Around Here: Week 18 {2018}

Do you spy those big boys riding off to school?

Photo of my favorite ring by Carly ;)

New roof, new fence, now she just needs a paint job! 

Sending... Wyatt back to school (finally!) after missing nearly two weeks for this last bout of asthma following a terrible cold.  He was so happy to be back in class.  I am so glad he loves school.  But boy did Carly and I miss him when he went back!

Gushing... with pride for Wyatt as he rode to school (and home again too) with his big brothers three times this week when I was sick.  Suddenly he is such a big boy with a strong desire for independence and I couldn't be happier about it. 

Watching... Jack and Logan and Wyatt play baseball.  I love watching them so much.  I especially love watching the twins since Josh is their assistant coach.  Seeing them work together with their dad makes my heart happy.  And Jack's been doing an amazing job pitching.  He's got such a strong arm!

Counting... down the days to summer with Wyatt's classroom.  They're using the alphabet, and the first day was stuffed Animals, so Wyatt got to bring his bear to school with him.  He was so excited!

Enjoying... the new (to us) beanbag that Josh's sister Laura gave us.  The kids adore that thing. They are reading in it, cuddling with the cats in it, watching TV in it, and the other day I came out to find Josh and Carly snuggled up on it.  So fun!

Loving... the white picket fence Josh completed last weekend for the front and side yard.  It was a childhood dream of mine to have a white picket fence.  It is so adorable and has increased our curb appeal tenfold.  With the new roof and the new fence, all that's left to do is paint.  I can't wait!

Suffering... with my anxiety (still...) in addition to the worst cold I've had in years.  So it's been a week of self care (read: naps and rest) and doing the bare minimum in hopes of getting better.  If I hadn't been sick (runny nose, sore throat, cough) I think my anxiety would be on an upswing, so I am hopeful next week I will see a big improvement.  I upped my prozac from 20mg to 40mg, so that should help as well.  And I did notice a big difference in how much I was thinking about health anxiety- it was a lot less this week!  So things are moving in the right direction.

Reading... nothing.  I know that my anxiety is high when I can't get into a book.  I haven't read (or listened to) anything lately.  Hoping to change that soon.

Watching... Teen Mom 2 instead of reading.  It's my guilty pleasure. ;)

Rejoicing... that my Grandpa Jerry's bladder cancer wasn't as bad as the doctor originally thought and he won't have to seek any kind of intensive treatment.  It's a huge answer to prayer and a big weight lifted off my mind.  We've been praying for months for it.  What a miracle. 

"Happiness is the joy we feel 

as we strive toward our potential."

-Shawn Achor

Recognizing... three huge things I am doing that I wasn't giving myself appropriate credit for. 

One is clean eating- I am avoiding sugar and highly processed foods for both myself and our family, which is so awesome, and such a change from last year.  As a family, we have lost 76 pounds since January.  We are reducing our kids' risks for diabetes and increasing their health simply by reducing the amount of sugar they are intaking at home.  I am hoping to write a post about some of the simple changes we have made that have made a huge a difference very soon.

The other is that I have not been yelling at the kids or swearing, for basically all of April and May so far.  I've spent years (literally since 2013, I think) trying to give up yelling and swearing.  And now that I've done it, I haven't given myself any credit for the effort that went into quitting, I just jumped right into the next thing I want to work on. Why do we do that to ourselves?

And lastly, I am meditating and it's having a big impact on how I feel inside my own skin.  I meditated everyday this week using the Calm app (I highly recommend it!) and twice when I started to panic, I reminded myself to breathe and was able to talk myself down. Huge progress!

So I want to remind you, fellow mama's to take a minute and look at what you've done! Tell yourself you're awesome!  Celebrate what you've accomplished.  You deserve the recognition.

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Around Here: Week Eleven {2018}

I love when I catch them doing twin things like this.

Photo Credit: Logan Cunningham

The twins swapped glasses with my Grandpa

They thought it was pretty funny!

Surviving... a weekend without Josh as he was out of town helping his parents lay new flooring in their house as they prepare to sell it.  Come spring they are headed this way and we can't wait to have them here.  The boys are so excited for Grandma & Papa to be near, and so am I!

Staying... busy while Josh was gone with a trip to the library, the grocery store, and letting the twins have a friend over for movie night.  It felt good to get out of the house, get the grocery shopping done, and to let their sweet neighbor-friend join us for movie night.  They chose Home Alone for movie night, which is a total Cunningham family favorite.  I will never tire of listening to Jack laugh at that movie's shenanigans.  Just hearing him laugh at it makes me laugh.

Sneaking... away for a visit to my sister and her kids on Sunday.  We lucked out with gorgeous weather and were able to have a picnic for lunch and let the kids play at the park.  Then we took a walk and were able to let the kids throw rocks in the water.  They loved it, perhaps Carly most of all.

Enjoying...  a surprise visit from my grandparents this week that came up toward the end of last week.  I was so happy to see them and share time with them and my kids.  We played games, enjoyed Carly, walked the boys to school and even got to go out to lunch just us adults (plus Carly) while the boys were at school one day since Josh had an appointment that day.  I love my grandparents- they have always been really involved in my life- and spending time with them and my kids is my absolute favorite.  Hearing the twins laugh with my grandpa, watching my grandma delight in my girl and do puzzles with Wyatt, just warms my heart.

Running... behind all week thanks to my super fun weekend, missing husband and our beginning of the week out-of-town guests.  Obviously, I wouldn't change a thing, but man alive, if the laundry could just fold itself that would sure be helpful, amiright?!? ;)

Teaching... more hours with VIPkid in hopes of saving up some money to help pay for the new roof we need.  With Chinese New Year over, my bookings are up and I'm teaching three classes most days, which is really good news.  (I teach Monday/Wednesday/Friday mornings 4-6:30am & Saturday evenings 8-10pm) It's nice, now that I'm about five months in, that I'm much less nervous each day.  I really enjoy the students and find myself smiling through each lesson. I am hopeful that my bookings will continue to increase and that soon I will have classes during every open open time slot!  (If teaching VIPkid sounds like something you would like you to do, you only need a bachelors degree- it doesn't have to be in education- and I'd love to walk you through the interview process.  Here's the link for applying: VIPkid Please let me know if you have any questions!)

Reading... The Nightingale and finishing it. Boy, was it a good book.  Like, take a deep breath and don't cry cause it's over, good.  I also finished Option B (on audio) and I am waiting for the library to check out The Untethered Soul (also on audio) to me again. I am up to five books this month already!
Today I've started Station Eleven on audio (so engrossing!) and The Immortalists (also so engrossing!) for book club.  It's exciting to be reading so many good books in a row!  I'm loving it!

Breaking... my no-yelling streak twice this month as Logan has broken both of his two pair of glasses and so many rules.  I'm not sure what's going on there, but it's been a rough couple weeks.  I told him we both have some things to work on (him: listening and me: not yelling) but that we're lucky because each day is a new chance.  So far, I've been able to keep my cool since losing it the second time, but he is still struggling.  I am hopeful the change in weather and more time outside is what he needs to turn it around.  In the meantime, he is blind as we await his glasses being repaired.  Thankfully they should be back to us in less than a week.
I was also starting to notice an "it's not my fault" response with Logan in an effort to get himself out of trouble and I was freaking out about it, worrying I was going to raise a human who couldn't take responsibility for his own actions.  My sister sent me some articles from Aha parenting about teaching kids to take responsibility- and they were full of so much brilliant advice. My main takeaways:

• Hold him accountable but don't bother trying to convince him.  
• Let the consequences teach responsibility for me.
• Keep my cool so that he can focus on his reaction instead of mine.
• Warn once, then give consequence to show choices have consequences.

Overall, I am going to just watch closely over the next few weeks to make sure he isn't claiming things aren't his fault, and if he does, I'm going to make sure to hold him responsible for those things that were his doing.  I am also going to show him things I have done that had consequences, so he can learn from my example.  (For instance, apologizing when I make a mistake; doing something I had forgotten to do; admitting when I do something wrong.)  

Loving... how much Carly loves her trike & bath time.  She says all the time, "I ride my bicycle?"  I don't know where she got the word "bicycle", but that's what she calls it and it's just adorable.  She also loves bath time.  Any time she hears water running in the house, she says,
"Umm, can I have a bath?" She likes bubbles and playing Paw Patrol in the tub. She hates having her hair washed and getting water in her eyes.  

Taking... all the Carly snuggles I can get.  She's been super sweet lately, telling me when she's sad that she needs snuggles on the couch.  So we get her very favorite bubba Chase and her very favorite taggie (feather taggie) and snuggle up together.  She also gives snuggles out freely to everyone else in the house.  Josh often gets morning snuggles before he leaves for work, and in an effort to put off bedtime she gives each brother at least two snuggles apiece.  (Smart girl!)

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I'M NOT YELLING!!!

(This post was started about two weeks ago):

I went an entire week without yelling, you guys! (Actually, even more than that. It's been like nine days!) The funny thing is, I wasn't even that focused on it. Like I didn't stop each morning and think, "Don't be a crazy beast, today, okay mama?"

Ha!

I have been, however, much more aware of my time constraints and what I want to get done. So I've been writing a lot of lists and prioritizing ruthlessly.  And my priorities have been: get the Christmas cards/shopping done; spend time with the kids; keep the house running smoothly.  Anything that fell outside of those three goals was pushed to the wayside and will wait for January.

I have read so much on Not Yelling, that I can't remember what tips came from where, but one of the tips I came across was to spend at least a week watching when & why you yell before you start changing things.  That way you can try to problem solve some of the causes, and can know at what point you are most likely to lose it.  It's also important to know why you want to quit yelling.

So here are the basics: 

Yelling makes me feel shitty about myself. 

I am the one making me yell.  I relinquish control when I yell.

I want to quit yelling because:

a) I want to feel like a good mom

b) I want to model self control for my children.

What makes me yell?

• Wasting my time or running late
• Wasting money (the kids being wasteful or careless)
• The boys fighting (hitting or being unkind)
• Feeling out of control (particularly when the house is a giant mess)

I have noticed that I yell the most on Sundays. How weird is that? I assume it's because I am preparing for a big week ahead, and we clean house on Sunday. So stress is a big factor.

In terms of time of day, I yell most in the mornings on our way out the door or when they fight (particularly when I'm in the shower).

I have also noticed I do not yell in public. Only at home.  

Many times I'm yelling because I have unreasonable expectations, or because the expectations I have are unclear.  Solving the unclear expectations was easy- I just made sure I told the kids what I expected.  

Adjusting my expectations to be more realistic was much harder.  I honestly feel like my kids should be able to get along for six minutes while I shower and ten more minutes while I do my hair & makeup.  But they have proven time and again that they cannot.  

"Should" is a dangerous word when it comes to parenting, and if you find yourself using it, proceed with caution. I decided to let go of that expectation, and now I only shower twice during the school week, and use dry shampoo the other days.  This minimizes the amount of time they are left to their own devices, and makes for much smoother mornings.  I also introduced a half hour of TV time on the days I do shower.  We used to adhere to a strict "no screens" rule during the school week, but for my sanity, I have added that little bit of TV time so I can shower and get ready in peace.

My point in telling you all of this?

DO WHATEVER IT TAKES!  It's okay to bend (or completely change!) the rules so that what you're doing works for you.  That half hour of TV time makes all the difference on the mornings I shower.  I also make sure that I eat every day before school drop off so I'm not hangry (hungry+angry).  Make sure you take care of you so you can better take care of them.

Something Ralphie (from Simply on Purpose) says is to try looking for the good.  Whatever you look for, you will see.  So I've been trying to really stop and relish (or even praise) the behavior I see that thrills me as a mom.  (A good spelling test, a kindness for their sibling, random hugs...)

The last thing I've been doing is watching the stories I tell myself about the situation (thank you, Eckhart Tolle!), meaning when Logan doesn't want to vacuum, it doesn't mean he is a lazy human who will live on my couch until he's 42.  When Wyatt is whining about putting his laundry away, it doesn't mean he will be an unruly, ungrateful teenager.  In that same vein, I need to stay in this moment.  Don't look forward, don't project, just do the next right thing in my current situation, and that will get me all the way through this crazy adventure we call parenting. 

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Around Here: Week 50

Giving... the boys haircuts, which made Logan cry.  He really wanted to keep his long hair, but he had been unable to keep his scalp healthy with that full head of hair, so he got a short short haircut.  I felt awful not letting him decide what he wanted, but I know it's what his head needed while we work on teaching him the proper way to scrub his head and get himself fully clean. #bigkidproblems

Getting... sick after what has been a pretty stressful couple of weeks.  I did the neti-pot yesterday and it required lamaze breathing, it hurt so bad in my forehead.  I am hopeful that lots of liquids and plenty of rest will keep me from being sick too long.

Clenching... my jaw (I think from stress, but maybe from bad dental work) and suffering migraines and constant mouth pain because of it.  I go to the dentist next week and can't wait to discuss the issue with him and come up with a treatment plan.  It's making me miserable.

Catching... up around here after three weeks of sick kids, plus being gone last week for Wyatt's hospitalization.  I am good on the house, and nearly where I need to be for Christmas prep, so I'm feeling optimistic.

Finally... sending out Christmas cards!  I made myself sit down on Friday during nap time and completely wrap up Christmas cards.  I've had them since before Thanksgiving, I believe, and it's been a long process (stop and go, stop and go) getting everyone's current addresses and labeling them.  So it feels awesome to be done!

Grateful... for Wyatt's total health this week.  He's blowing 225-250 on his peak flow meter, compared with 100-125 when we got home from the hospital.  I am also grateful for Carly's health.  She took a terrible fall at Wyatt's foot doctor appointment, after which her eyes rolled back in her head and she nearly vomited.  We saw her doctor that morning and he said she definitely had a concussion and her brain would need a break (no screens, no loud noises or bright lights) to heal up.

Breaking... the news to Wyatt that he will be wearing his boot for another month.  The doctor is not satisfied with his healing and is worried that one of the bones he broke could die off, so we're giving it another four weeks.  Unrelated, Wyatt will also be starting physical therapy to work on his achilles tendons, which are too tight and are impacting his ability to run and be active.  I am anxious to see if they improve the pain he often complains of when walking or riding his scooter to school.

Loving... how Wyatt HATES kisses, but he lets Carly kiss him every time she wants to.  I am also loving how affectionate he has been since we went through what we went through together in Spokane.  He's not the only snuggly little Cunningham.  Carly, too, will often come up and hug me for no reason, or yell, "I love YOU!" at me for no reason.  It melts my mama heart.

Succeeding... at not yelling at the kids for a whole week.  It feels so amazing to be in control of myself, and to be treating my kids like humans, no matter how annoying they're being. ;) I attribute this week's success to three things:

1) being ready before them 3 days a week.  Because I am teaching with VIPkid earrrrly morning on Mondays, Wednesdays & Fridays, I am up and dressed and ready when they wake up on those days.  So only twice a week am I facing the stress of showering while all four kids are awake.
2) Doing my Five Minute Journal, which helps me reflect on what makes for a good (or better) day and what I can change to make it happen.
3) Planning ahead- I've been taking a minute each night to look at what will be necessary the following morning before we leave for school so there are fewer surprises. ("I need a spelling pre-test!" "I forgot to have you wash my PE clothes!" "My homework is due today!")

Reading... board books to Carly, and not much else. Sad day!  I did start Black Beauty with the boys at bedtime, and they are liking it so far.  At least I'm reading to the kids.  I am hopeful that since I'm done with Christmas cards and shopping, I'll finally be able to start my Winter Street series by Elin Hilderbrand. I'll keep you posted!

Working... super hard with the twins to make up for missing (or crappy) work on their progress reports.  It was a long week, with lots of extra writing and revising, but they both felt really good about the amount of effort they put in, and their teachers were satisfied as well.  Now to just get them to work that hard all the time, so we're not playing catch up later!

Enjoying... the magic of our elf on the shelf, and all that is holiday joy.  All three boys love waking up in the morning to see what Dashy has been up to in the night.  He has hung our underwear on the tree, brought cookies for the kids to take in their lunches and even decorated their bedroom with twinkle lights while they were at school yesterday.  They all really believe in him, and I'm so grateful they haven't stopped believing yet.
After we dropped the twins at a playdate yesterday, Wyatt and I drove around in the dark, checking out Christmas lights, and as we turned onto our street he said wistfully, "We sure do live in a nice neighborhood.  It's just full of holiday spirit."

Watching... The Big Sick for date night and really enjoying it, despite the medical setting.  I will admit that when it was over, I had a big cry (spoiler alert: the girl gets intubated for a lung infection) in Josh's arms about what happened with Wyatt (which was so similar), but I think I really needed that emotional release.  I posted some pictures of Wyatt's illness as well as some information I learned about what he went through on Facebook.  Basically what he had was called Status Asthmaticus, which is asthma that is unresponsive to treatment.  It can absolutely be life threatening, and because of that, he has been placed on a preventative asthma regimen that will continue for the next year, in hopes of avoiding a repeat of that scary day in the ER.

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