{July 18-24th}
Enduring... lots of wildfire smoke and feeling really grateful for our central air conditioning, our house and just the life we have. I am so grateful we moved into this newer (bigger) house that is safer for Wyatt's lungs and I am grateful that we have all the space we do here to live and be in when it's not safe for us to go outside. Just feeling really blessed.
Watching... my sister's little girls while she and my mom took her boys (and Wyatt!) to the waterpark. We didn't get water park passes this year because we weren't sure if it would be open this summer, so Wyatt was thrilled to get to go with his cousins, and I was happy to help my sister out and give her a little time with just her big boys. Romy was so well behaved and played perfectly with Carly, which was such a blessing. And even Lulu, six months old, was amazing. She ate and slept for me, and was so happy. It's so strange to have a baby and not be able to nurse her for comfort (hah!). I think using myself as a binky is how I survived Carly and Wyatt's infancies. Thankfully Lulu seemed 100% comfortable around me and I adore her, so it was great.
Attending... a pool party at my besties with our other friend. The three of us floated around and visited and they listened as I lamented the stresses in my life. I mean, is there anything better than crying to your girlfriends when you're upset? They're so validating and understanding. We really are all in this together, ladies.
A few take aways from the evening: I need to honor "little Shelly" and know that she needs acceptance and acknowledgment. She (and I) want to feel chosen, like we matter, like we are worthy of attention and effort. I think just acknowledging that my inner child exists and has feelings was a huge step forward for me. (If this all sounds crazy, I highly suggest listening to The Adult Chair podcast. Michelle does a great job of explaining the idea of our child selves and our adolescent selves. It's helped me immensely with self acceptance and working through feelings.)
Knowing... that marriage is not easy, but wishing regardless that it was. I know it's worth the effort, but I hate hitting a low after a high. I hate feeling disconnected after feeling connected. The roller coaster of life is just a bit much for me sometimes.
Driving... Wyatt (ironically) to the pulmonologist in Spokane through terrible wildfire smoke. I hated to take him out in it, but he hasn't seen his pulmonologist in almost two years and with his imminent return to school, I felt like it was important that we see her in person before fall. His lungs are doing well, he seems to be on a really good road (occasional nebulizer treatments with albuterol and budesonide, but no need for oral steroids) and overall we are really happy with where he's at.
Loving... the pictures and game accounts I got of Josh and the twins when they attended a Mariner's Game thanks to my sister snagging them free tickets from a friend online. Baseball is Josh's favorite sport, and Josh is a huge Mariner's fan, so to take Logan and Jack to a game felt really special. Thanks, Roxanne!!
Watching... House of Cards and wondering how close (or far off) it is from the reality of politics in America. I can't decide if I think it is like that or not.
Shocked... when my sister got another baby! He's just a delicious, sweet tempered thing, but I had to tease her that she's doing it all wrong. Josh and I always said we did it right, having twins first; then two more kids. My sister had three kids, then got one baby, then another. That is WAY harder, we think, than having twins the first go round. She's amazing and her heart is HUGE and she constantly is teaching me that love is the answer.
Finding... my heart necklace and rejoicing! It's been missing for over two weeks (maybe even longer?) and I have looked EVERYWHERE. Josh joked that if I can't find it, it's gone forever. (In our house, I am the one who knows where EVERYTHING is at ALL TIMES. So if I didn't know where my necklace was... we figured it was a goner!) But I found it when the chain slipped between shelves on the cabinet behind the downstairs toilet and I could see it hanging behind the stacked hand towels. I was so overjoyed. I love that necklace and the four kids it represents. I am so so so happy to have found it!
Driving... to Vancouver for a small group get together and hitting up Barnes & Noble first. I got three books- Obsessed, Everyone In This Room Will Someday Be Dead and World of Wonders. Obsessed is a non-fiction YA novel about OCD, which fascinates me; and Everyone In This Room Will Someday Be Dead is one I just picked up off the shelf. The main character is a queer atheist who can't stop thinking about death (I relate) and ends up in a job at a church she didn't apply for. I can't wait to read it. The other book I got is World of Wonders at the recommendation of Sherry -on instagram at @Franklineavenue5
World of Wonders is a collection of poems, and I've read the first few pages and am inspired and blown away by the writing. It makes me want to write about the world around me, that's for sure.
It felt so good to peruse the aisles of B &N (did you know we don't have a bookstore in my town?!?) and just breathe in all the bookishness.
Listening.... to The Great Pretender on the drive to Vancouver and being fascinated with the idea of crazy people and psychology and mental disorders. Highly recommend. It's her second book (her first was Brain on Fire, which was turned into a Netflix movie was also great) and reminded me of No One Cares About Crazy People, which I also listened to on audio.
Reuniting... with my small group girls. We grew up in the church together, and in junior high and high school we were part of a small group bible study that met weekly on Mondays. Those girls have been by my side through thick and thin, and though I have left the church, our bond remains and I know they love me where I'm at. It was so good to catch up, to hear about our collective 13 kids growing up, and to see their beautiful faces in person for a few hours. Maggie had to leave a bit early for a camping trip, but Emily, Katie and I went out for pizza and ice cream, and afterwards I slept over at Katie's house. (My drive was the longest- 5+ hours- so she offered to let me stay the night and do the second leg of my journey the next day. So grateful!)
It was so sweet to see her with her husband, in their beautiful house, with their three adorable children, and to catch a glimpse of her everyday. It made me smile to see her so happy, so in love, and surrounded by goodness. Filled my heart for sure.
Growing... our garden like crazy!! I cannot believe how gorgeous and lush it is. My favorite part is the watermelon vines trailing down the side of the planters like a waterfall. And the plant I am most excited for is our tomatoes! Fresh garden tomatoes are just a summer highlight for me. Yum!
Thinking... of my sweet ex-student who passed away a year ago this week. Oh how special Phoenix was to me. While reminiscing him and his beautiful life, I went through my old journals and found some pictures from him and some notes he had written me. Oh how I pray he is at peace.
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| I found a list of baby names I loved before we ever got pregnant. |
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