Around Here: Week 41 2020

Burning... the new autumnal candle I bought while I was away with Shana last weekend.  It smells divine and brings a certain serenity to our school mornings that might otherwise not be there. (Whatever helps, right?!)

Cleaning house... per usual, on Sunday.  We split the chores into pairs (downstair bathroom + dishwasher; master bathroom + dog poop; and boys bathroom + catbox) so whoever cleans that bathroom Sunday, has that chore the entire following week.  It helps lighten my load and start the week off right with a clean & tidy house.  

I have also started making lists on the blackboard of other chores that need doing so when the boys get in trouble, I automatically have a list of things they can do for me to pay me back.

Laughing... at the picture Wyatt drew of Mt. St. Helens after we watched a special documentary (find it on Disney Plus- Surviving The Mount St. Helens Disaster) on it.  He drew the before (a perfect mountain with a pretty little top) and the after (where he shows it as a bowl, with someone pouring cheerios & milk into it) and says, "World's Largest Cereal Bowl Reward Goes To Mt. St. Helens." Hah!!

Gosh I love this kid!

Enduring... so many migraines. I think it was 5 this week, including one in the middle of the night (weird!) and they just wear.me.out.

Also enduring school with the boys as we head towards one month of this life.  It's strange and not my favorite, but it is starting to feel normal now. And I'm trying really hard to be grateful for the small things that are great. Like not having to get anyone out the door at a specific time; being able to let the kids sleep in when they want to; and the freedom of having my own schedule. We stick to the school one pretty well, but occasionally change things up, and that feels nice. 

Learning... that Carly wants to be a cowboy.  She told Josh on the way home from Grandma's house this week that that's what she wants to be, and she said they can use a lasso and ride horses. 

Shopping... for groceries, all masked up, with the three boys while she was at Grandma's.  They are so helpful now, I want to stop every young mom I see with babies and toddlers fussing or crying and assure her, "It gets better! It gets SO MUCH better!"

Wanting... to remember all of Carly's stuffed animals names.  The colorful one, pictured with her above, she named Lollipops.  She also has Rosie, George, Ramona, Callie, Raindrop, and Margaret (whom she named after Josh's baby sister who died). She is very thoughtful about names and doesn't hesitate to scorn my ideas if she doesn't like them.  She is also partial to the names "Sparkle", "Pearl", "Rainbow" and "Purple", but hasn't permanently named any of her toys that. 

Trying... a Young Living oil diffuser for the first time.  I didn't love the smell- I did lavender and something else I can't remember.  But then I did a citrus blend and I liked that better. I am going to keep experimenting with it, but I joked with my friend that I'm like one quarter granola. I like things a little healthier for my family (especially Wyatt's little lungs) but I'm not three quarters granola like her.  (She's so amazing she makes her own soap!)

Loving... Raffi on Google Music for Carly lately.  It reminds me of when my little brother was her age and we had the tapes of Raffi performing live.  He loved those things!  

Our favorites are:

Down By The Bay

Tingalayo

Baby Beluga

Willoughby Wallaby Woo

Reading... Anxious People by Fredrik Backman and feeling inspired, as always by his books, by the humanity of people.  The book was not as scary as I thought it might be (which was good) but it was still a total page turner. I love how he sees people and our emotions and can bring them to light in his books. Gah. So good!!

I also started reading Anne of the Island, and I just never get tired of Anne's love of beauty and appreciation for everything in the world.  She reminds me to slow down and enjoy whatever season I am in.  For there is beauty to be found in every season if only we look for it. 

Sharing... my reading journal over on my Bookstagram page and feeling excited that I got eleven books read in September, putting me at 86/100 for the year. I think I just might make 100 and it has me so thrilled!!!

Enjoying... what are likely the last flowers of the season.  Josh keeps such a beautiful flower bed (I think his mother is to credit for his green thumb. She's an amazing gardener as well) that it's sad to think this season is over. But I planted a TON of bulbs in the beds a few weeks ago, and I have those buds to look forward to come spring. 

Laughing... at this picture Carly got of me while I was getting her out of the car in our garage. I look goofy, but also, so happy, and really, I imagine that's the me she mostly sees. I miss her when she's gone, I light up when she enters the room, and I am always glad to listen to her talk or read her a story.  I just feel so lucky she is ours. 

Reminiscing... about that time we lived in rural Alaska.  We were there roughly five years, in the village of Marshall, although the kids and I spent some of that time in Vancouver (Washington) on either end, when Wyatt was a baby in 2011, and again when Carly was born in 2016. 

This picture, taken by a girl Josh knew from the school, Anisa, and it shows just how remote our village was.  The large river on the right is the Yukon, and the smaller waterways are sloughs that lead to the river. On the upper left of the village, the large building, is the school, and behind it was teacher housing. 

In Marshall there were three churches, the school, the town dump, a post office and what we called the co-op, which was like a glorified gas station.  That was where we could get fresh produce sometimes and treats (like a 12-pack of Coca Cola for $15 or a bag of Doritos for $9.)

Sometimes that time in my life feels like a dream. I look back and can't believe I was brave enough to do it. But then I remember how strong my desire was to be a stay-at-home mom and I can see how it was an easy decision to make.

But I will say that looking back sure makes me grateful to be a stay-at-home mom now, in a city, with a hospital and a grocery store. Where there is always sour cream, eggs and tomatoes. I don't know if I will ever take those things for granted again. 

 ***

What's Getting Me Through Quarantine (Days 1-10)

• Chocolate chips & peanut butter
• My new gratitude journal
• Good books
• Writing letters to loved ones
• Puzzles
• Having my teacher husband home with us
• Diamond dot art (have you tried it yet???)
• Homeschooling: our emotions unit; this history read aloud & Prodigy for math
• Organizing all.the.things
• Facetime & phone calls with family & friends
• My 5:00am quiet time 
• Social media, especially my Bookstagram friends like her & her & her
• Evening walks with Josh & Grady

I have not left my house to run errands (except to sit in the car while we pick up the kids school lunches- the kids are required to be present, and they hand them to us through the car window) since March 15th.  That's ten days of being home, in quarantine.  I told Josh that at first I was surprised at how well I was handling it all, especially considering my worst type of anxiety is health anxiety.  (I'm looking at you, Coronavirus)

But then I thought about it some more, and realized, we used to do this for nine months at a time.  We would fly (in August) into our village in Alaska (where Josh taught elementary school) and be away from friends & family until mid-May.  My entire life would happen within the four walls of our home, barring an occasional visit to the post office or co-op (local "store" that was like a glorified, overpriced gas station).  Thankfully we also had friends there, a handful of fellow teachers whom we could spend time with, but most of our living happened in our home. (I'm looking at you, -30 degree weather)

One thing I am doing that is helping (a lot) with my sanity is waking up before the kids.  I spend that time doing whatever I want.  Sometimes I just scroll my phone.  But mostly I am reading or journaling, and, per the advice of my newest library book (The Stress Solution) I am saying a mantra, out loud, for two minutes. At first it felt kind of weird, but YOU GUYS when the kids start fighting and the twins are brawling over a Lego piece while Carly lays on the floor crying because I won't let her have a bag of chips for breakfast, my mantra pops right into my head and reminds me that "I am calm and in control." It is like legit magic. Highly recommend.

For homeschooling the kids, I am using the anxiety workbook a friend's counselor recommended for my kids' anxiety. It's called "What to do when you worry too much", was less than $10 on Amazon, and is SUPER easy to work with, including the kids in each lesson with drawings and discussions.  I am LOVING it.  We're also enjoying reading The History of the World by Susan Wise Bauer out loud each day.  It's the story of the world, with tons of fascinating history facts, but written in story form, so it keeps the kids' interest. We're doing Prodigy for math, and that is saving my life because my kids think they are playing a game (similar to Zelda, maybe?) with quests, but they are really doing math! Win/win!

Having my teacher husband home is, of course, also making homeschooling easier.  He is in charge of doing Science (we use Mystery Doug) and Kahoots (a competition the boys love to do) as well as running a Storyline Online while I shower.

In addition to school, I am aiming to do (at least) one thing each day that stays done (like, not dishes & laundry), and that has mainly been organizing, room by room, closet by closet. I just tackle one small thing each day.  Every single person in the house has commented on the junk drawer since I organized it last week. (It was really bad! hah!) I'm also staying busy with reading, a new sea shell puzzle and the diamond dot art the boys and I are trying to finish for Wyatt's bedroom.  (He got it for Christmas from my mom- it's been a team effort all the way!)

I shared on Instagram yesterday that before we all got stuck in our houses, I stopped by Barnes & Noble (oh how I miss you Barnes & Noble) in Vancouver and happened to pick up a gratitude journal for $8.  It has spots to write three things you're grateful for daily, and it's been a really great way for me to look for the silver lining among this craziness.  I have never been so grateful for social media as I have been in the last week and a half.  Checking on my friends, laughing at Covid19 memes (truly the best medicine) and cheering everyone to carry on has buoyed my spirit.  I also hit 500 followers on Instagram which feels exciting!

Three things I'm grateful for right now:

• A warm cup of coffee in my hand
• Sunny weather for my kids to play in
• That I get to be stuck with my favorite people

***

Enjoy Your Days Before School

Dear Mama's of Younger Littles,
Enjoy the days where the days are yours.

By that I mean, enjoy the days when waking up to little feet in footy pajamas are not dictated by school drop off or pick up, or after school activities. Enjoy the slow mornings with cartoons on and cups of coffee being held with both hands. Enjoy the freedom of having days that are all yours, to do with as you please, with your children by your side.

I enjoyed those days for many, many years, but now that the three boys are in public school (instead of homeschooled) the days are anything but mine. We wake up and it's:
-get dressed
-eat breakfast
-make the bed
-brush the teeth
-do the hair
-unload the dishwasher
-do the cat box
-pack the lunch
-load the backpack
-coats on
-gloves on
-hats on
-boots on
-out the door
-in the car
-off to school.

Whew!

I wouldn't trade it for anything, because my boys love school (oh thank goodness they love school) and I am enjoying the time I get one on one with Carly once we're home from drop off, but I do miss the coziness of mornings spent together, on the couch or in the playroom in Alaska with nothing on the agenda but play dough and trains.

Not everyday can be enjoyed, of course, some days are too challenging to really embrace, but try.  Try to hug today because tomorrow, things will look different.  Your kids, your routine, your life, will change. And before you know it, you'll be looking back wistfully on today, hoping you really enjoyed it.

Love,
A Mama Who Is Just One Step Ahead of You, Looking Back Longingly

*

Leaving Rural Alaska

Josh packed for days and days and days on end.

Our Sleep Number bed, all packed up

The boys' room

Our room

Our bathroom

Our living room

Our dining room

Books for days...
from both Josh's classroom,
and our personal collection.

Our kitchen

The boys' playroom

Marshall, Alaska
The old airport & rock quarry to the left;
The village in the mid-upper left;
The road to the new airport running horizontally across the mid-upper right.
(Photo courtesy of Josh's old coworker)

Picking up Josh for the last time at the airport.
What a relief to be done with that!

And then the boxes started showing up in Washington!

---------------------

Our time in rural Alaska ended in the spring.  Our house there was left empty, our boxes (24 in total) shipped to us.  Josh beat them home by many weeks.  I have wanted to write this post for a while now, but I can't really put into words what our time in Alaska did for us.  It grew us and changed us in irreversible ways.  It was good and hard and wonderful and horrible.  I suffered debilitating anxiety & depression plus two miscarriages while living on the tundra, but I also rejoiced in being a stay-at-home mom, living in a brand new, beautiful house that I got to turn into a home, and was blessed to homeschool our twins for three years while we were there.  I met and loved and cherished more people than I can count from our time in Marshall, people that will forever be etched on our hearts.  Its confusing to say that some of our family's best times were spent in that village, and then in the same breath to say that it was time for us to leave that place, but that's how life is.

Our boys were ready for more, and our family was too.

We will forever look back on our time there fondly.  Attending Saturday Social every weekend, watching our three blue eyed boys play with a gym full of beautiful brown eyed children whom we had grown to love like our own; cozy Saturday nights spent watching movies with our boys, enjoying pizza Josh made from scratch; Friday night date nights, the boys tucked in their beds, Josh and I together on the couch relishing the quiet... So much family bonding, adventuring and learning.  It feels as if it were all a dream.  Kind of a far away time that has taken on a fuzzy quality.

How did we do it? How did we pack and travel and live like that? How did we manage without a hospital or grocery store? I don't know... but we did.  Somehow that way of life became normal and comfortable.  And I am forever indebted to the way we lived there.  Because now? Now I am grateful for the most trivial things: Consistent internet.  Sour cream.  Fresh fruit.  Walking the aisles of the grocery store.  I am grateful also for our backyard more than ever because of our time spent stuck within the four walls of our home in rural Alaska.  My friend Peter said that the best way to become grateful was to experience periods of deprivation followed by periods of abundance... I find this to be incredibly true. Both in terms of things (mainly food), and in terms of people (ie Josh).  I'm so happy to be living with him again after our year apart.  The small things, like him making the bed so I don't have to, or hugging me after a long day with the kids, bring gigantic bursts of joy, whereas before I don't know if they would have even registered.

When we were making the decision to leave Alaska, it was gut wrenching.  We felt confused and emotional and unsure.  The way I know that we made the right decision is that I am totally okay with being normal, cliche, boring now.  I don't care that we bought a house in a subdivision with a good school and that we plan on putting the boys in baseball and boy scouts.  I don't care that I'm a stereotypical stay-at-home mom who drives a minivan and makes cookies  for an after-school snack.  Settling into this new normal feels right.  I don't miss the adventure, the exoticness of that life.  It was a beautiful chapter for our family, one I will remember fondly, but it's a chapter that has closed.  And this new chapter? It's going to be just as great.

***

Currently...

(Jack is SO good with Carly. He even holds her during school!)

Last week I organized homeschool stuff to kind of figure out where we're at and it turns out we will be done by the end of May.  I am so excited for the break.  And pretty pleased that despite several breaks (some for mental health & others for physical health) we will still finish up before June.

Homeschooling since adding #4 to our family has been really challenging.  We are definitely contemplating public school for all three boys next year (third grade for the twins & kindergarten for Wyatt), but a lot of our decision making will depend on where we end up living.  In the meantime, I am determined to finish out the year strong.

Carly has started crying when she needs to sleep.  Not so fun, but it makes her need for a nap obvious.  So I swaddle her and rock furiously until she passes out. I'm hoping this is just a phase!  It makes homeschooling a bit of a challenge if she needs to sleep while I'm teaching.

 We are full on into baseball season.  The twins are on a team together and Wyatt's on a team.  This means we have baseball at least four nights a week, sometimes five nights a week.  Luckily we all enjoy it, and I've made friends with moms on both teams, which makes it more fun for me!

That said, we're all really excited for Josh to get here so he can help out with running kids to games and practice and getting dinner on the table.

 Despite her day-time sleep-fighting, Carly's night sleep is still as awesome as ever. Currently she's sleeping 10:30 to 6:30.  Although last night she was up at 3:00 and ate a little.  But even when she wakes up, it's just to eat and she's right back to sleep.  The only downside to this long sleep is that she nurses a LOT in the morning and a LOT in the evening. But it's totally worth it!

 I have officially lost 15 pounds since starting Shakeology April 4th.  I've also lost 5 inches around my middle! And I'm in a size 14 jeans again!  I do a quick workout each day and drink a shake instead of having breakfast or a morning snack.   In my shake I usually put peanut butter, strawberries & a banana along with almond milk.  Super yummy!  Other than that, I'm just eating healthier and trying to keep my calories down & my activity up.  I feel great and am so happy to be heading in the other direction on the scale.

 Carly got a stuffed bear named Carly Bear from my aunt. Wyatt has taken her on his own and re-named her Elizabeth ("Isn't that a beautiful name, mom?" he asked) and has slept with her every night since Carly got her.  His favorite thing to do is put "Elizabeth" in all of Carly's baby things-- the bouncer, the swing and the car seat. It's so cute.

 ***

We are moving.
Our time in rural Alaska is up.

Here's what moving out of rural Alaska looks like:

{Our Household in its entirety}

{Our Sleep Number Bed, ready to ship}

{The boys' room in our Alaska house}

{Our bedroom in our Alaska house}

Last night Josh wrapped up packing all our earthly possessions into about twenty boxes and totes that will be shipped over the next two weeks.  When he sent me these pictures, I'll be honest. I started crying.  As much as I am ready for our next adventure, I am going to miss that house.  Those memories.  The people.  Seeing the house empty and those boxes stacked up, ready to go, makes it very real to me that we are done there.

I was determined to control the tailspin of emotions that started last night with those pictures, so when I woke up this morning I made plans for a smile-inducing happy morning.  Starting with snuggles from this little cuddle bug.

 Then an early trip to Safeway to get donuts for my crew.

 Good tunes on the radio in our van (which I am still loving!) and a super smiley selfie set us off on the right foot.

And when we got back from getting donuts, I caught this cutie sucking her fingers like my sister used to do.  So precious!

Then I cut myself some fresh lilacs from my mother-in-law's beautiful garden, and got out my first Inspired Readers Book Club read for May. (When I Found You by Catherine Ryan Hyde) I can't wait to start it this afternoon!

 We let the mess be in the boys' room, and enjoyed a lazy morning of cartoons & chocolate milk.

 Then I bathed this little doll and put on one of her summer rompers since it's supposed to be near ninety degrees today!  She smells so fresh & looks adorable!  Hello, baby thighs!

***

I am hopeful this next week (and the one that follows) fly right on by so that Daddy will be here.  I am more than ready to have a hand at dealing with these kiddos and I kinda miss having someone to talk to at night.