Big Brothers With a New Little Sister

A friend of ours sent a letter, asking the boys what they thought Wyatt should know about being a big brother and what they thought Carly ought to know about earth.

38 Week Photo
Courtesy of Jack Sawyer

These are their answers:

Jack:
What does Wyatt need to know about being a big brother?
Wyatt should not be rude.  And he should learn how to read.

What does Carly need to know about life on earth?
Earth is a good place.  And that there is no monster under the bed.

I can't wait to hold her and play with her.

***

Logan:
What does Wyatt need to know about being a big brother?
Wyatt should be responsible.  Wyatt should learn to read soon.

What does Carly need to know about life earth?
Earth is a very special place to be.
You have family & friends on earth.

I can't wait until I get to meet her.  I will teach her how to read.

***

A throwback photo of Wyatt cause I'm feeling sentimental

Wyatt:
Are you excited to finally be a big brother?
Yes, because sometimes I will get to be the boss.

***

Their answers cracked me up. Mostly the twins' answers, because I asked them separately, and they both said the same thing about learning to read. 

And Wyatt's answer cracked me up because, well, that's Wyatt!

Anchorage Trip: Part Three

Tuesday morning came way too quickly, and before we knew it, Julie and I were having to say goodbye.  We woke up super early so I could get my blood drawn, and then we went out to breakfast at IHOP.  It was so lovely to sip coffee and share one last meal with her.  We were both so sad that our time together was over.

After breakfast we drove to the airport, hugged about six times, tried not to cry and bid each other farewell.  I feel so lucky we got this surprise time together.  It makes us both so excited for the summer when we are reunited.

After waving goodbye to Julie, I was on my own.

Traversing Anchorage, getting to & from my appointments, and getting myself to the airport the next day.  

The night before Julie left I had been very nervous, but when the time came to do it on my own, I felt completely confident.  

I actually found myself enjoying driving, listening to the radio and running errands.  

I picked up prescriptions at Walmart, and did some last minute shopping for both items to ship home and things I'd need while traveling.

Then I went to the post office to ship my tote home to Marshall (full of goodies, including english muffins, bagels & raisin bread!) and ship a surprise to Julie to cheer her after our fun getaway came to a close.

I had lunch at Subway (I can't get enough of the lettuce & tomatoes!) and then I went to the dentist to get my teeth cleaned since they had an opening that afternoon.

Instead of feeling scared or nervous, I just felt kind of free.  Free to make my own choices, free to shop as long as I liked, free to choose what I wanted to eat... It was a bit lovely.

At the end of the day was my appointment with my counselor.  I was nervous because it was downtown and I wasn't sure how navigating would be in the dark, but I arrived on time and even found a place to park.

My meeting with my (new) counselor went really well.  We had talked on the phone three times since I found him after firing my original counselor, who believed my problems would be best solved by leaving Josh here and moving the boys and myself back to Vancouver.  

My new counselor believes I can get well.  He believes I can change my thinking, and find joy again.  He has encouraged me to use visualization as well as different breathing techniques to get through the worst of the anxiety.  

I love that I can call him anytime, and I love that he has hope for my future.  I am excited that I get to continue working with him (via the phone) while I am out in the village.  I feel so blessed that I found him.

After my appointment, I had considered going to the movies, which I didn't do while Julie was there, but I decided I was feeling spent. 

So instead I headed to Taco Bell, brought home some delicious tacos and rented a movie from my room.  It made for some nice down time.

It has been over six months since I went through a drive through.  Oh how I missed it! The simplicity of telling a box what you want, rolling up to the window, and having it handed to you! No cooking, no dishes... It was a dream!

***

At the end of a busy day on my own, I felt I had conquered the world!  I successfully faced so many of my fears.  I felt amazing.  It was a great way to wrap up my trip.

... one more post to come...

Saturday Night

 It's Saturday night. The kids are tucked in bed, I'm watching The DaVinci Code on TV while eating Julie's recipe for delicious oatmeal chocolate chip cookies and looking through pictures of my kids.

The one above is of a coloring sheet Logan colored for me when I was sick last week.  I love when the boys do thoughtful things like that.

 The last few days have been good. Not great, but good.  I am nearly well.  I finished my prednisone for the bronchitis and am hopeful that in a few days my cough will be gone altogether and then I can (finally!) quit taking my inhaler. Tomorrow marks three weeks since I was diagnosed with pneumonia and I'm tired of being sick!

I wish I trusted fully that I will get well. 

But my anxiety prevents me from fully believing I will heal.

I'm working on it!

One week from tonight I will be in Anchorage.

My mom is meeting me there for some much needed time together, and to escort me to my doctors' appointments.  I am anxious to get myself a primary care physician in Alaska.  I think it will ease a lot of my worries and make getting medical care easier as well. 

I am nervous to leave the kids. I hate that I need to. 

But if I'm being honest, I am very excited to see my mom and spend some time in civilization. 

 Shopping, eating out, going to the movies... 

 In the mean time, I am slowly finding my way back to myself.

Smiling more with this guy, laughing with the bigger guys, and enjoying date night with my best guy.

I am listening to music, lighting candles & finding joy in taking pictures again.  I am making beds, doing laundry & washing dishes.  I am talking on the phone, emailing and watching movies.   I am working everyday to get back to normal. And it feels really nice.

 I am hopeful that I will be well again emotionally. 

And I am excited to spend time with my boys again now that I am better physically.

 I am excited for New Years. 

We have Chinese food to make & yummy treats to eat. 

It's going to be great.  

I love the fresh-start-feeling of New Years.

I don't have any goals yet for the new year, but I think balance might be the word of 2014 for me.  Or maybe it will be trust. I need both more balance and more trust in my life.

 There are many habits I'd like to increase-- peaceful parenting, exercise, journaling, earlier bedtime... but I'm going to go easy on myself and just do what feels right each day.

I also hope to play more with my boys. 

It makes them so happy. 

And when I take the time to do it, it makes me so happy, too.  

Part of overcoming anxiety for me has meant staying in the moment. I am grateful I have these great boys to help me do that.  They continually pull me right back to the present.  Needing things, wanting attention and making me laugh.

They offer both great distraction and great comfort. 

Tomorrow Josh is hoping to go moose hunting, so I will get the boys all to myself.  I am hoping to play play-doh, write thank you notes for all our Christmas gifts, and read some Junie B to the twins.

It is finally my bedtime, so I am off to sleep.  

I pray tomorrow holds another good day for me.  

And that I get plenty of time with these little cherubs.

Lessons Learned

1.  Hard won successes taste sweeter than things that are easily achieved.

2. People are more likely to help you if you're polite.

3.  Cocoa just tastes better with whip cream.

4.  The best way to show your love is with your time.

5.  Everyone loves getting mail.

6. Going to sleep on clean sheets is worth the effort of changing them.

7. Writing is the best way for me to get clarity about a situation.

8. When you feel the most alone, God is there.

9. It's hard to change our ways, even if it will make our lives easier.

10. Listening to good music makes any chore better.

*

Today's Daily Gratitude:

My Dad

for working to support our family

& instilling in me a love for the outdoors

the best advice I ever got

Pass on some useful advice or information you learned and always remembered. 

Hold your baby as much as possible in the first four months.

I collected this little gem from Susan Crawford at my first baby shower.  

I was 26 weeks pregnant with the twins, and thought it was... odd.

Fast forward to their arrival, and I remember thinking about this strange piece of advice (why four months? why so specific?) all.the.time.  I can't tell you how many times I let laundry sit in the dryer, dishes sit in the sink, and cat poo sit in the litterbox because of this advice.  

As the weeks crept (and then flew) by, I continued following the interesting advice, holding one or the both of them every chance I got.  While I watched TV... While they slept... While I talked on the phone...

Then BAM! they were four months old, and her advice made complete sense.  They would wriggle and strain their necks to see what was going on around us.  They would fuss, push up off my chest and straighten their little chicken legs.

Four months is the mark.  

It's the age where they transition from newborn to baby, and it's a big one.  

Before four months, they are like a puddle of baby powder scented goodness.  Past four months, they are their own person, with a desire to see what they want to see and do what they want to do.

As much as I followed this advice (which I now pass on to every pregnant woman I know) with the twins, I followed it ten times more with Wyatt.  With the arrival of your second (or in my case third) child, experience proves just how fast time does fly that first year. 

Particularly that blurry, sleepless first half of the year.

 And so I'd like to thank Susan for knowing that she knew more than me. I would like to thank her for sharing the priceless truth that there is nothing like those first four months, with a warm, doughy baby asleep in your arms.

Thanks to her, I cherished every moment.