It's been all work & no play around the Cunningham household lately. Unfortunately that also means no blogging! I am so happy to be sitting here typing and posting pictures of our beautiful, quickly growing boys once again!
I have been working so hard to make sure the boys are my top priority when I get home that I am often putting them to bed, preparing for the next day and getting into bed myself so that my patience with them the following morning is what it should be.
Not only am I behind on my blogging, but I am behind on the boys' memory calendars also. They ran out of pages in August and it's on my To-do list to scrap the new ones and get them on the fridge, but at this rate, they may not be ready until October!
I am shocked at how quickly September is passing us by. I can't believe I've been back at work two weeks already. It feels like I fell immediately back into the groove, which I am so thankful for.
The hardest part about going to work is being away from these guys. My men. The sum total of what matters in my life. But somehow God is allowing me to do it. Yesterday was randomly really difficult for me, and I teared up a little bit, wishing I was at home putting them in their beds for nap time. But other than that, I have felt peace about being at work, knowing that it's where I am supposed to be.
I wish that I knew what the future held. I wish that I knew if I'd be home with them next week. Next month. Next year. But the fact is, I don't. So I just have to plug along, one day at a time, knowing that God is in control.
It seems lately that I find Him everywhere I go.
And I see His good work everyday.
One thing for sure is that Josh being out of school is a huge blessing. I think that when I was dreading going back to work, I was remembering how much work it was to work full time, take the babies to and from care, and to be fully responsible for their needs a majority of the time. Now that Josh is done with school, we are sharing the responsibilities of the household and the childcare. It feels so good to have some of that weight lifted from my shoulders.
Going through this together...
It's just been amazing. It's such a challenge for both of us. For me, who wants to stay home, it's difficult to get up everyday and go to work. For Josh, who wants nothing more than to provide for his family, it's difficult to instead wake up & spend the day potty training two year olds. Yet, somehow (read: by the grace of God) we have been able to come together during these difficult times instead of being pulled apart by them. I feel like we are rock solid right now. I am so grateful.
It helps that the boys are growing up.
They are less demanding than they once were.
They can do more for themselves.
And they can fully communicate with us.
The other day we were having a playdate with our buddies Mason & Orion when out of nowhere Jack comes up, taps me on the leg and says, "Mommy. I want chocolate, mommy." Where does he get this stuff?!?
I do have good news on the job front. Josh was able to get on as a substitute teacher. This is good news for two reasons: He will be able to gain valuable experience while he waits to find full time work, and he will be able to help us financially as my job does not pay the bills.
He worked the last three days of this week, and he was a different man. He was so happy to be back in the classroom. It is definitely where he belongs. There is no question about that! What a blessing to know that what we are waiting for is for sure what he wants to do with his life. Teaching is his calling.
I feel that I am truly in God's hands. That we are in God's hands.
I know that once I accept where we are, He will reveal His big plan.
So I am working on acceptance. And everyday I am making progress.
Meanwhile, the boys are growing up right before my eyes.
They are not having
any potty accidents except for #2.
They're still not sure they want to do
that in the toilet.
So we're not pushing.
They are going to bed like champions.
We do dinner, bath, jammies & a story.
Then hugs, kisses & lights out by 7:00pm.
Last night & tonight we walked out of their room,
and NEVER had to go back in.
They fell asleep, on their own, without being put back in bed or laid back down.
Miracle of miracles!
We've been working on this for six weeks solid now.
And finally it's paying off.
(We use a video camera that Josh bought & mounted on their wall to watch for misbehavior, and for the first few weeks we were going in more than twenty times over the course of an hour for jumping on the bed, kicking the walls, yelling, climbing out of bed or sitting up in bed. Then it got down to about a half hour. And then suddenly we didn't have to go in anymore. When we did go in, we would give the boys a time out- where we sat them on the rug in their room and held their arms for about ten seconds- and then placed them back in bed.)
And on top of our newly improved bedtime routine
THEY ARE SLEEPING THROUGH THE NIGHT NOW!!!
If you have followed the blog for any amount of time, you are likely familiar with the many sleep issues we have had. For a while we were regularly sleeping on the floor in the boys' room... And I have had to (off and on) rock one or the other of the boys to sleep. None of which worked like this whole "fall asleep on your own" thing has. Thank God my husband thought it would work and started. It was AWFUL at first, but completely worth it!
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I am hoping the same is true of working.
That it may be AWFUL here in the beginning,
but whatever God has planned for us will be completely worth the sacrifices right now.
The hardest part is that I just miss them so damn much.
I miss the cute things they say.
{for example: the other day at the park, this is what the sky looked like, and Jack pointed up and said, "Look, Mommy. It's ocean!" And I had to explain that the ocean is made of water, and that those were clouds in the sky.}
I miss the cute things they do.
I miss the cute faces they make.
I miss the smiles.
I miss the laughter.
And it sucks...
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Until God gives me a little dose of reality. And that is exactly what he's been doing.
I have run across several blogs of parents who have lost their children.
That reminds me how lucky I am that they are alive.
I know a few people personally who are facing divorce.
That reminds me to be thankful for my relationship.
I know some people who have been unable (for whatever reason) to provide for their family.
And that reminds me to be grateful for my employment.
So instead of focusing everyday on what I'm missing with the boys, I am making the most of what time I do have with them. This afternoon Josh & I took the boys to the pool. The boys had so much fun, and we so enjoyed watching them explore and play. As I sat in the warm water watching Jack throw a ball & retrieve it, I couldn't help but think how tiny he once was. I can't believe this clever little boy came from me. I can't believe that I get to be his mom. Working or not, I am a very lucky mama.
I am not only lucky to have sweet twin sons, but also women who LOVE them. And I mean LOVE.
My mom, Nanny, has had the boys twice a week since they were five months old,
and she enjoys it more than anything.
Josh's mom, Grandma, comes to our house three times a week to watch the boys.
She does my dishes & laundry, and she loves those boys like a garden loves rain.
It may be hard for me to leave the boys, but they are fine.
They are overjoyed to be cared for by these women who love them so completely.
Selfishly, of course I wish it was me, but God is teaching me to share.
He is stretching me.
You can see clearly why I wouldn't want to leave though...
They are just so precious.
And they are so funny. Last week Jack decided he wanted to set up his blanket & all his stuffed animals in the laundry room (on the cold, hard tile) and he somehow convinced Logan to go with him. So they snuggled contentedly with their heads up against the pantry door.
The other day we were eating breakfast together, which they still love, and on the Cheerios box it looks like there are actual Cheerios stuck all over the box, and Jack said, "Mommy, cereal on box... That's funny!"
And last night at bed time Jack told Logan he was going to call Gustav "Goosie" and Logan yelled, "No! GUSTAV! gusTAV! Jack!" Then this morning Jack said he wanted to go outside and Logan told him "Ask Grandma, Jack." And on the way to the pool Jack said, "I like the pool," to which Logan replied, "I like the pool, too."
The one good thing about leaving them?
They are so happy to snuggle with me when I get home.
And it melts me.
