around here: week 24 2021

 {June 6-12th}

{32 weeks pregnant/Spring 2008}

 

Finished... reading The Four Winds by Kristin Hannah.  I was disappointed majorly in this book.  I ended up giving it only two stars.  I was invested in the story, but certain parts of it were so rushed!! It was awful. Uncomfortable and unrealistic.

Reading... Meg & Jo by Virginia Kantra and rereading The Gift of an Ordinary Day by Katrina Kenison.  Meg & Jo is a modern retelling of the sisters from Little Women, and I am reading it in preparation of Beth & Amy, which I preordered and have been looking forward to for a year. 
The Gift of an Ordinary Day is the most comforting book about motherhood, offering little insights & inspiration on every page. 

Starting... our next book club book, The Book of Lost Friends, and liking it more than I thought I would.  It's a huge book, so I'm going to have to read my heart out to get it finished before book club next week!!

Making... a hard phone call to address some big emotions and feeling proud of myself for doing it. I used to avoid confrontation at all costs, but my counselor brought it to my attention and said to me:
"So you avoid confrontation to keep other people from feeling uncomfortable, but then you feel uncomfortable?" I was like, Oh Em Gee. She's right. I am sacrificing my needs to keep others happy.  And that's no way to live.

Celebrating... Logan & Jack's 13th birthday with a family party at my mom's house and hosting a fight (Logan Paul and Floyd Mayweather) for the twins and some of the guys at our house.  We ordered chicken wings, and I made cupcakes.  They had a great time.  Logan got a punching bag for him and Jack and they were thrilled.  

Enjoying... a tea party with Carly one morning after I had told her I couldn't play because I was paying bills and she said, "I wish you were my sister," because I told her that moms have to work. It's just a fact of life. 
Clever girl.

Finding... Josh crawling into bed at 5:30am Sunday morning after working through the night on his car with his brother.  His car is done, it's fixed, and we are all so thrilled! Way to go, guys!

Taking... Carly to (drive through) kindergarten round up, where she got to meet her four (potential) kindergarten teachers, and was given a pack of activities for summer/school prep.  It got her so pumped.  As we drove home, she said, "I'm not going to be able to sleep a wink tonight! I'm too excited!" Gosh I love her enthusiasm.  

Experiencing... anxiety Tuesday & Wednesday about the future. Specifically about Carly starting kindergarten and whether Josh was going to expect me to go back to work or not.  I had to remind myself that I am safe with Josh, and asked him what his expectations were for the fall.  He was so kind, ever my soft place to land, and assured me that he does not expect me to return to the workforce.  He is worried that my anxiety or depression might get the best of me with no kids here to keep me on routine, so he wants me to be sure I'm taking care of myself, but otherwise, he is 100% fine with me continuing my role as a stay at home mom.  
The relief that came from having that conversation is immeasurable. 

Joining... my book club ladies in a health challenge.  Each week we are encouraged to workout, eat our fruits & veggies, drink plenty of water (along with some other things) and keep track of the points we have accumulated.  We each donated $20 to a pot, and whoever gets the most points, will win that!  I am not doing every thing I can to earn every single point, but instead am slowly building what healthy habits I'm doing each week.  64 ounces of water each day the first week, working out the second week, etc. 

Attending... Wyatt's last baseball practice where he got a pizza party and trophy.  While he palled around with his teammates, Carly and I played at the park and I got some super cute pictures of her. 

Hanging... out with Samuel & Josh on Thursday after the kids had gone to bed, and it was so fun.  Those guys are FUNNY and they make me feel relaxed, in the moment, and funny myself.  

Grateful... for Josh's last day this Friday.  What a year it has been!! Our kids, meanwhile, have another week left, and we are over it.  Because of that, I let Wyatt stay home Friday.  He took a mental health day, and it was much (MUCH) needed.  We are all OVER IT and I may be counting down to summer more enthusiastically than the kids are. 

Logging on... to Doctor on Demand to meet with my counselor, and talking about:

• the hard conversation I had this week
• my anxiety about Carly going to school & what it means for my future as a SAHM
• focusing on body positivity

She said speaking up for myself is a way of maintaining my own integrity, and that she was proud of me for having the hard phone convo.  She was also proud that I talked to Josh about his expectations for next year because it was bothering me so much to not know. 

We ended our session deciding that I needed to spend some time immersed in researching the value of stay-at-home-mothers since I tend to devalue what I do. 

In case you are a stay-at-home mom questioning your own value, I will cite what I found on verywellfamily.com

• My focus is 100% on my family
• I am able to spend time with my spouse
• Time invested raising kids
• Cleaning the house
• Running our life/calendar
• I make life easier for my spouse
• I make life smoother for my kids
• I don't miss out on milestones
• I am in charge of setting & keeping our family traditions
• I am there every step of the way
• I am my children's first, most influential teacher
• Duties included:
•     nurse
•     chauffeur
•     chef
•     teacher
•     playmate
•     housekeeper
•     school involvement/volunteering
•     laundry attendant
•     accountant
•     baby sitter
•     organizer
•     planner
•     grocery shopper
•     counselor
•     pet keeper
•     socializer
•     routine keeper
• What makes it hard includes:
•     No sick pay
•     No vacation
•     I am ALWAYS on duty, 24/7

In conclusion, the article said I do contribute to my family, I just don't contribute a paycheck.  If I were paid for my work as a SAHM, the website said I would make $143,102 per year for all that I do. 

(Please, please, please, if you are a working mom, do not take this to mean that any of this is not ALSO true for you. It is. You do all of this AND have a job outside the home on top of that.  I am impressed by you and am cheering for you! I just needed to dig into what it is I do here so I could feel a little better about what I am adding to our household. xoxo)

Walking... with my friend Becky and loving the time we share because it doesn't feel like exercise. It just feels like time with my girlfriend, chatting about life. It's awesome!

Planning... Wyatt's birthday pool party and feeling disbelief that he will be ten.

Dressing up... to go out with my bestie and her friends at Michael's on the Lake for her birthday.  We had the best time- great food, amazing dessert, and even better company.  Gosh, I am always so grateful for social time.

Writing... a post about rocking chairs, and what it's like to reach the end of that era of my life. It feels surreal that the part of my life I looked most forward to (having babies and raising toddlers) is already over.  Thankfully this stage is lots more fun than I would have imagined, but there is still a mourning in letting go of what has passed. 

Joining... my writing group (Mine To Tell) and writing about our bedroom in Alaska.  It was a great jumping off point for much of my story, which has me excited about what is to come. (Mine To Tell is a writing group with leaders Kathy & Ashmae, that meets on Tuesdays to write and gives you access to all sorts of writing courses they've made in the past. It's helping me get in touch with "Shelly", as opposed to "Logan, Jack, Wyatt & Carly's mom", and reminds me how much I love writing. I am loving it.)

Loving... the kids doing the dishes each day.  It's funny, but as they have gotten older, it's gotten harder for me (somehow) to keep up with the daily chores. I feel constantly behind on laundry and dishes, so having them jump into a rotation (Logan, Jack, Wyatt, repeat) of loading the dishwasher and unloading it, has relieved the burden on my shoulders a lot. 

***

{I needed this message this week!}

My kids have started guarding me from the other kids if I'm eating and they know I'm hangry.  It is equal parts sad and AWESOME. "No! Don't interrupt her. She needs to eat!" 

{Hate how accurate this is}

I bought myself this sweatshirt.
To remind myself:
"I'm doing THE BEST I can"

***

around here: week 8 2021

 {February 14-20th}

Can you just HEAR this picture?

Reading... The Kiss Quotient, which is an adorable love story about a girl on the autism spectrum trying to figure out relationships. I read it in two days! I am also listening to The Kite Runner on audio. So good!

Putting... a cast on Logan's hand for his broken pinky because he just can't keep on the splint.  I am worried it's not going to heal right, so his doctor and I decided that casting it was the safest choice. Logan wasn't thrilled, but I have to do what's best for him in the long run.

Loving... my husband for bringing me yellow roses the day after Valentine's Day.  He was busy working (finishing the cabinet install for our old neighbors) on actual Valentine's Day, so we didn't celebrate, but the next day he came home with flowers. And he chose yellow because he knows I hate red. I think red is cliche and not as pretty as the other colors. (So random, I know. I don't know how he puts up with me. Hah!)

Playing... Oregon Trail (online) with Wyatt just like I did in fourth grade! Wyatt was not impressed with the graphics (or lack thereof) but we did have SO much fun playing. We were laughing so hard by the end.  His cousin Milo as well as Jack (he named the players after his cousins and siblings) drown in a river crossing; Carly got a snake bite, then got lost, then died; and finally Wyatt died.  He was only about halfway down the trail and ran out of water.  It was a really fun assignment his teacher sent out, and I was grateful to have part of school we enjoyed!

Cleaning... up the milk spill Carly had Wednesday on her way to dump her bowl in the sink. I am grateful she cleans up after herself (by putting her dirty dishes in the sink)... but this time I think I would have preferred she left it on the table.  (Whoever says "Don't cry over spilled milk" doesn't realize how dang sticky it is! What a mess!!) 

Enjoying... Monday off for President's Day weekend.  Schooling the kids at home has me more pumped for days off than ever before. I am as excited (or moreso) than the kids!

Working out... 3x this week, per my promise to myself. I am so glad that I am doing this.  I feel amazing!

Going... to my sleep study consult.  We think that I may have sleep apnea, and my doctor recommended an oxygen meter to wear one night to see how I did.  Well, my oxygen dropped 47 times in one night. Not good.  So the next step is a sleep study and then go from there.

Still... having so much fun with our apple peeler/corer/slicer.  My mom bought it for us (it's Pioneer Woman) and my kids go ga-ga for it!! 

Attending... counseling on the 19th, via doctorondemand.com (I can't say enough good things about how simple, affordable and life changing this app has been for me!) and talking about how I am allowed to enjoy eating.  And also the terrible realization that life is both good and bad.  I know that sounds ridiculous, but I am a black & white thinker, so grey is tough for me.  Remembering, constantly, that life is a sliding scale, and both good and bad can exist at the same time, in the same place, even in the same person, is mind bending for me.  

Enduring... some really mean, negative self talk.  Along with my belief in things being black or white, good or bad, I also believe that I fall into the loser category when compared with winners who have their lives all together.  Giving others grace I can do, all day long... but when it comes to giving myself grace, or the benefit of the doubt, or reminding myself that I am doing my best, I suck.  
I've also been questioning my worth since I don't bring in a paycheck.  My counselor suggested I do some research on the benefits of being a stay-at-home parent, and also that I talk back to the negative voices that are trying to bring me down. 

Looking... ahead to summer (and afternoons spent in our pool!) and purchasing myself some new swimsuits as well as a new cover up.  I am so excited to see if I like my meet.curve suits.  I even ordered myself a two piece. I haven't worn one of those since before I was married! I'll be sure to keep you posted. 

Receiving... the sweetest (and cutest!) little Valentine's gift from my mom.  She got me a cat ring holder to go by my sink for when I need to take my rings off to cook or wash my hands.  The kitty's tail holds the ring, and I just think it is the sweetest! Thanks mom!

Taking... the kids outside to play in the snow one morning because snow is pretty, school is hard and you only live once, right?!  I shoveled our driveway while they played and let me tell you: Josh makes that look easy. Easy!! I came in (after what was a pretty halfass job, honestly) and was wet under my snow gear like I had showered in my clothes.  I was SO sweaty.  And I was sore for a week. Josh and the twins shovel snow like it's sweeping up dog hair. They're amazing and I am not worthy. Hah!

While we were outside Jack & Wyatt built one wall of an igloo; Logan made a snow cave (that he could actually fit in!) and Carly sat on the porch eating (hopefully fresh) snow.  Grady jumped around in the waist high snow like a fox, happiest I've ever seen him. It was a super fun morning. I'm grateful we seized the day. 

Thinking... about overthinking (ironic, right?) after listening to Anne Bogel's new book "Don't Overthink It" on Hoopla.  It offered lots of practical advice to limit the number of decisions you are forced to make everyday, and I have found it so helpful. I definitely was suffering decision fatigue, and Bogel's advice for that is to make as many routine decisions as you can, without thinking. For example, every night when I go to bed, I floss, brush my teeth, wash my face and take my medications.  It's not negotiable. I don't have to think about it, decide what steps I'm going to do. I just do all of those things, every night. That prevents overthinking. My mornings are less sure, so my goal is to get them a little more regimented.  Anyway, if you're an overthinker like me, I think you'd enjoy the audio version of Don't Overthink It. It's narrated by Bogel herself, and her voice is very soothing and encouraging.  

Letting... Carly paint as often as I can. She asks nearly daily, but I try to say yes regardless because I know that the art is good for her, and the mess isn't as bad as I think it will be. It's still hard, because it's still a pain to clean up afterward, but it keeps her entertained and she loves it. 

Happy... that Molly is all better after getting fixed last week.  She was pretty out of it for the better part of three days, and I made her sleep in our room to make sure Grady wasn't too rough with her (they play hard sometimes!) but she's back to her regular, healthy, crazy, kitty self. Thank goodness!

Raising... a little reader in Carly.  She wants to be just like mommy and just like brothers, which means at bedtime when normally I would turn off her light and leave, she's been begging me to let her turn on her bed lights (twinkle lights we wrapped around her daybed) and read like me & the boys. A couple nights a week I let her, and I usually walk in a half hour later to find her like you see above: passed out with her little pink glasses still perched on her nose, books and bubbas taking up most of the room on her bed, and the lights still on, making her look like a little angel. 

Enjoying... a Saturday afternoon to myself when my mom offered to take all four kids for a few hours. It was absolutely glorious and I did a whole lot of nothing at all.  I diamond dotted and watched Grey's Anatomy (what will I do when I reach the last season?!?) and just soaked in the peace & quiet. It was so lovely.

***