Week 12 Around Here {2019}

Getting... outside! Finally! Hooray!  The temperatures have risen, the snow has (mostly) melted, and we have started walking to school again. It is the best!  Carly keeps telling everyone, "Me and Wyatt are just so glad the snow is melted!" Haha! You and everyone else, girl!!!
I myself was walking back into the garage one afternoon this week and took a deep breath of the fresh, warmer air and thought, "We made it through the long, dark winter," which sounds dramatic, to be sure, but which felt authentic in the moment.  There were times (like last Tuesday when they called yet another snow day) when I wondered, truly, if winter would ever be over.
Josh is equally thrilled with the change in weather and has been outside playing catch with the boys everyday after school.  My heart bursts with love for him when I see him being the dad I always imagined when we were dating, throwing the ball to our boys, shouting encouragement to them... I am sometimes in disbelief that we have three growing sons, all such spitting images of him.
{Swoon}

Dealing... with lots of mud along with that melted snow.  But honestly, I can't be too annoyed.  If muddy shoes and a dirty floor means the kids are playing outside, I will deal with it!

Reading... and finishing Down Came The Rain and The Lost Man, and starting Becoming (on audio) and No Exit, which I got from Book of the Month.  It sucked me in from page 1!

Looking... back at pictures of baby Wyatt, and finding one of him nebulizing as a toddler. Oh, he was just so delicious! What I wouldn't give to go back in time for just one day!!

Excited... for baseball season for the boys.  Josh will be coaching the twins, and I'll be in charge of getting Wyatt to and from his team practices & games.  They are all three very excited and eagerly practicing everyday.  I am so proud of them!

Watching... the movie Lincoln for date night with Josh (and his brother Samuel who came for the amazing pizza... seriously, Josh's pizza is the real deal!) and being blown away by how good it was.  I told you last week I listened to Sally Field's book In Pieces, and in it, she talks about getting the role of Lincoln's wife in the movie, which made me want to see it (it came out in 2012).  I checked, and sure enough, it was on Netflix, so I decided we should watch it for date night.  Josh and I were captivated.  I felt like the ending was a bit rushed, but the rest of the movie was really fascinating and on point.

Loving... Josh for taking the boys four wheeling on Sunday at his parents' land.  They had so much fun (as evidenced by the amount of mud on their snow pants & coats) and I very much enjoyed the break.  I got to shower in peace while Carly watched PJ Masks, and then I got to go shopping with my friend Shana at a resale event here in town. I found TONS of cute clothes for Carly for super cheap, including some cute swim suits so she can have a variety to choose from while we spend our entire summer at the pool.  (Have I mentioned I am over winter???)
I dropped Carly off at my in-law's land Thursday and whenever I am there, I just can't get over the wide open sky.  I took a picture Thursday morning, it was so gorgeous.

Hosting... some neighbor boys for a few hours Saturday and dying (!!!) when their little brother took off his boots to come in as well when his dad was dropping them off.  I told his dad that now he had to let him stay as well because I'm a giant softy, and we just couldn't tell him no. So he stayed as well, and he and Carly played SO well together. They melted my very heart!!

Finally... taking down the Valentine's decorations and putting up Easter ones.  I am normally never one to leave decorations up too long, but I just have not been motivated in the home decor category lately, as laundry alone seems to be filling my time, but February got away from me this time.

Walking... the kids to the park on Saturday after the neighbor boys left, and it was so nice to get out of the house for a while.  We walked, then played at the school playground, and walked home again.  It's a nice walk, nearly a mile each way, and it makes me so grateful for where we live.  After that we watched Zootopia for movie night and I made pizza & cookies for the kids.  It was a quiet evening, except for one brother's misbehavior and that was nice. (Parenting... it just doesn't take a vacation, does it?)

Praying... for my friend whose little brothers' funeral is coming up this weekend.  We grew up with Zach, from his toddlerhood, (he was the cutest baby!) and it's unbelievable that he is gone.  My heart is with you, Marquez family.  May God comfort you during this time.
Sidenote: if you're unsure what to do for someone who has lost somebody, Laura (who I follow on Instagram) always says "Just DO something", so following her advice, together with my friends, I ordered Emily a necklace that has Zach's name on it.  I wasn't sure it was the right thing to do, but it was something to let her know that I was thinking of her, and that I saw her pain.  This is where I got the necklace, and they were awesome to work with.

Thankful... that Carly has transitioned from her crib to her big girl bed (the bottom half of Wyatt's bunk bed) like a champ.  When I decided to transition, it was a quick, spur of the moment decision based on the fact that Josh's brother had a desk for us, and we needed to make room for it, which meant moving our desk into Wyatt & Carly's room (for Wyatt), which meant getting rid of the crib.
I felt confident about the decision, until I got home from an errand and saw the crib disassembled in the garage with her soft pink sheet still on the mattress.  Then I got all emotional about it.  I've had a baby in a crib in my house pretty consistently for nearly ten years.  Over a decade of having a child in a crib.  And POOF! Just like that, it's over. 
I am trying to embrace where our family is now, and not spend too much time looking back wistfully, but the ending of certain stages is always hard for me.

Inspired... by how much our Orthodontist loves his job.  The twins got braces this week, and they got to put on each other's brackets (!!!) with the help of Dr. Feller.  It was hilarious and amazing!  They did a great job, and I was so proud!!
They look so handsome and grown up with their braces on, I can hardly stand it.  This first phase will last a year and we will go from there.  For now, they are pretty sore and not eating near as much as usual, poor guys! But Josh and I have assured them that their teeth will adjust and soon having braces will feel normal.
In about two weeks (after the spacers have time to work) they will get wires on the top braces as well, and then they will be sore all over again... but I haven't told them that.  No need to further dampen their spirits!

Buying... new lamps for our new bedside tables and LOVING them! They are super cute but (stage whisper:) they're just from Walmart!
I also bought some spring flowers to plant along our white picket fence- daffodils, tulips, and hyacinths. I can't wait to add some color to our yard after months of white & grey!

Receiving... a care package from my grandma this week that felt like a warm hug.  She sent me two scarves, a bunch of notepads and a puzzle from some of her friends for the kids and I to do over spring break.  She also sent the cutest quilt with flowers & polka dots for Carly that she got from an auction. I love it!

This made me laugh:

#truth

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And I loved this reminder:

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Around Here: Week 21 {2018}

Raising... kids, and all that entails.  Currently for me, it means Carly waking up earlier than usual, which isn't great because I teach three times a week in the early hours of the morning.  It means being grateful that Wyatt is well, which hasn't been the norm for the last two months, and searching for an allergy doctor who can get him in sooner than the end of August (which feels like a lifetime away!) because we think seasonal allergies are currently playing a role in his asthma exacerbation and some testing would show us how to best help him. It means taking care of Jack 24/7 the last few days as he was down Sunday through Wednesday this week with a nasty fever and sinus infection that would not let up.  He was truly miserable, poor guy.  And lastly, it means walking Logan through two seizures this week (one at home and one at school); calling the neurologists office to check in because of the increase in seizure activity; and figuring out his new prescription increase with the pharmacy & insurance.  Luckily he has an aura headache before the seizures start, so he was able (on Sunday) to ride home before it struck, and in class (on Monday) he was able to sit down in his seat before it started.  They are also very short seizures, so that's great, but they tend to leave him with a headache as well, so that's a bummer.  But the good news is that we are up to 75mg now and 100mg is the current goal, so we're getting closer to his dose.  Slowly but surely.

Living... that baseball LIFE!  The boys had games Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday this week.  It was crazy!  The hardest part is what to make for dinner.  This week we had nachos, grilled cheese, chicken wraps & hot dogs.  Not the healthiest, but at least we didn't eat out! With Jack sick, I stayed home Monday & Tuesday, but the whole family packed up and went out Wednesday & Thursday cheering on the brothers.  The twins game was canceled for thunder mid-way through on Wednesday, but Wyatt's game finished in the hot, hot sun Thursday night.  I am just so proud of how far those three little boys have come since their first seasons in Vancouver back in 2015!

Learning... flexibility.  I've been thinking a lot about what I'm gaining from having two kids with serious medical/health issues and one of the main things I think God is teaching me is flexibility. There was a time when I would buck (very hard!) against plans changing or things not going as I had envisioned them, and while I sometimes still struggle, I am definitely more able to change ideas in my head and go with the flow than I used to be. For instance, I had pictured our week with all of us at all the baseball games, but with Jack sick, instead I was home with him and Carly half the week.  I was proud of myself because I was able to embrace that extra time at home instead of being grumpy about what I couldn't control.  I gave Carly an extra long bath, got ahead on laundry and enjoyed a little quiet time with them.  It wasn't what I had planned, but that didn't mean I couldn't enjoy it. Progress, my friends!

Loving... the new windows Josh installed last weekend.  He has now installed new windows in the entire house with only one window remaining (in the garage) that he plans to do this weekend. They look amazing and you can really tell a difference in how hot and cold the house stays in the different seasons. The new ones are in the boys' room and the office.  They look fantastic!!!

Being... that mom who drives to school after letting Wyatt & Logan ride their bikes to school to see if they made it safely. Ha! I drove them Monday & Tuesday, but by Wednesday they had wore me down and I said yes, they could ride without Jack, who was still home sick.  So about ten minutes later I went and checked the bike rack to make sure their bikes & helmets were there. #noshame
I hate to admit that I rely on Jack as much as I do, but the fact is, he's the healthy one.  He doesn't have seizures or asthma, and he's super responsible.  So when the three of them ride together, I don't worry.

Enjoying... book club with my girls.  Man do I love that time out each month, talking mom life with them.  They make me feel sane and I always get a good laugh.  It's so good for my soul.

Attending... the last MOPS meeting of the year.  My MOPS group has been so amazing and supportive and I am so grateful for the friendships I have made there.  It's been a really hard year for me with Logan's seizures changing and Wyatt's hospitalization and asthma diagnosis, and those ladies have been there for me, praying for me, and lifting me up when I need them most.  I am sad the year is over, but I know that our friendships will last a lifetime.

Working... in the yard!  It feels amazing to actually work in the yard with a two year old! But now that the fence is done, Carly is stuck in the yard with me (no escaping into the street!) and I can get so much done! I weeded the front flower beds, moved some old pavers we no longer wanted (uncovering some super cool ant tunnels) and planted some pretty sage bushes our neighbor gave us.  I felt so accomplished when I was done!  I love thinking of how much I am going to be able to accomplish this summer now that I have the gate to help me keep Carly safe while I work!

Sharing... with my counselor about my road to acceptance.  He said on the very first day we met that the most important thing I could do for my anxiety (and my life) was accept things as they are.  Namely, he was speaking to Wyatt's asthma and Logan's epilepsy.  If I can accept that these things exist in my life, then I can start to manage them in my life, and stop trying to control them.
There's a big difference, he says, between managing and controlling.  I can manage my anxiety, I can manage Wyatt's asthma, I can manage Logan's epilepsy.  I cannot control my anxiety or Wyatt's asthma or Logan's epilepsy.  It's a fine line, the difference between the two, but it's an important one. And the first step between the two is acceptance.
Acceptance came for me in a sudden decision to order the boys ID bracelets. Josh and I got new phone numbers a while back and the boys needed new ID bracelets because of that.  With the ID bracelets came the decision to put Logan & Wyatt's diagnosis on them.  ASTHMA. EPILEPSY.  There it was.  In black & white. No denying it now.
They came in the mail this week.  And I'm not going to lie. Opening them was hard.  Seeing those bands and handing them to our sweet boys was hard.  But also good.  It was the last step I needed in accepting that this is our life. 
The other thing I talked to my counselor about is how in the last two weeks I've really noticed gratitude cropping up in my thoughts.  When something is going wrong, I find that I am thinking, "at least..." For instance, on Monday when the car battery was dead I found myself thinking I was grateful this was the first time this had ever happened and "at least I know our neighbor Doug will come help me!" cause he's the best!  Finding things to be grateful for amidst less than stellar circumstances helps me keep perspective.

Trying... to keep steady myself regardless of what's going on around me.  Another thing that is helping me keep my head on straight is deciding that I'm going to be the eye of the storm.  No matter how crazy things are getting in our household, I am trying really hard to maintain my self care (sleep, journaling, self care time) and stay on an even keel.  So this week when Jack was running a mysterious fever and Logan had two seizures, I did what needed to be done (phone calls, doctor appointments, what have you), and felt my feelings as they came, but tried not to jump on the roller coaster myself.  It was effective and I ended the week far less exhausted than I would have been in the past.

Grateful... for my village.  My mother-in-law came to the rescue Tuesday when she happened to be in town for the day and was able to watch Jack & Carly so I could go see my counselor (which I desperately needed) as well as take Jack to the doctor without Carly, which was a double bonus.  Josh's Aunt Lynne & Uncle Paul surprised us with dinner this week, which was such an unexpected blessing.  I received a lot of encouragement this week from Facebook & Instagram as well, and I can't tell you how much those positive, encouraging words mean to me on the hard days.  My friend Tania's words in particular meant so much to me, saying I was exactly the type of person Logan needs to be able to deal with his seizures.  Tania's words reminded me that God chose me for this.  That is something I've carried with me in my heart all week.  These recent trials with Logan & Wyatt's health are not tests from God, but are merely part of the path He knew I was strong enough for.  What a blessing to have friends who are there to remind us when we forget our own strength and purpose.

Reading... and finishing Brain on Fire and One Thousand Gifts.  Brain on Fire was a quick, fascinating read.  Think a medical episode of 20/20 turned into a book.  It was fascinating.  This was my second time through One Thousand Gifts, and I swear at this point, there is something underlined on nearly every page.  My favorite quote I discovered this time is this: "This is the trust I lack: to know that if disaster strikes, He carries me even there." Gah, Voskamp's writing is like poetry, and I just love it.  I started The Queen of Hearts, which is on Modern Mrs. Darcy's Summer Reading List, and so far I am loving it! It's like ER or Grey's Anatomy in a book, and the cover is gorgeous!  It's so lovely to be reading again after a month of not reading. I feel like I'm slipping back into my soul after a long break.

Obsessing... over Modern Mrs. Darcy's Summer Reading List.  I purchased some of them on Amazon, and put a few on hold via Overdrive so I can listen to them on audio.  I also added some to my "To be Read" list on Pinterest- the ones that looked good, but not un-put-down-able.  I keep going back to it, as I've read so many of her picks over the years and have rarely been disappointed!  One of the ones on her list I already read (The Great Alone) and I agree with her that it is such a good read! So if you're only going to choose one this summer, I highly recommend that one!

Compiling... a Summer Reading list of my own.  I have the few I chose from Modern Mrs. Darcy's list, as well as some I've been hanging onto for summer, and a few I've picked up at Safeway (they always have the best books tempting me as I line up to pay!) I'll be sharing my picks soon!

Pushing... away sad feelings that school lets out in two weeks! I don't know what I am going to do with the kids home all summer! Ahhhh!!!! #prayforme #threeboysistoomany #somuchfighting

Working on.... a post about Carly at 26 months and an April and May reading post, as well as a Summer Reading Post. Super excited about all the bookish posts coming up! I'm such a book nerd!

Volunteering... in Logan's class Friday to help them make pioneer rag dolls.  I forgot I had volunteered and was grateful Logan reminded me it was that day.  When I got there, the school's clocks were all off and he said he was so glad I was there, he had worried I wasn't coming cause he didn't know what time it was. He hugged me and was so glad to see Carly. He was so sweet.  I was really glad I made the effort to go and volunteer even though it wasn't necessarily what I wanted to be doing with the little bit of time I had the morning of an early release day.  His smile and sweet gratitude made me happy I had done it.

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