"Camping"

 Originally Josh & I, along with our three boys, were going to be on this camping trip with my parents & sister at Cougar.

 But then in April Josh got a job in a land far, far away, and our plans changed.

 So instead, my sister took our campsite for her family and the boys & I just drove up for the day.

 This was the weekend after Josh left.  They swam in the lake with my parents, rode bikes with my dad & sat around the campfire eating Hershey chocolate squares.

They loved the water, took to it like naturals. And rode bikes, going so fast, overjoyed to be free to ride in the road around the loop.

They were really happy to be "camping" for that day.  They were delighted to spend time with my parents and sister.

 I had a harder time. I regretted that our reservations were too late for us to go as a family.

 It was a lot of work to load the car, pack up & get the kids ready to head up there by myself.

 I hated driving alone, no one to talk to, and I hated heading home in the dark, knowing how much work awaited me when I arrived.

 I tried to stay in the moment, enjoying the boys laughter & experience it through their eyes, but the fact was, Josh wasn't there. And I wasn't okay with that.

 Next  year we will gather around the campfire together.  We will schedule around his school calendar and he'll be there to fix Logan's bike if it breaks.  He'll be there to swim with them, and take them potty. He'll be there to visit with me in the car, help me with the work of packing & get me safely home.

 I'm glad I went, for the boys' sake.  They loved it and are still talking about it.

 They tell people we couldn't sleep there because I forgot the tent. Oops.

But mostly they talk about the s'mores.

Who can blame them?