Compassion for my current self

I just got all four kids down by myself, which somehow these days is harder than it used to be.  They all four want a piece of me, and by bedtime all I want is for them to fall asleep and to have a little quiet time to myself. Ha!

But I force myself to take the time to stop and connect with each of them, reading and singing to Carly, snuggling Logan, and talking with Wyatt & Jack.  It's not easy, but it's always worth it.

It's hard as a mother when I feel like I'm not enough.  And with four kids, those days outnumber the days where I feel like I'm plenty.  

I read Sally Field's book In Pieces last year, and it was so good.  (5 stars good.)

 I felt like Sally taught me so much.  Like how people can be both/and.  Life can be messy & grey.  Even though we often wish it were simple and black & white. 

She too had a son with asthma & a son with epilepsy, which only endeared her to me even more.  Reading about her struggles with the same exact illnesses my boys have struggled with made me feel so much less alone.  Less crazy for worrying the way I did and do. 

But above all, what stood out to me the most as Sally read her story to me (I listened to it on audio) was that she had so much compassion for her younger self, looking back.  She was full of grace and love and kindness for younger, more naive Sally.  Not judgment or scorn or ridicule.  

It made me think maybe I should have a little compassion for my current self. 

Maybe, just maybe, she's doing the best that she can. 

And a few years from now, I will look back on all that she accomplished, and think, 

"Damn. She was amazing.  She sure got a lot done with all that was going on... with all that was on her plate.  I'm so proud of her. I wish I could go back and tell her what a good job she did."

"Motherhood is given the brush-off in our society. 

'Oh, I'm just a mom,' you hear women say. 

'Just' a mom? Please! 

Being a mom is everything.  

It's mentorship, it's inspirational, it's our hope for the future."

-Sally Field

So let's be compassionate to our current selves, moms.

Someday they'll be our past selves,

and we will see everything we're doing well 

so very clearly.

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