Around Here: Week 34 2020

{August 16-22}

 

Growing... our little kitty right up. She is getting so big, so orange, and somehow less fluffy.  Her tail is at least 3x as long as it used to be, and while that is still fluffy, the rest of her hair is much shorter than it used to be.  When we got her she was more of a "peaches and cream" color, but as she has gotten older, she just keeps getting darker.  Some of her stripes are super dark orange and so gorgeous.  She is getting really tall, too, and can even get herself up on the boys' bunk beds, which delights them!
She likes to nurse on our sherpa blanket when we hold her and it's my favorite. 

Reading... The Two Lives of Lydia Bird; The Power of Vulnerability; Men, Women and Worthiness; Fierce, Free and Full of Fire; and The Princess Bride.  Whew! Big reading week!! 
The two by Brene Brown (Vulnerability & Worthiness) were so incredible and eye opening. The Power of Vulnerability covered a lot on shame, and talked about how we live in a culture of scarcity.  We wake up in the morning saying, "I didn't get enough sleep" and go bed saying, "I didn't get enough done." That really resonated with me and I am determined to change that mindset within myself. No wonder I constantly feel like a failure if that is how I am waking up and going to sleep.

Meeting... with my book club girls on Zoom and discussing The Giver of Stars.  I gave the book three stars, and I liked it okay, but it was a slow book, and I felt that The Book Woman of Troublesome Creek (which was also about the PackHorse Library) was so much better.

Feeling... shame about my weight that is not helping me with my emotional eating. When I took that face mask selfie in the bathroom mirror (see above) I couldn't believe how large I was. sigh.
I am going to be working on some self love mantras so I can appreciate this body for all she does for me and work on loving her, not loathing her.

Suffering... terrible anxiety.  Fear, terror, shaking, heart pounding, crying.  It has been miserable.  Josh heading back to work might have something to do with it, but I think mostly it is from not having control of anything lately, namely the boys' school experiences. I mean, yes, I could choose to send them back to school full time, but I don't feel like that's a good option for us, so it really isn't something I feel is a real choice.
I used to feel like I could do anything, but lately I don't have that "Wonder Woman" attitude.  I need a cape!!

Sharing... my struggle with anxiety on Facebook and Instagram and getting so much love. I am so grateful for my social media village who cheer me on from the sidelines when life gets hard.  And in my real life, I am grateful for my sister who came to visit and brought me a (decaf) caramel frappacino, and my sister-in-law who dropped a bag of humongous chocolate chip M&M cookies at my door one morning. She said hilariously, "I can't help you feel better, but I can help you eat those feelings." Haha! She gets me. I love her.

Remembering... to #seethegood (my goal for 2020) and trying to just enjoy small moments.  Bedtime with Carly is probably the easiest time for me to do this.  We read books together, sing songs and snuggle.  But I am also trying to enjoy little moments of peace throughout the day- watching a praying mantis in the yard with the kids, swimming in the pool with them, eating our dinner out front, etc. Staying in those moments and cherishing them helps keep the anxiety at bay.

Trying... to turn my anxiety and fear into gratitude as Brene Brown suggests.  When I get that tremor of terror as a thought of fear enters my mind, I instead use that moment to list all the things I am grateful for.  Example: I am checking Carly before I go to bed, making sure she's under the covers, all cozy and I suddenly think, "What if I lost her?!?" 
Instead of "going there", I think, "I am just so grateful she is here. I love when she hugs me with her arms tight around my neck and kisses me over and over and over.  I love how she says, "Mama love" when we're snuggling. I am so grateful I didn't give up hope after my miscarriages."
I try to replace the fear with gratitude.
I am retraining my brain. 

Aiming... to read 11 books in August.  I have only four more to go.  I have that as my goal because then I will be at 76 books so far in 2020, leaving me with 24 to read in four months, which averages out to six books per month, which feels doable with doing the whole distance learning/homeschooling four kids thing. Wish me luck. I really, really, really want to hit my 100 books in 2020 goal. 

Surviving... lots of migraines this week.  Thank God for my medicine.  For reals.

Grateful... for Tuesday & Wednesday when half the kids (alternating) went to Grandma's house.  Those days are so calm here (with only two kids) and we all enjoy a very chill day.  I usually blog or watch Grey's Anatomy. 

Sending... the twins off to work for my friend Shana, helping her organize her garage.  They were so excited for their first job making money, and I was so proud of them. And I'll be honest, it was great for me because I had the entire house to myself for a few hours.  The peace and calm I felt in those hours were unmatched.  I took a nap and it was the best sleep I've gotten in months. (Thanks Carol! Thanks Shana!)

Happy... that Carly is wearing her pink glasses again. They are so cute I can't stand it.

Enjoying... a break from the boys on Saturday while Josh took them to the land.  When he told me he was going to take them, though, my first thought was, "I don't deserve him.  Why is he so good to me?" Luckily I knew those weren't accurate thoughts, so I pushed them away and enjoyed the day with my girl.  We painted our nails and snuggled on the couch.  We read books and had lunch together.  It was the best day, and a much needed day off from full-on parenting where I could reset my spirit.

Asking... Carly who she loves the most in the whole world and melting into a puddle when she answered me before I had even finished asking the question: "Uncle Samuel. Because he holds me and reads to me and hugs me and loves me." Gah. To be loved by that girl is to experience the world at its best.

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around here: week 13 2020

{March 22-28}

{Logan & Jack flashback :: Alaska 2012}

{flashback to Alaska & little Wyatt}

My friend Corbett shared this beautiful quote by Mary Oliver:

"it is a serious thing

just to be alive

on this fresh morning

in this broken world"

I loved how it reminded me that the world has always been imperfect, and every day that we wake up is hard in its own way.  It's just that now it's so obvious how imperfect and hard it is. 

Noticing... bits of spring popping up everywhere, and celebrating by decorating for spring and Easter in our home. I smile and breathe a little deeper every time I notice a bloom or blossom that wasn't there the day before on our walk or bike ride. A good reminder that all things come in time, and that everything comes to life again after the long, dark winter.

Kayaking... on the lake, just the six of us, and having the best time!  (This was before there was a "stay home/stay healthy" order and we didn't interact with anyone regardless.)  It felt SO good to get out of our living room and feel the wind on our faces.  I am so grateful we bought those kayaks.  That way, if this quarantine lasts through the summer, we could at least use them to get out on the water occasionally.

Waking... up at 5am during the week so I can be up before the kids for an hour or so (they get up at 6:30am) and bask in the glory of the silence.  I read and meditate and write in my journal, and it's just been a really great, peaceful way to start the day. 

Watching... Governor Inslee address the state with Josh, and feeling a little anxiety as he requested us to "Stay home, stay healthy" for the next two weeks.  It's silly that I feel anxious because we've been staying home for so many days already, but for some reason him saying we need to stay home made it feel really real, and I felt worried.  

Josh went grocery shopping one more time before the order was put in place (although we are allowed to leave our homes for walks, grocery runs or doctor appointments) just to put my mind at ease that we had everything we needed and wouldn't need to leave the house for anything immediately.  

Ramping... up the twins' independent reading with the promise of a second skateboard (bought off Uncle Samuel who no longer uses it) if they get some chapter books under their belts. I just LOVE walking into a room and seeing my kids curled up with a good book.  As a mother, nothing compares to the joy that brings me.

Entertaining... the kids with balloons, shaving cream, puzzles and play-doh.  All super cheap (they can be found at Dollar Tree, as a matter of fact!) and great for hours of play time.  The kids like to play "keep the balloon off the floor" or take a bunch on the trampoline.  With the shaving cream, they like to take baths and play with the shaving cream, making crazy hair styles or beards on themselves. Carly is just getting into puzzles, and the other three enjoy doing puzzles together, but only if I pull them out.  We have a USA puzzle and a space puzzle that we've kept for years.  Otherwise, we tend to just pick up whatever puzzles we can find at Dollar Tree until we lose a piece or two. Play doh has been fun for all of us to play, hanging around the kitchen table, making pretend treats for one another.  Jack made some sushi last time that was adorable.
We've also been playing the new game Josh ordered on Amazon called Beat That and the boys are loving it! It reminds me of a lot of the games they play on Minute to Win it, and can be played in a group or individually. I highly recommend it if you have 2nd grade through high school boys.  It's a highly competitive, super fun game that has lots of options (tossing balls into a cup; trying to pick up dice with chopsticks; etc.) that remind me of bottle flipping in its entertainment value.

Curling... my hair one morning just because.  The kids wanted to know where we were going.  (Spoiler alert: nowhere) And Carly told me my hair looked weird and wanted to know when it was going back to "normal". #thankskid

Feeling... my anxiety & panic rise for the first time since this whole thing came out as we got the call that someone was diagnosed with COVID-19 at our local high school.  (There's only one high school in our town.) For some reason that diagnosis made it feel real close to home and I suddenly realized just how close it is and how little there is I can do to protect us from it. 

That anxiety just continued rising as I got call after call canceling all upcoming appointments- orthodontist, dentist and pulmonologist.  Not to mention knowing that our spring break plans are canceled (We had hoped to visit my parents and grandparents in the Portland and Oregon coast areas) and we will be unable to celebrate my sister's birthday all together.  (It's on Wednesday this week.)

Playing... outside as much as possible every afternoon.  After our daily bike ride (which is just a little short of 3 miles) we come home and play in the front yard.  The boys play football or catch with Josh, and I blow bubbles with Carly or help her practice bike riding. It makes me so happy to be making these sweet family memories. 

Missing... our people quite desperately, especially the kids missing Grandma, whom they normally see on a weekly basis.  

Surviving... with laughter.  The memes going around are sometimes the only thing getting me through this.  I am trying to share all my favorites in my stories on Instagram and Facebook.  Between the memes and Carly's shenanigans, I find I am smiling at some point everyday.  Such a blessing. 

Ending... the week feeling anxious, tired & unmotivated.  Thursday & Friday were slow and painful.  I just wanted to lay on the couch and do a whole lot of nothing.

Trying... to look on the bright side (and "see the good") of this quarantine as my mood hit a low.  It has definitely helped with some of the anxiety two of the boys were having about different school-related things.  (Sorry to be vague.  As they get older, I am trying to respect their right to privacy.)  Quarantine has also allowed us to slow down and "linger" more, spending more time talking at meals, more time snuggling in the mornings and at bedtime, and more time together outside, making memories.  We are enjoying homeschooling, having fun reading history and doing science together, and Josh and I are loving the extra minutes we have to organize to get the house in order.  I'm making myself daily "to do" lists that include something each day that will stay done and it helps me feel accomplished each day, even if I don't get out of my pajamas or shower.

Watching... as the cats attempt to venture downstairs more often than they have since we got Grady.  It's exciting and I really hope that someday soon they will all live in peace together.  (It's been about three months currently since he came home.) Grady is super sweet and non aggressive, but the cats are over protective of their personal space and somewhat angry about our choice to get a dog. Hah!

Reading... The Bookshop on the Corner, which is the sweetest, most cozy quarantine read.  It's an easy storyline to follow with only a couple characters, but is written about Scotland and is a really sweet book.  Highly recommend.
The boys and I have begun listening to Saving Lucas Biggs by Marisa De los Santos on audio for our evening read while we work on Wyatt's wolf diamond dot art together.  It's been really fun and we're making crazy good progress on the wolf poster.

Loving... Wyatt's acrostic poem he wrote with his name at school.  I love what he thinks of himself.

W ise
Y oung
A wesome
T errific
T echnical skills

Making... no bake cookies with my grandma's recipe one afternoon for snack.  They were a BIG hit with the whole family.  That's another bonus of this quarantine time.  I have time to do little special things like that when normally this time of year, I wouldn't. (We would normally have three kids on baseball teams and life would be hec.tic.!!!)

Adding... some online learning this week as the boys' assignments for their Chromebooks started rolling in.  We faced some challenges for sure, some technical and some attitude related.  But with help from Louis in the tech department and Dad (the Cunningham school principal) things got where they needed to be.
I also added an Emotions Unit this week using this handbook and I am loving it. (It's called What To Do When You Worry Too Much) It's super simple, and has activities and discussions you can have with your kids as you go. There are multiple books in the series (about all different issues) and I think now is the perfect time to jump in, what with the world coming to a standstill and all.

Picking... up lunches daily from Wyatt's school for all four kids.  It's been a life saver when it comes to stretching our groceries and our budget. I am so grateful for those daily brown bags.

Jumping... on the crazy train during date night Friday and watching five episodes of Tiger King in a row while enjoying the delicious pizza Josh made.  If nothing else, it was worth watching Tiger King just so I could understand (and laugh hysterically) at all the memes.
In all seriousness, though, I told Josh that if Tiger King was a novel I was reading, I would put it down and tell my friends that there was just too much going on and that all of it together was completely unbelievable. It was like a train wreck- I just couldn't look away!!

Participating... in a lazy day Saturday, letting the kids do screens for hours while I blogged and read.  Then we went on a bike ride and later did movie night with pizza & cookies.  We watched the newer Karate Kid with Jaden Smith and my boys were all enthralled. (It was on Netflix- go watch it! Super cute!)
After movie night, it was Logan's special night, so he got to walk Grady and stay up late with Josh and me.  He was thrilled.  Next week is Jack's turn.

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