around here: week 20 2020

{May 10-16th}

 

{baby wyatt!}

Celebrating... Mother's Day with Josh out of town helping his sister finish her house to get it on the market.  We were missing him fierce the whole time he was gone (I don't think I have ever missed him so much, and I lived an entire school year without him when Carly was a newborn-), single parenting during COVID not being my strong suit, but the kids came in strong for my special day, making me coffee and muffins (our family favorite, Jiffy from the box) and Logan even called Grandma Carol to see if she would take them for the afternoon and give mommy some time off duty.  Sooo sweet!
Their cards melted my heart and I felt so proud (and blessed) to be their mommy.

Porch visiting... with my girl Shana during my afternoon off from the kiddos, and enjoying the Starbuck's and beautiful rose she brought me while we chatted.  These are strange times, indeed, but we're all making the best of it.

Seeing... Jack's gorgeous straight smile for the first time with his braces off on Monday after a long overdue orthodontist appointment. Carly and I waited in the car during his appointment- she played and I read- and he came out looking soo handsome! Now I can't wait to see Logan's come off!

Laughing... (and sharing on social media) about my amazing quarantine fashun sense and hearing that I am not alone. Unwashed hair in a messy bun, coupled with day-old clothes with unidentifiable stains, bags under our eyes from sleepless nights while rocking the highest weights we've ever been, somehow us mama's are making it through. #fistbump We got this, ladies.

Reading... Writers & Lovers and feeling that pull to write again.  Such a good read, and so fun to underline and be inspired by.  And also reading Nothing to See Here, which as a mom and former nanny I really enjoyed. It was a quick read and one I recommend.
I read both of those as the start of my #kelseysbotmreadathon weekend, hoping to get through four books, and they made for a strong start! I also copied some other bookstagrammers and made time lapse recordings of myself reading (you can see them under my highlights on my Instagram page profile) and those were super fun to see.  I get interrupted when I'm reading a LOT (hello four kids!) but that doesn't deter me.  And it makes the times when I do get uninterrupted reading time feel like a real luxury!

Watching... Ten Things I Hate About You on Disney one of the nights while Josh was gone and feeling all the junior high feels.  Gosh how I sometimes wish I could go back to the innocence of those years and tell myself to relax and enjoy the ride.

Happy... for my sister as she brought her former foster daughter for a little visit.  It's so good to see her in pictures and Facetime with her.  She has the BEST faces and says the funniest things. I adore her, and the relationship she and Carly has is hilarious. I love them.

Struggling... with keeping the kids caught up in school, and with parenting these rambunctious boys on my own half of this week. Our district doesn't know yet when our last day will be.  It could be as late as June 19th, but we're hoping to get out earlier since our online learning started pretty much immediately after we shut down.  Fingers crossed. 
As for the fighting, half the time, I try to run a tight ship and half the time, I remember what Josh tells me and that is, brothers fight. It's what they do.  Mostly, I'm just tired.  And man alive if they aren't the loudest bunch of kids you ever heard.

Recording... three things I'm grateful for everyday in my "Three Moments A Day" journal every evening even if it's a challenge (hah!) and finding it really does help me through the hard days.

Picking up... the twins belongings from their lockers at the middle school.  They had a good system in the parking lot where you checked in at one vehicle (from your vehicle) and then drove around to the other side to pick up your bag of items.  Logan was overjoyed to be reunited with his gorgeous new Nike shoes that he left in his PE lockers and we laughed to find his old cell phone still charged & working.

Suffering... random physical panic attacks throughout the week at different times during the day.  Heart pounding, arms feeling like buzzing bees, vision narrowing.  Just the worst. I really hate them when they come on at bedtime.  They usually feel like heartburn/a semi-truck parked on my chest, and I can't catch my breath.  When I get them at bedtime I take some of my anti-anxiety meds.  (I take Hydroxyzine, which is a relative of Benadryl and was a safe anti-anxiety drug to take while breastfeeding Carly.) But I found this week that on the days following the nights when I took it, I was left feeling very lethargic and almost hung-over feeling.  Not good. Blah. I hope I start feeling better soon.

Hugging... Josh SO tight when he got home on Wednesday evening. Boy I missed him!!! His face was all scruffy from not shaving (which normally drives me crazy) but I did not care a whit. I just loved him and hugged him and even told him he was so handsome and rugged all unshaven. It was so good to have my husband (and co-parent!) back.

Speechless... when I sat at the table as Carly held a humongous knife up to me along with a block of cheese and asked, "Will you cut me a chunk of cheese?!?" This girl. I tell you. I don't know where she comes up with this stuff... but she keeps us all on our toes.

Loving... on my mother-in-law's kitty, Peppercorn, when I dropped Carly & Wyatt off to spend the day with Grandma & Papa.  Peppercorn is so friendly and cute. His paws are huge, and he's so strong, even though he's still young. He even tried to get in the van with me. Haha!

Enjoying... another family campfire Thursday and loving us some smores!!

Reacting... to avocado on my nachos Saturday and having to call 9-1-1 because the advice nurse was worried.  She said since my tongue was swelling up, not just my lips, and I was home alone with four kids, she was concerned my throat my be next, and it'd be best not to take any chances.
Thankfully the Benadryl I took immediately upon noticing the hives inside my lips did its job, and the EMT's said I was fine.  Phew!
Now I just need to call my primary doc to set up some allergy testing to see what's going on. So strange!!

***

Around Here: Week 19 2020

Determined... to have a better week this week after suffering from crazy emotions last week.  The main change I made was making the boys morning lists so that when we wake up in the morning I'm not the only person doing everything. I needed to lighten my load.  So they are now helping tidy the house in addition to getting ready for the day. It has helped immensely.

Sorting... through clothes from my best friend Shana (as well as all the other clothes Carly has had donated from my friends through the years) and deciding what to keep, what to share and what to toss... What.a.process!! It took nearly all day Sunday to finish, but boy was I glad when I was through.  Plus I had a TON of goods for both my sister and my friend Megan, not to mention an insane summer wardrobe for Carly and plenty for her to grow into.

Sewing... at the same time as sorting, with the boys, who were making the cutest little stuffed animal monsters from these kits that Aunt Julie sent them.  They earned the kits from doing kindnesses around the house & for each other, and filling their bead jars with beads for all the kindness.  They were able to do pretty  much all the sewing themselves except the tying off at the end. I was impressed.  I really enjoyed helping them because it gave me an excuse to use my Granda Beverly's right handed sewing scissors which my mom passed on to me since she is left handed.

Visiting... with my sister for a few hours when she dropped by Monday to pick up the clothes I had sorted and bring me a Mother's Day gift- some delicious lotion & bath products, and a globe necklace.  We sat outside, socially distanced, and it was so nice out, I even got a touch of a sunburn! It was so good to see her and catch up, I didn't want to say goodbye!

Hosting... Josh's parents for his dad's birthday dinner on Monday & enjoying a bit of a BBQ and post-dinner fire pit time.  The kids read on the trampoline and snuggled in their blankets.  It was a super fun night, and I look forward to many more this summer.  There's not a lot we will be able to do, but since we've allowed each other into our "safe" circles, we can spend time together, so I'm looking forward to more of that!
That night, the boys also took turns driving Josh's RC car in the dark, and it looked super cool, all lit up.

Behind... on dishes all week, and suffering from "homeschool house", if that's a thing. Hah!

Dosing... Benadryl to Wyatt on the regular for what appears to be Fifths disease & an itchy rash, and feeling grateful it's nothing scarier.

Solving... the migraine oil stick mystery!  I had a migraine oil roller show up for me in my mailbox and I didn't know who it was from, but it brought tears to my eyes, making me feel so seen and loved.  My sister-in-law copped up to having sent it to help ease my migraines, and I just couldn't love that girl more. Thanks, Julie!!!

Happy... my dad was able to visit his parents (my sweet grandparents) at the beach where they live.  I worry about them and have missed them so much! If I can't go see them, at least he could check on them for me!

Teaching... Carly to read this week, using the Teach Your Child to Read in 100 Easy Lessons, the same book I used to teach the twins and Wyatt to read, and wondering what the future holds for us, education-wise.  Will the boys head to school in the fall? Will they have on & off days? Will Josh teach in his classroom full time?
A blogger I follow shared this quote:
"Liminal space is an inner state and sometimes an outer situation where we can begin to think and act in new ways.  It is where we are betwixt and between, having left one room or stage of life but not yet entered the next.  We usually enter liminal space when our former way of being is challenged or changed- perhaps when we lose a job or loved one, during illness, at the birth of a child, or a major relocation.  It is a graced time, but often does not feel "graced" in any way.  In such space, we are not certain or in control.  This global pandemic we now face is an example of an immense, collective liminal space.
The very vulnerability and openness of liminal space allows room for something genuinely new to happen.  We are empty and receptive- erased tablets waiting for new words.  Liminal space is where we are most teachable, often because we are most humbled.  Liminality keeps us in an ongoing state of shadowboxing instead of ego-confirmation, struggling with the hidden side of things, and calling so-called normalcy into creative question."
-Richard Rohr
I felt like this perfectly encapsulated how we are all feeling right now- things could go in any direction, and while it can feel scary, it can also feel kind of freeing and exciting. (At least, that's how I'm trying to look at it!)

Making... Jiffy muffins (from the box) for the kids and I, and enjoying them so much with a little butter on top. It's really the little things lately.  Oh! Like earlier this week when I cooked up some onions and when I looked over to where Carly was supposed to be putting the extras in a container for later, she was eating them instead. Haha!!
And cutting and bringing in hydrangeas for the kitchen table.  Those flowers make me smile each time I look at them.

Posting... about our trip to the beach last spring break since we didn't get a traditional spring break this year.  Boy was it fun to revisit those memories!!

Sending... the littles & the twins to Grandma Carol's alternating on Tuesdays & Thursdays, which is the most beautiful respite my mama heart could ever dream of.  It's so nice to have a day with just Carly & Wyatt at the house, and then another day with just Jack & Logan at the house.  And Carol & Carl are loving the time with the kids out at the land. They are helping Carol in the garden and doing chores with Papa. It makes me so happy, and SO grateful.  (Also, it was SO nice to take a drive out to the land- it's such a beautiful drive, and was really nice to be out of the house for a while after so long being stuck inside.)

Finding... our old bubble machine, and getting more joy out of that thing than seemed possible.  The kids are having a blast with it, especially on the trampoline!  What a great find during this eighth week of quarantine.

Watching... Orange Is The New Black with Josh; Brain Child (great for if you are homeschooling your kids- it's on Netflix) and Hobbs & Shaw with the twins.

Reading... The Glittering Hour, which is starting slow, but I've heard good things.

Wearing... my watermelon socks so that Carly can wear her watermelon socks and match me, and thinking of Glennon Doyle in Untamed talking about how our daughters are looking to us and asking, "How do I be a woman, mommy? How do I be a woman? How do I be?" Gah! So much pressure!

Ordering... Mother's Day gifts for my mom and sister, and smiling SO big when my sister sent me a pic of her daughter (my adorable niece Romy) with her nails painted with the polish I sent.  I have also been loving the videos lately that my sister shares on a text thread with my mom, dad and I of Romy talking. Her speech has suddenly taken off, and I could listen to sister talk all.day.long.  No joke!  Love that girl!!!

Updating... my Facebook cover photo with a picture collage of photographs of the kids and Grady that all make me smile. These days I am doing anything that puts a little spark of joy in my heart.

Letting... Carly run wild with  my camera on my phone, and getting lots of cute pictures in return, all from her sweet perspective.  I think I might do that more often.

Sending... Josh off to Vancouver with LOTS of hugs and MISSING him like crazy while he's been gone.  At one point, Carly randomly burst into tears at dinner saying she missed daddy and she nearly made the rest of us burst into tears, it was so darn sad!! That bottom lip & those alligator tears!!

Trying on... my new Old Navy swimsuit (that is the next larger size I had to return & reorder) and feeling much bigger than I was at the beginning of quarantine two months ago. But I am giving myself grace, and looking on the bright side, which is that Josh and I walked the dog four times this week.  sigh.  These times are hard, people.

Taking... the kids on a family bike ride two days in a row, pulling Carly behind me and FEELING IT! Normally when we ride, Josh pulls her, so when he's gone, it's up to me to do it, and I got a good workout from it, let me tell you!

Laughing... when I opened a package on Saturday and found the new t-shirt Josh had ordered me.

"Every great mom

says the "f" word"

is what it said. And I couldn't love it more. That man gets me, and I love him for it.

***