An anonymous follower left this comment on my "Josh" post:
"please stop crying in front of the kids...I'm sorry but you need to be stronger in front of them. This is such an exciting time for the entire family. No one has died, no one is sick....you have soooooo much to look forward to."
I appreciate the concern for kids, I do. However, I disagree. I think it's healthy for my boys to see me miss their Daddy & cry. It's not like I'm crying all the time, or have become emotionally unavailable to them. In addition to seeing me sad, they also see me excited, like yesterday when we received a package from him full of "Alaska" gear for us. They see me happy when we talk about the "Alaska House" (as they call it) being done and being "together as a family" again. They had seen me cry before Josh left, and this is no different. Mommy has feelings, and my boys know that.
I recommend checking out my other blog, particularly this post, if you are worried I have lost perspective. I assure you that I have not. There are good days & bad days. There are days when I miss Josh so much I ache for his arms around me, and other days where I am just anxious to get there & join him on this journey. The boys are adjusting quite well to such a huge change, and I promise, I have lots of people close to me watching for signs of distress, anxiety, depression or any other mental health issues that could arise from a life change such as this. I've got those boys as my top priority, which is why I feel it is important to feel my feelings as they come and not let them bottle up & overtake me.
(And if I can toot my own horn- I do have a bachelors degree in psychology with a minor in human development- so don't worry too much about those kids- I have some idea what I'm doing!)
15 comments:
Well said. Everyone's entitled to their opinion, but no one knows your kids like you do.
Also, everyone handles separation and stress differently, you've always dealt with your emotions through tears and writing it down. It's how you vent and it's what works for you!
Here's a positive anonymous post for you! ;) I have been following your blog for sometime and your blog has given me great strength in many areas! I unfortunately do not have any living (lost a pregnancy not to long ago @ 12wks) children..yet! It seems like I should be envious because you have 3 beautiful children but not at all... what I appreciate most about your blogs is you as sooooo "grateful" for the life you have and it truly gives me strength with my struggles to have a family! Many women do not truly know how fortunate they are... but you show it in every blog you post! Thank you! <3
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I am going to agree with Roxanne :) Not that you need anyone to agree or disagree with you, just sayin' ;)
How about if you don't have anything nice to say don't say it, or if you feel the need to make your comments known at least have testicular fortitude to leave your name.
Ps: Anonymous (above) .... Is NOT the same anonymous that thinks you shouldn't shed tears! Just saying... :)
Thanks for the laugh, Josh! You seriously rock! I personally feel it's better to suppress your emotions and not feel anything until you have a complete emotional breakdown at the smallest thing or better yet eat (or some other equally unhealthy way to self medicate) your emotions. Just a couple of ideas for you ;)
I think this is a great post. I had a new born and a toddler when my husband went to work out bush for 2 years off and on. Some days were good, some days were ok and some days were black. I think its great you have this blog to capture your thoughts. I wish I had had one.
PS. Anon comments are bs becasue If yuo want to say something you should own up to it just like in real life.
Hi Shelly,
I am one of your anonymous followers, although I know better then to think your kids shouldn't see you cry. As you know, I HAVE had a very sick baby born at the beginning of May, and some of my best comfort has come from my 3 year old little boy in the midst of a crying meltdown. There is nothing wrong with boys seeing there moms (and dads for that matter) cry, especially when they see their parent pick back up, handle it in a healthy way, and move on with the day. As the mom of a 3 month old infant who was born incredibly sick, I also feel that I have 'sooooo much to look forward to,' but that doesn't mean I didn't shed my share fair of tears in fear, pain, and anger in front of family, doctors, and my 3 year old. I don't think anyone who knows you, or follows you regularly, would question that you aren't doing right by those boys!
You're doing great! Melissa
Agreed. I think that wasn't necessary for anonymous follower to leave a comment something like that. I agree with you Shelly all the way. I think crying in front of the kids is healthy and it's not a bad thing. I cried in front of my son Gustav many times and he comforts me. Gustav showed another side of him (sweet side). Don't worry about them. You're doing an awesome job. Keep it up!! :)
Isn't that the point of blogs? You can share your real emotions with other adults, hopefully taking enough edge off that you can still be your wonderful mommy self. I don't know how anyone could read your blog and not be impressed by your strength- I'm pretty sure I'd have broken within three days of my husband leaving.
Oh goodness!
I think it's good our children see us as normal and that it's okay to cry.
I've cried a lot in the past week in front of my 3 year old (since my Mom's diagnosis)
And it gives me a great opportunity to talk with him about feelings, emotions and what is going on.
I would be a MESS all the time if my hubby moved away and I couldn't go with him yet. You can vent here any time...it's YOUR blog!!!!
Hugs!
It sounds like you are doing an amazing job with your boys! I wonder if the person who wrote that comment ever thought about how it would effect your boys if you acted indifferent to the fact that Josh wasn't there. I feel that that would be so much more damaging. You are the biggest and best example to the boys of how to work through emotions and dealing with whatever life throws at you. Praying for you!
My sweet Shelly,
Opinions are like a****s everyone has one. I love Josh's post, very cleanly put...lol
I too believe that children, especially boys, need to see true and raw emotion, how else are they going to learn....from TV...lol.
Love to you all
I have totally shed some tears in front of my girls before. Lily is the one who gets emotional for me. But, I just picked myself back up and told her that Mommy was a little sad and that it's okay to be sad sometimes when you miss daddy. Most of the time now I get teary eyed over silly things like shows I watch haha. I feel like the more kids you have, the more weapy your eyes get lol. I hope that you are all doing well and that the time is going by fast! Wyatt is so his own little person and just continues to get cuter and cuter! Stay positive and keep up all the fun things to help the time go by!
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