Word of the Year: Measure

While contemplating what I wanted from 2018, I did a lot of thinking and list making. I read this quote by Tyler Knott Gregson and knew that he was spot on.  I want to give more.  I want to empty my heart everyday.  Into my friends, into my husband, into my children.  And I want to believe there is always enough time to become who I am meant to be. 

With those things in mind, I began contemplating what word I wanted to choose as my theme for 2018.  Last night it came to me.

The word is "measure" and I have to give Gretchen Rubin full credit for this being my word for the year. In her book, Better Than Before (which is a brilliant book to read if you are making lots of new years resolutions) she says that "We only manage what we measure".  I have seen the last few months how true this is.  When I started keeping track of my "not yelling" with stickers on the calendar in our kitchen, I suddenly became very motivated to see seven in a row.  I wanted a little smiley face on each day of the month.

It was with this in mind that I compiled my list of things I want to do (a few new goals, mixed with some of my 100 small things list that remains).  I am very excited to see what 2018 will hold for me!

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I have broken up my goals for the new year into different sections, using "measure" as the theme for each.  (see below)

We only manage what we measure:

• Change our eating (following a semi-paleo diet), writing it all down!
• try a new shrimp recipe
• try a new fish recipe
• Move my body (working out 3x/week)
• get a bike for me
• get a bike for Josh
• buy family pool pass
• hike with my dad
• kayak with my mom
• try some yoga
• do 20 pushups/day
• write out some body positivity mantras
• walk to school as much as possible

Albert Einstein said, "The measure of intelligence is the ability to change." And I want to be intelligent.  Therefore, I must prove to myself my ability to change.  Josh and I have talked for a while about changing our eating habits (for ourselves and our children) and this is the year we're going to do it. Personally, I am going to be making sure I exercise 3x/week.  I was successful in August, September & October, but the cold in November & December got the best of me. I'm determined for January to be better.

*****

How do you measure success?

• Not yelling or swearing at my kids
• add more hugs & snuggling
• be present
• Reaching out to/being there for friends
• call!
• write!
• send mail!
• plan small group get together
• movies with my sister
• keep track of birthdays/anniversaries this year

I measure success not in a clean house or a fancy car or a skinny body, but in loving those around me and being there for them.  One way I can be there for my kids is by being an example of a calm, loving adult (aka: one who doesn't swear or yell) and one way I can be there for my friends is by reaching out when I think of them, and being there for them when they need me. 

*****

Don't worry if you don't measure up:

• Less Facebook, Instagram (phone lives on the counter, 2 check times/day)
• Screen-free weekdays for my kids
• 1 screen-free weekday for myself
• try media-free mornings for me
• Decrease TV consumption & increase reading 
• Read 52 books again this year (one per week)
• check in monthly with Inspired Readers
• read random books with my kids!

The more time I spend with screens- watching TV, scrolling Facebook and Instagram- the more poorly I start to feel about myself and my status in life.  Despite the blessings around me, if I get more invested in my "online" life or friends than I am in my real life, I start to lose perspective.  So I am going to try and treat my cell phone like a house phone.  Let it live on the kitchen counter, out of sight & out of mind, so I can get more "life" lived (or at least more books read!) ha!

*****

How will I measure my life?

• Slow, purposeful bedtimes with the kids
• read 10 chapter books with the boys this year
• continue journaling back & forth with Jack
• celebrate Mother's Day for those around us
• celebrate Father's Day for those around us
• visit the library 1x/month
• do a monthly 'crafternoon' for the kids
• rotate consistently who helps with dinner
• continue family grooming day Sundays (cut nails, haircuts, etc.)
• cousin playdate with the Tucker's 

Time with loved ones is, in the end, all that will matter.  I want my daily life to show that.  I want to make this ordinary life special, by celebrating the little things, by carrying out traditions and being deliberate in where we spend our time.  

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Loved Beyond Measure:

• record my kids' lives (on the blog & in person)
• create a family photo book
• figure out a memorabilia system for the kids
• blog 3x weekly
• Do "a week in the life" post
• Introduce "Alaska Living" page
• Month-long blog writing challenge
• Share favorite kid books
• Finish my blog story
• Share how we do chores
• Empty dashboard of drafts (all.of.them!) by August 2018
• 100 small things quarterly update
• take care of myself, too!
• Go To Bed!!! (Why is this so hard!?!)
• meditate
• read Happier At Home
• reorganize the desk
• reorganize the office (...again...)
• write inspirational quotes to hang around the house
• watch 3 documentaries
• write out prayers to rid myself of anxiety
• write one chapter of my novel each month

I want my family to know in the future that they have been loved beyond measure.  For me that means better record keeping, more blogging and more memory books.  But my kids aren't the only ones I want "feeling the love"-- I also want to take care of myself!  Because what they say is true: "If mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy!" It really isn't selfish to prioritize my needs.  When I am happier, our whole house is happier, and tends to run more smoothly.

And to remember always that I am blessed beyond measure!

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I'M NOT YELLING!!!

(This post was started about two weeks ago):

I went an entire week without yelling, you guys! (Actually, even more than that. It's been like nine days!) The funny thing is, I wasn't even that focused on it. Like I didn't stop each morning and think, "Don't be a crazy beast, today, okay mama?"

Ha!

I have been, however, much more aware of my time constraints and what I want to get done. So I've been writing a lot of lists and prioritizing ruthlessly.  And my priorities have been: get the Christmas cards/shopping done; spend time with the kids; keep the house running smoothly.  Anything that fell outside of those three goals was pushed to the wayside and will wait for January.

I have read so much on Not Yelling, that I can't remember what tips came from where, but one of the tips I came across was to spend at least a week watching when & why you yell before you start changing things.  That way you can try to problem solve some of the causes, and can know at what point you are most likely to lose it.  It's also important to know why you want to quit yelling.

So here are the basics: 

Yelling makes me feel shitty about myself. 

I am the one making me yell.  I relinquish control when I yell.

I want to quit yelling because:

a) I want to feel like a good mom

b) I want to model self control for my children.

What makes me yell?

• Wasting my time or running late
• Wasting money (the kids being wasteful or careless)
• The boys fighting (hitting or being unkind)
• Feeling out of control (particularly when the house is a giant mess)

I have noticed that I yell the most on Sundays. How weird is that? I assume it's because I am preparing for a big week ahead, and we clean house on Sunday. So stress is a big factor.

In terms of time of day, I yell most in the mornings on our way out the door or when they fight (particularly when I'm in the shower).

I have also noticed I do not yell in public. Only at home.  

Many times I'm yelling because I have unreasonable expectations, or because the expectations I have are unclear.  Solving the unclear expectations was easy- I just made sure I told the kids what I expected.  

Adjusting my expectations to be more realistic was much harder.  I honestly feel like my kids should be able to get along for six minutes while I shower and ten more minutes while I do my hair & makeup.  But they have proven time and again that they cannot.  

"Should" is a dangerous word when it comes to parenting, and if you find yourself using it, proceed with caution. I decided to let go of that expectation, and now I only shower twice during the school week, and use dry shampoo the other days.  This minimizes the amount of time they are left to their own devices, and makes for much smoother mornings.  I also introduced a half hour of TV time on the days I do shower.  We used to adhere to a strict "no screens" rule during the school week, but for my sanity, I have added that little bit of TV time so I can shower and get ready in peace.

My point in telling you all of this?

DO WHATEVER IT TAKES!  It's okay to bend (or completely change!) the rules so that what you're doing works for you.  That half hour of TV time makes all the difference on the mornings I shower.  I also make sure that I eat every day before school drop off so I'm not hangry (hungry+angry).  Make sure you take care of you so you can better take care of them.

Something Ralphie (from Simply on Purpose) says is to try looking for the good.  Whatever you look for, you will see.  So I've been trying to really stop and relish (or even praise) the behavior I see that thrills me as a mom.  (A good spelling test, a kindness for their sibling, random hugs...)

The last thing I've been doing is watching the stories I tell myself about the situation (thank you, Eckhart Tolle!), meaning when Logan doesn't want to vacuum, it doesn't mean he is a lazy human who will live on my couch until he's 42.  When Wyatt is whining about putting his laundry away, it doesn't mean he will be an unruly, ungrateful teenager.  In that same vein, I need to stay in this moment.  Don't look forward, don't project, just do the next right thing in my current situation, and that will get me all the way through this crazy adventure we call parenting. 

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Around Here: Week 50

Giving... the boys haircuts, which made Logan cry.  He really wanted to keep his long hair, but he had been unable to keep his scalp healthy with that full head of hair, so he got a short short haircut.  I felt awful not letting him decide what he wanted, but I know it's what his head needed while we work on teaching him the proper way to scrub his head and get himself fully clean. #bigkidproblems

Getting... sick after what has been a pretty stressful couple of weeks.  I did the neti-pot yesterday and it required lamaze breathing, it hurt so bad in my forehead.  I am hopeful that lots of liquids and plenty of rest will keep me from being sick too long.

Clenching... my jaw (I think from stress, but maybe from bad dental work) and suffering migraines and constant mouth pain because of it.  I go to the dentist next week and can't wait to discuss the issue with him and come up with a treatment plan.  It's making me miserable.

Catching... up around here after three weeks of sick kids, plus being gone last week for Wyatt's hospitalization.  I am good on the house, and nearly where I need to be for Christmas prep, so I'm feeling optimistic.

Finally... sending out Christmas cards!  I made myself sit down on Friday during nap time and completely wrap up Christmas cards.  I've had them since before Thanksgiving, I believe, and it's been a long process (stop and go, stop and go) getting everyone's current addresses and labeling them.  So it feels awesome to be done!

Grateful... for Wyatt's total health this week.  He's blowing 225-250 on his peak flow meter, compared with 100-125 when we got home from the hospital.  I am also grateful for Carly's health.  She took a terrible fall at Wyatt's foot doctor appointment, after which her eyes rolled back in her head and she nearly vomited.  We saw her doctor that morning and he said she definitely had a concussion and her brain would need a break (no screens, no loud noises or bright lights) to heal up.

Breaking... the news to Wyatt that he will be wearing his boot for another month.  The doctor is not satisfied with his healing and is worried that one of the bones he broke could die off, so we're giving it another four weeks.  Unrelated, Wyatt will also be starting physical therapy to work on his achilles tendons, which are too tight and are impacting his ability to run and be active.  I am anxious to see if they improve the pain he often complains of when walking or riding his scooter to school.

Loving... how Wyatt HATES kisses, but he lets Carly kiss him every time she wants to.  I am also loving how affectionate he has been since we went through what we went through together in Spokane.  He's not the only snuggly little Cunningham.  Carly, too, will often come up and hug me for no reason, or yell, "I love YOU!" at me for no reason.  It melts my mama heart.

Succeeding... at not yelling at the kids for a whole week.  It feels so amazing to be in control of myself, and to be treating my kids like humans, no matter how annoying they're being. ;) I attribute this week's success to three things:

1) being ready before them 3 days a week.  Because I am teaching with VIPkid earrrrly morning on Mondays, Wednesdays & Fridays, I am up and dressed and ready when they wake up on those days.  So only twice a week am I facing the stress of showering while all four kids are awake.
2) Doing my Five Minute Journal, which helps me reflect on what makes for a good (or better) day and what I can change to make it happen.
3) Planning ahead- I've been taking a minute each night to look at what will be necessary the following morning before we leave for school so there are fewer surprises. ("I need a spelling pre-test!" "I forgot to have you wash my PE clothes!" "My homework is due today!")

Reading... board books to Carly, and not much else. Sad day!  I did start Black Beauty with the boys at bedtime, and they are liking it so far.  At least I'm reading to the kids.  I am hopeful that since I'm done with Christmas cards and shopping, I'll finally be able to start my Winter Street series by Elin Hilderbrand. I'll keep you posted!

Working... super hard with the twins to make up for missing (or crappy) work on their progress reports.  It was a long week, with lots of extra writing and revising, but they both felt really good about the amount of effort they put in, and their teachers were satisfied as well.  Now to just get them to work that hard all the time, so we're not playing catch up later!

Enjoying... the magic of our elf on the shelf, and all that is holiday joy.  All three boys love waking up in the morning to see what Dashy has been up to in the night.  He has hung our underwear on the tree, brought cookies for the kids to take in their lunches and even decorated their bedroom with twinkle lights while they were at school yesterday.  They all really believe in him, and I'm so grateful they haven't stopped believing yet.
After we dropped the twins at a playdate yesterday, Wyatt and I drove around in the dark, checking out Christmas lights, and as we turned onto our street he said wistfully, "We sure do live in a nice neighborhood.  It's just full of holiday spirit."

Watching... The Big Sick for date night and really enjoying it, despite the medical setting.  I will admit that when it was over, I had a big cry (spoiler alert: the girl gets intubated for a lung infection) in Josh's arms about what happened with Wyatt (which was so similar), but I think I really needed that emotional release.  I posted some pictures of Wyatt's illness as well as some information I learned about what he went through on Facebook.  Basically what he had was called Status Asthmaticus, which is asthma that is unresponsive to treatment.  It can absolutely be life threatening, and because of that, he has been placed on a preventative asthma regimen that will continue for the next year, in hopes of avoiding a repeat of that scary day in the ER.

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