Around Here: Week 41 2020

Burning... the new autumnal candle I bought while I was away with Shana last weekend.  It smells divine and brings a certain serenity to our school mornings that might otherwise not be there. (Whatever helps, right?!)

Cleaning house... per usual, on Sunday.  We split the chores into pairs (downstair bathroom + dishwasher; master bathroom + dog poop; and boys bathroom + catbox) so whoever cleans that bathroom Sunday, has that chore the entire following week.  It helps lighten my load and start the week off right with a clean & tidy house.  

I have also started making lists on the blackboard of other chores that need doing so when the boys get in trouble, I automatically have a list of things they can do for me to pay me back.

Laughing... at the picture Wyatt drew of Mt. St. Helens after we watched a special documentary (find it on Disney Plus- Surviving The Mount St. Helens Disaster) on it.  He drew the before (a perfect mountain with a pretty little top) and the after (where he shows it as a bowl, with someone pouring cheerios & milk into it) and says, "World's Largest Cereal Bowl Reward Goes To Mt. St. Helens." Hah!!

Gosh I love this kid!

Enduring... so many migraines. I think it was 5 this week, including one in the middle of the night (weird!) and they just wear.me.out.

Also enduring school with the boys as we head towards one month of this life.  It's strange and not my favorite, but it is starting to feel normal now. And I'm trying really hard to be grateful for the small things that are great. Like not having to get anyone out the door at a specific time; being able to let the kids sleep in when they want to; and the freedom of having my own schedule. We stick to the school one pretty well, but occasionally change things up, and that feels nice. 

Learning... that Carly wants to be a cowboy.  She told Josh on the way home from Grandma's house this week that that's what she wants to be, and she said they can use a lasso and ride horses. 

Shopping... for groceries, all masked up, with the three boys while she was at Grandma's.  They are so helpful now, I want to stop every young mom I see with babies and toddlers fussing or crying and assure her, "It gets better! It gets SO MUCH better!"

Wanting... to remember all of Carly's stuffed animals names.  The colorful one, pictured with her above, she named Lollipops.  She also has Rosie, George, Ramona, Callie, Raindrop, and Margaret (whom she named after Josh's baby sister who died). She is very thoughtful about names and doesn't hesitate to scorn my ideas if she doesn't like them.  She is also partial to the names "Sparkle", "Pearl", "Rainbow" and "Purple", but hasn't permanently named any of her toys that. 

Trying... a Young Living oil diffuser for the first time.  I didn't love the smell- I did lavender and something else I can't remember.  But then I did a citrus blend and I liked that better. I am going to keep experimenting with it, but I joked with my friend that I'm like one quarter granola. I like things a little healthier for my family (especially Wyatt's little lungs) but I'm not three quarters granola like her.  (She's so amazing she makes her own soap!)

Loving... Raffi on Google Music for Carly lately.  It reminds me of when my little brother was her age and we had the tapes of Raffi performing live.  He loved those things!  

Our favorites are:

Down By The Bay

Tingalayo

Baby Beluga

Willoughby Wallaby Woo

Reading... Anxious People by Fredrik Backman and feeling inspired, as always by his books, by the humanity of people.  The book was not as scary as I thought it might be (which was good) but it was still a total page turner. I love how he sees people and our emotions and can bring them to light in his books. Gah. So good!!

I also started reading Anne of the Island, and I just never get tired of Anne's love of beauty and appreciation for everything in the world.  She reminds me to slow down and enjoy whatever season I am in.  For there is beauty to be found in every season if only we look for it. 

Sharing... my reading journal over on my Bookstagram page and feeling excited that I got eleven books read in September, putting me at 86/100 for the year. I think I just might make 100 and it has me so thrilled!!!

Enjoying... what are likely the last flowers of the season.  Josh keeps such a beautiful flower bed (I think his mother is to credit for his green thumb. She's an amazing gardener as well) that it's sad to think this season is over. But I planted a TON of bulbs in the beds a few weeks ago, and I have those buds to look forward to come spring. 

Laughing... at this picture Carly got of me while I was getting her out of the car in our garage. I look goofy, but also, so happy, and really, I imagine that's the me she mostly sees. I miss her when she's gone, I light up when she enters the room, and I am always glad to listen to her talk or read her a story.  I just feel so lucky she is ours. 

Reminiscing... about that time we lived in rural Alaska.  We were there roughly five years, in the village of Marshall, although the kids and I spent some of that time in Vancouver (Washington) on either end, when Wyatt was a baby in 2011, and again when Carly was born in 2016. 

This picture, taken by a girl Josh knew from the school, Anisa, and it shows just how remote our village was.  The large river on the right is the Yukon, and the smaller waterways are sloughs that lead to the river. On the upper left of the village, the large building, is the school, and behind it was teacher housing. 

In Marshall there were three churches, the school, the town dump, a post office and what we called the co-op, which was like a glorified gas station.  That was where we could get fresh produce sometimes and treats (like a 12-pack of Coca Cola for $15 or a bag of Doritos for $9.)

Sometimes that time in my life feels like a dream. I look back and can't believe I was brave enough to do it. But then I remember how strong my desire was to be a stay-at-home mom and I can see how it was an easy decision to make.

But I will say that looking back sure makes me grateful to be a stay-at-home mom now, in a city, with a hospital and a grocery store. Where there is always sour cream, eggs and tomatoes. I don't know if I will ever take those things for granted again. 

 ***

Struggling

Josh and I have spent every evening this week Face Timing and deciding what to keep and what to get rid of as he works to wrap up five years of living in Marshall.  That's right.  Our adventure in rural Alaska is over.  

Now we are on to the difficult tasks of: finding a job elsewhere and downsizing all our earthly belongings into the number of blue Rubbermaid totes we have in our laundry room in Marshall.  

Last night as we sat sorting through the boys' homeschool stuff, Josh in our dining room in Alaska, me in my in-law's upstairs office-turned-bedroom in Washington nursing Carly, I burst into tears.  This is hard.  It's hard being away from him.  It's hard "packing" while I'm not there.  It's hard to have someone else (even if it's your beloved husband) sort through things for you.  It's hard to make the decisions I'm having to make.  

But just when I was feeling really down about the whole thing, I thought how lucky I am, really, that I am here and he is there.  Because if I was there, I'd have been doing the sorting & packing all myself instead of holding our sweet baby daughter.  If I was there, we'd have to take into account what the kids and myself would need to use/play with for the next three months.  Since it's just Josh there, he can sort and sell and pack whatever he wants cause we're not there to need it.  These are the silver linings I'm clinging to.

I'm not the only one struggling and wishing for this school year to be over.  Last night Wyatt wandered into my room around 10pm, tears in his eyes, looking for a lap to climb into.  I shifted little sister to one side and hugged them both tight while we all cried a bit.  He's just "sad dad's not here" he says.  That's all.  And there's nothing I can do to fix it. So I hug him.  And I cry with him.  And I tell him that I agree... It stinks.

We're on the downhill slide-- he'll be home for a visit soon and then we only have two months more... but honestly it feels like it'll be forever till we're living together again.  And if it feels like forever to me... I can't imagine how it feels for Wyatt or his brothers.  

I guess I keep expecting it to hurt less, for me to miss him less, for it to suck less... but it doesn't.  I haven't gotten used to being without him.  I still hate it.  And that makes each day feel particularly long.

I'd appreciate your prayers and words of encouragement as we push through this last bit of time being apart.  Not knowing what the future holds for our family is stressful; and days like yesterday & today, being apart feels simply unbearable.  

Bush Alaska: Four Years Later

{May 2015}

{January 2012}

I thought it would be fun, after having Leah take this picture of us in Marshall, to compare it to our family coming to Marshall four years ago.  I would say we've all changed.  The twins have grown, as has Wyatt.  They've learned to read, and he's learned to talk.  Josh has gotten his master's degree and invaluable experience teaching out in the bush.  I have settled into my stay-at-home mom/homeschooling role, as well as struggled through the heartache of two miscarriages and dealt with anxiety & depression at times.  I believe we have all emerged from this year stronger & with more faith in God. 

Our goal was always five years, and when Josh signed that contract for next school year, we kind of couldn't believe it was our fifth year already!  Time truly flies right on by!  I can't wait to see what the future holds.

***

Our Last Few Days In Marshall

The last few days in Marshall were, as they always are, bittersweet.  With the weather lovely enough to play outside, and the tundra turning from brown to green, it seems we are leaving just when it's getting good.  We enjoyed the spring carnival during the last week, as well as an award assembly and community feed at the school.  But to balance all the goodness, we had some hard goodbyes.  

I know I talk a lot about goodbyes, but truly unless you live this lifestyle (as my friend Ann put it) you can't grasp just how important these people become to you.  When you are so isolated, they become your family.  Need some sugar? Salsa? A can of olives? These are your girls.  We have loved, laughed and cried through the last three years together, and Krista & I are both heartbroken to see Leah go.  But, we joked, we love her enough to wish her well in her next adventure, not curse her for leaving us!

I am so thankful that our last few days together were so wonderful and that we leave each other knowing that in the world we each have at least two other solid friends who would move mountains for us if we needed them to.

***

Marshall Flight

The morning we left Alaska for Washington was gorgeous.  Our flight from Marshall to Bethel in particular was beautiful.  We were thankful to get a caravan (which seats 9) instead of a 207 (which seats 5).  A caravan is more spacious, faster and has more room for baggage.  ... And let's be honest-- we come with a lot of baggage!

We used to travel with 8 pieces of luggage, but now that we have to pay for Wyatt's seat (because he's over two years old... sad face!) we can bring 10.  And we always maximize our luggage.  This year we had one tote, a gun case, and eight traditional bags. (Plus car seats, but those travel free and don't count against your total.)  Since we are Alaska residents, with Alaska Airlines we are part of Club 49, and get 2 checked bags free.  (Within the state of Alaska, you can get 3 checked bags free!)  This saves us a ton of money and keeps us from having to ship too much home for summer.

Wyatt sat all by himself for the first time ever and was incredibly brave.  It helped that the flight was really smooth.  The twins also did really well, although Logan asked maybe ten times if we were there yet, and it's only a half hour flight!

Our best good friend Leah was also on that flight and our next flight, and having the extra set of hands was so helpful as we unloaded and checked in for our next leg of the trip.

***

This Week {Home for Summer!}

Lots of finishing around here this week:

Finished that 700 piece puzzle I was working on in Marshall.

Finished packing for our trip home.  Summer break for us started on Friday.

Finished traveling.  Three kids, four planes, fourteen hours, done.  Phew!

Finished moving in-- luggage is all in it's place, and slowly we're settling in.

Finished unloading the storage unit.  We're so happy to be reunited with so many of our things.

Saying goodbye to my beloved friends Leah & Krista.  I would have posted the picture Josh took of the three of us, but we're all bawling in it.  Those girls (along with Karen) were my lifeline this year in Marshall, and I am so grateful to have had them.

Proud of my amazing travelers.  The twins had such good manners with the flight attendants, and I am pleased to announce that Wyatt is no longer afraid of planes.  He rode in his own seat on all four flights, and was such a trouper.

Surprised by my sister & sister-in-law's presence at the airport.  My sister was supposed to be gone camping for Memorial Day weekend, and my sister-in-law had plans to see Phantom of the Opera.  Roxanne decided to leave for camping the next day, and Julie came when Phantom was over. I felt so spoiled to have all the people I love there.

Bummed I didn't get more pictures of it.  The reunion was truly one for the books.  I decided to be in the moment instead of capturing it, and while I'm sad there aren't pictures, I know I will forever remember hugging my mom and sister after nine hard months apart. Tears, oh the tears... I am just so happy to be home!

Grateful for my in-laws for letting us stay with them.  Yesterday I took Wyatt to the store (an adventure that deserves it's own blog post) and it was so nice to pick up a few things here & there instead of having to figure out how to create an entire household as we have the last two summers staying in rentals.

Enjoying Wyatt taking it all in.  You guys.  Seeing the magic of the city through his eyes is pure joy.  Automatic doors, toilets & paper towel dispensers are akin to meeting Tinkerbell face to face.  Fairy dust everywhere.  And when I put him in a grocery cart-- I wish someone had been recording it. He didn't know what to do with his feet, so we kept spinning the cart in a circle as I hefted him up and he struggled to get situated. It was hilarious.  And at the airport the tile had sparkles in it, and he asked the lady, "Why is your floor so sparkly?"  I guess the village's dusty floors didn't do it for him.

At Panda Express he said that was a funny name for a restaurant and he would have named it "Spug".  I'm not sure what that means, but he was so serious.  And watching the lady ring up our purchases at Walmart, I don't think he could have been any closer to her.  Wide eyed, watching as she scanned each barcode with the resulting "ding!" sound.  She thought he was waiting for a toy or something on the conveyor.  Nope. He was just fascinated with her job.

And his feelings on the carseat? Not good.  "I hate wearing my seatbelt.  It gets me so stuck!"  That's the idea, buddy.  Sorry.

Being patient and available to Wyatt who did great while traveling, but is velcroed to my side since then. Yesterday he had a few meltdowns for no good reason.  I think he just needed to get his emotions out and be held for a bit. I did not mind in the least.  Today he seems better, having had a full nights' sleep.  I hope he continues to adjust and soon feels as comfortable here as he did in Alaska.

Loving cousin time for the boys.  And I got to meet my new niece Liesel.  She's a blue eyed beauty and so precious!

Looking forward to seeing more family & friends as time goes on.  Particularly my grandparents.  I have missed them like crazy this year.

***

Happy Memorial Day!