around here: week 36 2020

"It is a serious thing 

just to be alive

on this fresh morning

in this broken world."

-Mary Oliver

Giving up... Grey's Anatomy as I found myself pondering whether it's a good show for me to watch given my health anxiety.  I love the show... but I love my sanity more. So for now, I am shelving it. I am going to rewatch all of When Calls the Heart so that I can watch Seasons 6 & 7, which are new to me!

Reading... Gifts of Imperfect Parenting, The Perfect Couple and Forget Me Not.  The Gifts of Imperfect Parenting was a good read, but the Power of Vulnerability was better.  The Perfect Couple has been a great Hilderbrand summer read (of course!) and Forget Me Not I read in one day! It was a super good YA that I enjoyed. 

Cultivating... art in the kids, per Brene Brown's advice.  Trying to let them paint and draw (despite the mess!) to their little heart's content! 

Loving... the boys playing Brawlhalla together on the PS4. There was so much laughter coming from that room. Mama heart full. 

Suffering... bad anxiety.  Thankfully my sister helped me through, encouraging me to call my doctor to increase my Prozac and get a refill of my as-needed meds. (I take Ativan) The doctor approved both (thank goodness!) and I was able to start them right away. I am proud of how quickly I respond to my mental health needs now. Years ago (when we lived in Alaska) it would take me a long time to acknowledge how bad things were or that I needed help.  Now I am much more likely to reach out and to try things to get better faster. 

Scheduling... Josh's vasectomy for the beginning of November. My IUD will hit Year #5 in February and need to come out, so we are going for the permanence of a vasectomy. In some ways it's hard to believe my baby-bearing days are over, but in other ways, I am loving this stage of life so much, I can't imagine it any other way. So I feel confident that we are done and that this is the right choice. Thanks for taking one for the team, Josh!

Picking... flowers from our yard with Carly and feeling blown away by the variety of color and beauty we have grown in this yard in only one year. I can't wait to see what next year holds!!

Doing... load after load of laundry.  Whooo! Getting the boys to do their own laundry is definitely up next on the list of things to teach them. They throw their own loads in occasionally, but rarely switch it and don't know exactly how to put in soap and start it up. I think that will be one of my fall goals. 

Packing... for Vancouver and feeling blown away by how much the kids are able to help now compared to years past. Even Carly can go run little errands and grab things for me as I'm packing. It's basically awesome. 

Grateful... that Samuel showed up to help load the car and drive us to Othello to meet Josh after work, and that our subsequent drive to Vancouver was so smooth and fast.  We only stopped once for dinner and to use the bathroom (the same stop!) and we were back on the road so quick!! We did, however notice lots of smoke throughout the gorge from fires in and around Washington and Oregon. Made the sun look super orange.

Enjoying... a day to myself while Josh took the kids to play with their cousins at his sister's house. I spent some time visiting with my parents; journaling and reading.  It was really good to take some time to write, spilling all my feelings onto those pages and catching up.  The quiet time does wonders for my anxiety.  I also made some lists of how I want the fall to look, for both myself and the kids, and I feel a lot more prepared for what's to come. 

Thankful... that my mom took Logan for some one on one time to the Nike Outlet and out for dinner at Red Lobster (and even bought me shoes!!) and that the rest of us had fun while they were gone. Dallas and Bri stopped by, spoiling us with art supplies for the boys and a new sequin stuffed animal for Carly; and Isaiah stopped by with a surprise gift for Wyatt- he gave him his old xbox! Wyatt was literally speechless! It was so sweet!

Comforting... Carly as she was sad that I'm still reading the boys their chapter book. (Josh and I take turns putting Carly to bed and putting the boys to bed.  Right now he is putting Carly to bed and I am putting the boys to bed after I read to them from our readaloud chapter book- The Insignificant Events in the Life of a Cactus) We are really enjoying the book, but I will be glad when it's my turn to sing Carly to sleep again. She's such a sweetheart. 

***

"She was powerful,

not because she wasn't scared,

but because she went on so strongly

despite the fear."

-Harper Lee

***