my journal.  With such easy access to Facebook, Instagram and my blog, it's easy to neglect that sweet little book on my bedside table, but whenever I take a moment to write, like this afternoon while the boys played in the sun, I feel better.  I love to get things off my chest, clear my thoughts & remember certain times in my life.

One of my favorite past times is rereading old journals.  I have nearly 100 (starting when I was 8 years old) and love being able to skim them and jump back into any point in my life.

"Writing is seeing. 

It is paying attention."

-Kate DiCamillo

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Easter Egg Hunt