10.29.2014

#4

What this post was going to say:


Instead it says this:

On Monday afternoon I caught a flight out of the village, headed for Anchorage where on Tuesday morning I would attend prenatal orientation, followed by my first prenatal appointment.  After a long day spent traveling, I fell into bed at 1:30am, anxious for the following morning.

I awoke Tuesday nervous for navigating the city and finding where I was going in the large Anchorage Providence complex.  I gave myself plenty of time and spent my first hour in a rundown of pregnancy in Alaska with nurse Anne.

After this hour, I finally got to meet with Lyn, my Certified Nurse Midwife, who was going to do an exam, as well as an internal ultrasound.  I was so excited to confirm that it was just one bambino in there.  But as I lay on the table and she inserted the wand, her face looked concerned.  Then worried. Then just sad.  

She couldn't find a heartbeat. And instead of measuring 10 weeks 1 day, the baby was measuring 9 weeks 1 day.  It wasn't looking good.  She sent me from her office to Advanced Sonograms of Alaska to confirm what she suspected.  

***


Turns out she was right.
My baby's heart was broken.
And now mine is too.

***

More to come...

22 comments:

Marilynn Raatz said...

Mine too sweetheart! I'm so sorry and sad you are going through this. My love and prayers are with you.

Olivia said...

I am so very sorry for your loss. I know we don't "know" each other, but I am now living in Anchorage and I would be happy to help you in any way you need-- rides, shopping help, whatever you might need.

The Pedersens said...

Oh Shelly I am so sorry!

Mama D said...

Longtime lurker. So very sorry, Shelly...praying for you all.

heather@it'stwinsanity said...

I'm so sorry! Praying for you, Shelly.

Amanda said...

So very sad for your loss.

Tabitha Studer said...

Shelly, I am so very sorry for your loss. I was actually just thinking of you yesterday afternoon and wondering how things were going. If there is some way I can be supportive (listen?) please say. In the meantime, know that I am thinking about you and all your boys and sending love and prayers to you all the way from PA. xxoxo

Alyson Steiner said...

I'm so very sorry. I kmow the pain of losing a baby you wanted so much. There are no words that seem 'right' to say...but please know that I am praying for you, for Josh, and the boys. My heart breaks with yours.

Anonymous said...

Heartbroken for you! Praying for you and your sweet family!

Anonymous said...

I'm so sorry. I will be praying for you. =(

❤ Sari ❤ said...

Oh Shelly, I'm so sorry! :(

Bad Rebecca said...

I am so very, very sorry for your loss. Sending prayers.

Anonymous said...

I'm so sorry. :( Thinking of you. Please take care of yourself and be kind to yourself. Prayers for your family and all of your babies, on earth and the wee one in heaven.

Brenda Christina said...

Shelly, I just read this, I'm sorry. I am always here for you should you ever feel the need and the want. Sending you showers of Love and Comfort sweetheart.

W Bryant said...

I didn't see yesterday's post so today I saw the letter first, and then read about the Anchorage visit after that... my heart felt like it dropped out of my chest. I am so so sorry. It's all I can say because there simply aren't any "right" words to say. Just know my heart goes out to you and your family at this time, as well as my thoughts and prayers. And so many people like me that do not know you personally but are following your blog are doing the same thing - so in addition to your wonderful husband, family, and friends being there for you as your main support system, you also have us strangers "behind the screens" lifting you up to the Lord in prayer as well.

kristin hartwig said...

Shelly, I'm giving you a hug right now. I hope knowing that we're all here for you, even those of us you've never met, can give you at least a little comfort.

Kimberly said...

So sorry Shelly. I've been where you are and know how much it hurts.

Angela said...

Sending you a big hug. I am so sorry.

Katie (Your New Jersey Fan) said...

Oh, my heart is breaking for you. I wish there was something that could be done, something that could be said to help take the hurt and sadness away. Instead, I'll say an extra prayer for your sweet angel in heaven and send a warm hug from across the country.

Anonymous said...

I am so sorry for you.
I know it does not make you feel any better to know but I, too, lost a baby due in May on Monday.
Take care of youself.

Cindy said...

I am so very sorry, my "kids" are now in your age range. It took us awhile to get to that point. We lost our first baby, our son, at 21 1/2 weeks, 2 days before Christmas in 1980. I have had 5 miscarriages. We were blessed with 3 healthy babies. Time heals but you are far from alone in your grief. Do not be afraid to talk about this, thank you for your post.

Anonymous said...

I am so very sorry for your loss, Shelly. Will be praying for you and your family.

Vicki D.