Family Pictures

I realize I never shared these pictures from the summer before last. We took them in August, just before Josh left for Alaska.  I was a few months pregnant with Carly, but didn't know yet what I was having. I love them so much.  One last "hurrah" as a Boy Mom. Although to be honest, now I can't wait until Carly is a little bigger to do more with the amazing Eryn Kesler.  :)

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I Just Need The Beach

Tonight life and "adulting" has got me down.  I am overwhelmed about our move, our finances and our future...  Some days I handle all the change really well, and other days I feel like there's a lump in my throat and tears pricking at my eyes all day.  Today was one of those days.  

But I carry on.  I make the calls, I pay the bills, I face the dragons...  But after doing all that crappy grown up stuff, I need a little pick me up.  So I came here, to my sweet little blog where our family life began (back here if you're new) to look at (and share) some happy pictures.

Today's memories are of a day trip to the beach to see my grandparents.

Now if that sweet picture, so full of love, doesn't make you happier, I don't know what will...

Except maybe big boys with even bigger ice cream cones!

I love my grandpa.  Having a ice cream with my boys.

After visiting with my grandparents, and having the obligatory ice cream, we headed out to the Bar View Jetty.  I nursed the baby for a while in the car and Josh let the boys explore.

When I finished feeding sister, we joined them.

This picture of my beautiful family has me feeling much better already tonight.  I am so blessed.  My problems are first world problems.  It's important to keep that in mind.  A little perspective does a girl good.

These guys, and that little girl... they're my life.  

And they're worth all the inconveniences of long phone calls & stressful days.

The Sun Will Rise

I've been needing a little inspiration to help me feel hopeful about the future.  Inspiration for me comes in two sources generally-- good quotes & good music.  This week it's been my current favorite album, a collection of lullabies, by JJ Heller.

This song reminds me that dawn follows darkness.  Right now I am in a good place-- I am feeling so grateful for Josh and for our boys... but when it comes to our future, I am at a loss.  Are we going to have another baby?  What will those details look like?  Is it worth the risk?   What do I want for our family?  What does God want for our family?  

The simple answer is, "I don't know."  And the more complicated answer is one that mixes in all the details of where we live, what health care looks like, and fears & concerns I have after suffering two miscarriages (one alone in Anchorage & one here in the village).  

There is no easy answer.

Some days I feel like diving into trying for another baby, regardless of the circumstances.  Other days I am paralyzed with fear at the thought of discovering another broken heart in my uterus.  If you think of us in the coming days, weeks & months, will you lift up a prayer on our behalf?  Right now I'm just praying for God's will because I don't know the right thing.  So I'm praying He makes His will clear to me.

Meanwhile, I am listening daily to this song and loving the peace it gives me about the future.

When the lights turn down, and the whole world dreams
And it's your turn now, close your eyes and sleep.
Sometimes it feels like forever, when it's dark outside...
Baby the sun will rise.  
Baby the sun will rise, however long the night.

If you lose your way, and your heart is torn.
May my love seem loud, louder than a thunderstorm.
Sometimes it feels like forever, when it's dark outside...
Baby the sun will rise.
Baby the sun will rise, however long the night. 

And when you feel afraid, and you see shadows on the wall
Wherever there is love, there is no fear at all.
Baby the sun will rise.
Baby the sun will rise, however long the night.
Sometimes it feels like forever, when it's dark outside...
Baby the sun will rise.
Baby the sun will rise, however long the night.

JJ Heller
{I Dream of You album}

(Youtube video of The Sun Will Rise)

Skip to 6:40 on the video