Carly- 5 Months

Baby girl, Squish McMush, Carlykins, Carly May, Babykins, is five months old.  It feels both fast & like an eternity.  When I think of the long sleepless nights that began it all back in January, I feel like she was born about three decades ago.  The cold, dark nights are a faint memory.

Now it's warm, sister's got thighs hanging out of her little rompers, and her eyelashes have grown long enough to rest on her sweet cheeks.  She's growing in all the best ways-- babbling, reaching for things and giggling when she feels so inclined.  We all love her so.

So please pardon the next hundred pictures of our girl... I simply can't narrow it down.

Carly at 37 Weeks

{35 Weeks}

So I am 37 weeks today.  Which means if this were the twins' pregnancy, I'd be having a baby (or two) today.  And if this were Wyatt's pregnancy, I'd still have a MONTH to go.  But this isn't Logan, Jack or Wyatt's pregnancy-- it's Carly's and that means I have two weeks left.  (Eee!!!)

{36 Weeks: Photo Credit goes to Jack Cunningham}

That's right, we finally got the c-section (my third) scheduled.  Sunday January 24th is the day, so long as Josh makes it in the day before as planned.  

{32 Weeks}

For the most part, my pregnancy has given me very little to complain about-- nausea the first trimester (but no puking), heartburn in the second trimester (easily handled with Maalox), and low back pain (off & on) throughout (which I've addressed with chiropractic care).  

Until I hit 36 weeks, that is-- now I have occasional nausea & heartburn; pretty consistent low back pain; plus swollen feet, legs & hands.  I'm semi-miserable at this point.  

Thankfully the end is in sight!

{35 Weeks}

In addition to some physical discomfort, I've been having really vidid dreams.  I dreamed about Josh getting a job in a scary place; about leaving Wyatt to fend for himself at a high school; that Wyatt was hit by a car (which was super terrible, totally realistic & bloody) along with a slew of other randomly disturbing things.  

And I'm not the only one-- Josh dreamed he was in a plane crash and woke up on impact, and Jack dreamed he got lost cause I left him and his brothers at the store.

The terrible dreams are overwhelming!  I am more than ready for them to quit!

*

{Grandpa Jerry, me & Grandma Pansy}

{35 Weeks}

{35 Weeks}

I feel like from 35 to 37, I have really popped, and my belly is hilariously large.  I mean, compared to the twin pregnancy it still seems small & manageable, but it is really, really obvious that I'm expecting, and pretty much every stranger I meet comments on it, usually asking if it's another boy.

No, I assure them, it's not another boy (although I do still wonder...) ultrasound confirmed it's a girl.  And one that I am now entirely prepared for.  Between our storage unit, my baby shower, random gifts dropped off by friends, hand-me-downs generously given and a few small shopping trips myself, we are ready!

All over my room for the last month there have been piles of pink & purple laundry.  Today I plan to sort (by size) the last of it, and then pack my hospital bag for her arrival.  

I am so curious what size she will be.  The twins were (Logan) 4lbs. 6 oz. and (Jack) 6lbs. 13oz. and Wyatt was 8lbs. 14 and a half ounces.  I'm imagining she will be somewhere in the sevens... but only time will tell!

I am also curious what she will look like, and particularly what color her hair (if she has any) will be.  The twins were born with red hair that stayed until 4 months.  Then it all fell out, and grew back in white-blonde.  Wyatt was born with dark brown hair and lots of it.  So Carly could have anything!

Her kicks lately have been taken up a notch!  We were Facetiming yesterday when Josh got to see one of her better kicks, up high under my rib cage, and he said it looks like she's trying to get out.  My favorite movements right now are the ones where it feels like she's stretching and wiggling either her toes or fingers.  It's so precious, and all too fleeting.

We're so excited to meet you, Carly May!

The 24th can't come soon enough!

***

Christmas Tree Hunting + January's Coming

Early in the season, my parents asked if I wanted to take the boys "Christmas Tree Hunting" since they've never been (in their memory at least) before.  So we loaded them up & off we went.  

They enjoyed it so much, and my dad even had them help cut it down.  I was especially proud when they picked it up & carried it all the way back to the car by themselves!!!

Once we got it home, we decorated it with my mom.  It was so fun to look back on all the ornaments from my childhood & the twins' baby days.  This is the first holiday I've spent at home in four years and I was soaking it all in!  

{Flashback ornaments-- my favorite!}

***

Now as we prepare to wrap up the 2015 holiday season, I am becoming all too aware that in four short weeks, our baby girl will be here.  It's leaving me feeling equal parts excited and panicky.  

I am nervous about parenting four kids without Josh here. 

I am nervous about undergoing my third c-section.  

I am nervous about getting it all done.

I am excited to have a daughter.

I am excited to see her face & get to know her.

I am excited to see our family grow & watch the boys with her.

The thing that honestly is bringing me the most panic today? This blog! It's so silly, but I have 30 (THIRTY!!!) drafts sitting in my blog post queue, and with more sure to come after Carly's born, I have an intense desire to post as many as I can before her birth.  So I am going to go with that and try to post at least one each day until she arrives. I may even post more than that, just so I can get caught up (I still have some from summer! Yikes!).

In the meantime, I am grateful for the amazing baby shower we had, and the opportunity to sort through all the baby stuff in our storage unit today with Josh so that I am as ready for #4's arrival as possible.  She'll be here before I know it!

*

Carly's Oh-So-Sweet Baby Shower

 As time continued passing since my miscarriages, and my pregnancy with Carly progressed, I went from feeling sad, confused and achy about those losses to feeling positive, optimistic and hopeful about the future.  I found many pins on Pinterest (a great place to be inspired) that matched my improved outlook:

This one might be my very favorite, considering Cinderella is, hands down, my favorite fairy tale.

 

These two spoke to me because I believe them.  

I believe that God would not put me through something without a purpose. 

I believe God has good plans for my life.

And I believe that the rainbow coming after the storm that was last year,

is totally going to have been worth the tears.

Sunday afternoon at my parents house, 

surrounded by all my friends & loved ones, 

we celebrated just that.

 A beautiful rainbow theme filled every corner of the shower.

From the fruit tray...

 to the clothes line...

 to the diaper cake...

 I wish I had taken more pictures-- there were so many people (whom I love so much!) at the shower.  And they spoiled me so very thoroughly. 

 Honestly, I felt like I was opening presents for hours!

Here is where I make a little confession-- I've had trouble believing that #4 will really be a little girl.  I guess it feels too good to be true.  So I have bought three (count 'em three) things for her. Two outfits and one blanket. That's it.

So opening outfit after outfit for sweet little Carly was very exciting.  Everything is so precious for baby girls-- little ribbons, bits of lace and sparkles everywhere!!!

One of the most fun gifts I got was a tiny Ergo (baby wearing backpack) for Carly to wear her dolls in when she gets bigger. It is an exact replica of the Ergo I have. It made me so excited about having a little girl.

My sister printed wish cards and reading through them today was so much fun.  Everyone at the shower filled out their hopes for sweet little Carly, and they have such big dreams for her.  It makes the future seem limitless.

This fur shrug from my aunt is one of my most treasured gifts-- it's fit for a princess and made me very excited for all the dress up (and not the Captain America variety) in my future! 

There was one gift that made me cry-- 

this beautiful hand made blanket from my mom and sister.  

My mom has made a baby blanket for each of my baby's.  My first pregnancy, I was not going to find out what I was having, so we chose sage greens for the baby blanket.  Then at my 20 week ultrasound, we found out it was twins and decided that was enough surprise for one pregnancy, and asked what sex they were.  When we discovered two boys were headed our way, we made a coordinating baby blue blanket to go with the green one.

Then when I was pregnant with Wyatt I went wild and chose super colorful polka dots & stripes, as well as frogs for the baby blanket.  And instead of flannel, which I had done on the twins' baby blankets, I did the entire back in minky.

This pregnancy, I just never had the strength to want to face Fabric Depot and all.the.choices of fabric.  So I put off going, figuring eventually I would have to.  Then my mom surprised me with this blanket that she and my sister pieced together, basing the colors off the one blanket I bought from IvieBaby the night I found out it was a girl.

Those tiny quilts, sewn with love by my very own mom, always remind me of the hospital, so seeing Carly's was a very real reminder that soon I'll have a baby to wrap in that blanket, just like I have before.

After two losses and the ensuing heart break, imagining a baby in that blanket at the end of January feels like a dream come true.

The shower truly was a labor of love, and no detail was left unattended.  I am so grateful for my mom and sister who know me so well and love me so much.  We're all three elated to welcome a little girl into our family of boys (my mom has only grandsons-- six of them!!!) and their excitement is starting to rub away some of my disbelief.

My sister teased me that at the hospital, when Carly's finally in my arms, I'm going to have a moment and shout, "It's a girl! It really is a girl!"  Ha! I think she's probably right!

Me & my baby girl at 33 Weeks

I am getting really anxious to meet this little one
and see her sweet face.
She's already a dream come true.

***