Breaking Apart

Josh left on Saturday.  Twelve hours later than scheduled, which none of us can complain about... but it made our Sunday rough.  Rough, I tell you.  I had planned on working through all that sadness Saturday, and spending Sunday at my parents house.  Life had other plans when Josh's plane couldn't depart for Seattle because of freezing fog Saturday morning.  The next direct flight he could get from PDX to Anchorage (he didn't want to stop in Seattle if he didn't have to) was Saturday night.  So after a tearful drop off curbside, I turned around and picked him back up. It felt bizarre to say the least.  Blessed, but bizarre!

We spent Saturday together, swimming at the local pool & picking up dinner as a family one last time.  Then we got the boys down and Josh's dad took him to the airport.  Again.

I sat on the couch in our room, crying as they drove away.  It doesn't matter how long he's here, or how many times we've done it, being apart (or "breaking apart", as Wyatt calls it) never gets easier.

I still wish he was here.  I still miss him.  I still ache for him to help me parent these growing boys, hold me when I'm sad, and rub my feet. (Let's be honest... the foot rubs are pretty high on the list of things I miss now that I'm nine months pregnant.)

I put myself to bed early Saturday night and awoke to an inch and a half of snow on the ground Sunday.  Aside from the weather, our Sunday was not going to be what we'd envisioned anyway because my poor mom twisted her ankle and spent the day at Urgent Care making sure it wasn't broken.  Between the sudden weather change and our lack of any plans for the day, it spiraled a bit out of control.  

I kept managing to pull us back together, but all day I felt like I was hanging by a thread.  Get ready for the day, make our beds, break up a fight.  Feed them breakfast, brush their teeth, break up a fight.  Get out toys, start paying bills, break up a fight, demand sentence writing of the older two.  Finish paying bills, order winter coats, beat myself up for leaving their snow gear in Alaska, break up two more fights.  Feed them lunch, gear them up, go outside, listen to Wyatt complain about "always" walking in the snow "every time" even though this is the first snow we've had all year, and certainly the first snow he's ever seen in Washington.  Breathe.  Pray for strength & patience, remember my new years resolutions (be patient. no swearing), break said new years resolutions.  Damn it. sigh.

Like I said, rough day.

But we got through it.  Managed to pull together a nice dinner, let the kids have ice cream for dessert and choose two books each for story time before bed instead of the obligatory one.  I was feeling good.  After prayers Logan & Jack quickly fell asleep while Wyatt remained restless.  Eventually he came in my room, where I was continuing to work on my to-do list (I'm trying to be better prepared for our homeschool days) and asked if I would lay with him.  I obliged, as I typically do, and even brought my phone so we could listen to some JJ Heller (his favorite).  

But nothing was doing. He would not fall asleep.  Finally I asked him, "Why aren't you falling asleep, buddy?" And he responded with, "I'm just not tired.  I'm sad.  I'm sad daddy's not here."

I opened my arms and he crawled into them, sobbing on my chest.  And there he stayed, crying like that, for at least a half an hour.  "It's just so hard, breaking apart," he squeaked out in between tears, his little eyebrows all red & splotchy.  

I was crying, just as hard, right alongside him.  Watching him hurt, missing his daddy, was almost too much for my heart to take.  It was gut wrenching.  

It doesn't matter to him that Josh comes back in three weeks.  It doesn't matter to him that it's only for this school year or that we're halfway done... All that matters to his four year old heart is that his daddy wasn't here to read his bedtime story, brush his teeth or tuck him in.  Every day apart is one day too many.

So I just held him, letting him cry all his sads out, assuring him that breaking apart from Josh was the worst, and I totally understood how he felt.  It must have worked because finally he sat straight up and said, "I'm better", even though he clearly was not. His breath continued hiccuping until he fell asleep an hour and a half later, but he had decided that was enough.  So we picked out a big stack of bedtime stories & read each one on my bed, hanging tight to each other.

And I imagine that's how we'll get through the next few weeks...
hanging ever so tightly on to one another. 

 ***

The Portland Airport

Our arrival in Portland was a bit scary at first.  We came in for a landing, and at the last minute, the plane pulled up and we circled around.  The pilot reassured us there was just traffic on the runway, but Jack and I were both terrified.  (Our family had been separated because our reservation was for the emergency exit aisle, and no one under 18 years of age can sit there.  So they had to re-seat us.) Josh had Wyatt and Logan with him.  Wyatt had fallen asleep, and woke up as we were headed back into the clouds.  He was not a happy camper.  Jack and I just held hands and I prayed and prayed we would be able to land safely and see our family who was waiting anxiously below.  

We did indeed land safely, and before we knew it, I was following Josh and the boys to the gate where we would see our family for the first time.  I was expecting Josh's parents, my parents and maybe his brother.  Instead I was surprised to see my sister (who was supposed to be camping) and Josh's sister (who had been at Phantom of the Opera) were there, along with Josh's cousin and her kids.  I was shocked.  We are so loved, and I felt so blessed to have everyone I love there to greet us.  

I don't even remember the order in which I hugged people-- I think maybe Julie, then my sister, then my mom.  I just remember hugging my sister and sobbing.  I had missed her so much this year and was so happy to be with her again.  I also cried when I hugged my mom.  I had seen Julie during our trip to Anchorage, so we hugged, but I didn't need to bawl my eyes out from missing her for nine months. ;) Lucky her!

These are all the pictures I took of our time at the airport. I was really just in the moment, relishing the chance to hug my dad, my mother-in-law and soon to be sister-in-law Tiffanie.  I was too busy enjoying everyone talking to our boys and loving on them, as I knew they would, to take pictures.

After we gathered our luggage and hugged everyone one last time, we loaded up our car (oh, how I missed our car!) and headed "home".  (This summer "home" is my in-laws' house.  I am so excited to stay with family and have extra hands on deck to help with the kids.)  

Thank you to everyone who prayed for safe & easy travels and sent us well wishes.  Logan, who had been throwing up the day before we left, was in perfect health the whole day, and we had zero flight delays.  We are blessed indeed!

***

My Favorite Flight

My favorite flight (of the four we typically take) is the one from Anchorage to Seattle.  We generally travel mid-afternoon, and the light allows us to take advantage of the amazing views.  The mountains in Alaska are truly breathtaking.  

This flight is also the longest flight, which you would think makes it my least favorite, but the opposite is in fact true.  The 3+ hour flight allows us to really settle in, put a movie on for the kids and relax ourselves for a little bit.  It also gets us to the lower 48, which is a wonderful feeling.  Something about being back on the road system provides me mental comfort.

I was surprised that none of the kids slept, but we were all so excited to get to Washington, I don't think I can blame them!

***

Leaving on a Jet Plane

I mentioned earlier that we had a lot of luggage.  Like, filled the whole back of the school pick up!  And do you believe that only one piece weighed too much?!?  That's some kind of miracle!

Once we arrived in Bethel we transferred quickly from RAVN (formerly ERA) to Alaska Airlines via the shuttle van, and began the grueling process of checking all our luggage.  Thankfully Leah was there to sit with our kids while they had snack and we checked in at the counter.

The boys are such seasoned travelers, though, that they probably would have been good even on their own.  I was so proud of them all day.

Josh grabbed us each a slice of pizza from Brothers restaurant (a meal I didn't have to make! Hallelujah!) and we chowed down before boarding our flight to Anchorage.

The flight from Bethel to Anchorage is only an hour, so it was really quick.  Leah and I had arranged it so she was sitting with our family, meaning we had an entire row.  Wyatt sat between me and Leah and Josh manned the twins on the other side of the aisle.

Before we knew it, the flight was over and we were headed into the Anchorage airport.  We were getting closer!

In Anchorage we bought the boys new Alaska sweatshirts since they have outgrown their old ones, and in the store, Wyatt asked the worker why her floors had sparkles in them.  I was laughing so hard.  And thus began the joy of watching Wyatt take it all in.

After that we got some nuggets at McDonald's and then prepared to say goodbye to Leah as we were going to go our separate ways.  That is, hands down, the hardest thing about this lifestyle. You go through life together, side by side, carrying each other through the ups & downs and challenges of life in the bush, and then, after a few years, or sometimes even less, you have to say goodbye as life continues and people go their separate ways.  I cried as I hugged Leah, happy for the next chapter in her life to start, but sad (for myself) that we won't be side by side anymore.  

I love you, Leah!  You have been an amazing support, a fun "aunt" and a loving friend.  And for that I'll always be grateful.

***

Marshall Flight

The morning we left Alaska for Washington was gorgeous.  Our flight from Marshall to Bethel in particular was beautiful.  We were thankful to get a caravan (which seats 9) instead of a 207 (which seats 5).  A caravan is more spacious, faster and has more room for baggage.  ... And let's be honest-- we come with a lot of baggage!

We used to travel with 8 pieces of luggage, but now that we have to pay for Wyatt's seat (because he's over two years old... sad face!) we can bring 10.  And we always maximize our luggage.  This year we had one tote, a gun case, and eight traditional bags. (Plus car seats, but those travel free and don't count against your total.)  Since we are Alaska residents, with Alaska Airlines we are part of Club 49, and get 2 checked bags free.  (Within the state of Alaska, you can get 3 checked bags free!)  This saves us a ton of money and keeps us from having to ship too much home for summer.

Wyatt sat all by himself for the first time ever and was incredibly brave.  It helped that the flight was really smooth.  The twins also did really well, although Logan asked maybe ten times if we were there yet, and it's only a half hour flight!

Our best good friend Leah was also on that flight and our next flight, and having the extra set of hands was so helpful as we unloaded and checked in for our next leg of the trip.

***

Flight: Russian Mission to Marshall

On my trip home from Anchorage back in October, for the first time since I've lived in Marshall, I had to stop in Russian Mission before landing in Marshall.  A few people got off the plane, as did some mail; then a few new people got on the plane and off we went to Marshall.  Here are pictures of our trip.

(The first few are actually from my flight that went from Anchorage to Bethel)

***

Here are the ones I took from the 207 traveling Bethel to Russian, & Russian to Marshall.

{Russian Mission from the air}

{Marshall is just on the other side of that mountain}

{Marshall is just off the river bend to the right}

** home sweet home ***