Let's Chat

Good morning!

Happy Friday!

It's been a while, so this hodge-podge post, with bits & pieces of everything should catch us up.  Grab your morning coffee, I'll slice you a piece of apple cake & let's chat!

Tuesday we spent two and a half hours at the clinic getting Logan, Wyatt and myself checked out.  We have all had coughs, Wyatt's being the worst, for about two weeks.  Logan and my lungs were clear, but Wyatt's are super junky, so he was given albuterol nebulizer treatments. 

Thankfully our friends Joe & Krista, who have four kiddos of their own, have a nebulizer on hand that they don't mind loaning out.

Wyatt has been really good about his treatments, and slowly he's getting better.

We are in full swing with homeschool, working into our seventh week back from Christmas break.  The twins' focus is back and their skills are constantly amazing Josh and I.

Reading in particular is going great.  They are sounding out words all over the place, on TV, in magazines and of course in our bedtime stories.  I am so proud of them.

 Their ability to read more has reignited their love for their Tag readers, and I love finding them listening and reading along all over the house.

We have so much more sunlight these days. It's very exciting. 

When Josh leaves for work in the mornings, I can see the sunlight peeking, barely, over the mountain out front, and it is so happy to me!  Our sunrise is at 9:14am and the sunset is at 6:50pm.  

The boys have been enjoying two new shows as of late. 

Wallykazaam

and

Sheriff Callie's Wild West

I particularly love Wallykazaam, pictured above, which teaches rhyming words, sounding out and other reading skills. The boys sit, shouting answers at the TV, Wyatt mimicking them, and it's so adorable.

My anxiety was bad Sunday, Monday & Tuesday.  But the rest of the week has been looking up, and this morning I feel more like myself than I have in months. I attribute this to a myriad of things, primarily exercising, counseling, and using my gratitude journal.

Having a few really good days gets me excited for a future that is anxiety-free, or at least less anxiety-filled!

This week I have been very focused on organizing the house.  Primarily I think I have been doing this to avoid doing the dishes... But whatever motivates us, right?!?

Jack and I worked very hard on the pantry and I was pleased with the results. It's much more user friendly, plus I have a better idea of what inventory I have.

Part of what spurred my kitchen organizing was placing a Span Alaska grocery order.  The school is placing an order, and if we place one at the same time, we can save on shipping, which is normal $1.63 per pound. (That adds up quick when you are ordering two 50lb. bags of flour, plus other groceries!)

So I needed an idea of what we had and what we needed, and the only way to do that was to jump in the deep end.  It's a painful process, but I am always so happy to have it done.

In addition to organizing the house, I've been working on re-reading Peaceful Parents, Happy Kids by Dr. Laura Markham.  Peaceful Parenting has been so good for our family, but is a challenge to my old ways, so I have to constantly remind myself how to better handle situations.  

The three basic tenets of the book are:

1. Regulate Yourself as a Parent

2. Foster a Connection with Your Child

3. Coach, don't Control

The hardest part for me is to slow down when I'm overwhelmed and take the time to listen to the boys, hear what they're saying (feeling) and acknowledge that.  It's also hard for me to keep my own temper in check and be the example they need.  Remembering to "breathe" and "choose love" also helps.

We also talk a lot, the boys and I, about how making mistakes simply means we get to try again. That's been as important for them as it has been for me.  Every morning we talk about our goals for the day- no hitting, no yelling, better listening, etc. -and we promise we're going to try our best to meet our goals and help each other remember.  We haven't "arrived" yet, but we're getting there!

If you remember, a while back, Jack's glasses lost a lens in the snow. Well, his new pair came this week, and I am overjoyed! We ordered him a different pair because we'd been so unhappy with his, and we made the right choice.  These ones stay on his face, right where they should be, and I can tell already his reading has improved with his eyesight.

In addition to organizing and peaceful parenting, we've also been potty training the last two weeks.  It's going pretty well, if slow, but I am confident Wyatt will catch on quickly.  His brothers are a huge help, asking constantly if he needs to go, and cheering when he does.

When he goes potty on his potty chair, he gets a candy corn, and let me tell you-- he loves those things! They are very motivating!

Josh is over half way done with his master's degree (he'll graduate in June) and I think we're both in shock that it's going so quickly!

This week someone from the district came in and recorded him teaching, so I got to see him in action. It was really fun to watch him, in his element, interacting with his students. It made me swell with pride.  He's so good at what he does.

This weekend he's hoping to go moose hunting.  The weather is supposed to be nice, and we'd really like some more moose meat in the freezer.  I'm hoping it's gorgeous so that while he's gone, the boys and I can play out.

Yesterday was a super productive day for me.  I gave the big boys haircuts and made apple cake with caramel frosting, both with great results!

I'm hoping today is productive as well. I have these piles on my computer desk that are driving me crazy, and I'd also like to write a few of my pen pals.

Lately, this little one wants a cat.  When we were skyping with Josh's mom earlier this week, she held her cat Wilbur so Wyatt could see it, and he goes, "Aww, look at that sweet cat! Can I have it?" We aren't interested in having pets out here, so his little beanie baby, named Angel, is going to have to do for now.

And finally, volume. Holy loudness!  My children are so incredibly loud. I am constantly amazed by the decibels reached during playtime.  Wyatt is into screaming lately, particularly screaming at his brothers.  I'm hoping it's just a phase... but with twin brothers, perhaps he's always going to need to be extra loud to be heard.

***

I hope your Friday is full of happy loudness, as I know mine will be!

Thanks for stopping by!

Conversations With a Five Year Old

Scene:
Flour covered mama, sleeves rolled up, wooden rolling pin in hand.
Son, on a chair pulled haphazardly over to the stove, watching as I roll tortillas.

I wanted to take advantage of my time alone with him (Wyatt was in the playroom and Logan was upstairs with Josh) so I told him I wanted to interview him.

Why do you think God made you a twin, but he didn't make Wyatt a twin?

I wanted Wyatt to be our twin, but there wasn't room in your belly for all of us.  So he came later.  But I wish he was our twin.

What makes you happy?

When you play the Cars game with me. (It's a memory game)
When I get to take a bath in your bath upstairs.  
And when Daddy wrestles me.

What do you think of Grandma Woo Woo?

(Grandma Woo Woo is my Grandma Pansy, their great grandmother. 
She makes this super cool train whistle that the kids all love, so she gained the nickname Woo Woo.)

I think she lives at the beach and she likes to send us money. That's nice.  We buy cereal with it at the store here.  We like that.  Especially Cocoa Pebbles.

What makes you upset?

When Logan doesn't listen to me. 
When he takes my toys.  
And when you yell at me.

---

Jack is my peacemaker, my helper, my tender spirit.  If I am overwhelmed, he steps in. If I need help, he offers it joyfully.  If I need a job done, a brother tended or an errand run, he's my man.  He'll happily fetch toilet paper from the upstairs linen closet, help his brother climb into his high chair or set the table for dinner.

He has empathy that surpasses his five years.  When Wyatt or Logan get upset, he always acquiesces whatever necessary to make them happy.  Want a different movie? Want the Lego creation he just built? No problem.  He's such a giving soul.  He hates when his brothers are upset.

He longs for alone time with Josh and I, and loves special time with Wyatt.  He likes to feel like a big kid, preferring to drink out of our large glasses, wanting to pour his own milk, and washing himself in the bath tub.

---

Jack struggles with school some days.  He wishes he had all the words memorized in reading, and hates to have to sound them out. It's getting better, but he loves when he can read fast, without sounding out.  Because of this, I've been adding little pieces to our homeschool routine to give him more practice.  

He tends to be easily distracted, and takes a long time to do his work independently while I'm working with Logan on his reading lesson.  But he is thorough, and his math skills are amazing. He knows right off the top of his head what most simple addition answers are.  But he has yet to master colors.

I wonder often if he and Logan are color blind. My dad is color blind, and it's an x-linked chromosomal abnormality. So it would pass from my dad, through me, to my boys.  They are too young for the color blind test at the eye doctors office to be conclusive.  I guess time will tell!

---

Earlier this week I was talking to Wyatt about whether he was a twin or not, and he insisted that he is. I told him he's not. That he's a singleton. Then I asked Jack if he ever wished he was a singleton, and he said, "No," shaking his head, "No.  That sounds really bad. You would be all alone. I like someone to be with me."

---

Last night when I went in his room to check him before bed, as I do every night before I turn in, I saw his hand wrapped around his sweet santa bear, his favorite stuffed animal friend, and I got choked up.  He's still a little boy.  He still has pride in his love for his bubba's.  He isn't embarrassed about sleeping with a teddy bear.  I want that to remain. Forever. I had the thought, "He won't always sleep with that," and it made me incredibly sad.  

I want to bottle up this time with him. 

Where he believes in magic, loves his stuffed animals and thinks I know all the answers.

***

Godspeed

 Today I woke up happily. 

I am sick-- my nose is running, my throat hurts and my ears feel muffled.  But I am happy.  I don't know if it's just being back in our routine, if it's working out, if it's the therapy, the prozac or the massive doses of vitamin D my doctor has me on... but to be honest, I really don't care about why I feel good. 

I'm just grateful I do.

While getting ready this morning I was listening to Dixie Chicks and their song, Godspeed (Sweet Dreams), came on, and it brought a tear to my eye. I feel so blessed to be these little boys' mother.  I feel so lucky to have children to make chicken nuggets for.  Children whose hair I get to wash.  Children whose cheeks I get to kiss goodnight, and whose arms wrap tight around my neck at bedtime.

***

Godspeed {Sweet Dreams}

Dixie Chicks

Dragon Tales and the water is wide

Pirates sail and lost boys fly

Fish bite moon beams every night

And I love you

Godspeed little man

Sweet dreams, little man

Oh my love will fly to you each night on angel's wings

Godspeed

Sweet dreams

The rocket racer's all tuckered out 

Superman's in pajamas on the couch

Goodnight moon, we'll find the mouse

And I love you

Godspeed little man

Sweet dreams, little man

Oh my love will fly to you each night on angel's wings

Godspeed

Sweet dreams

 God bless mommy and matchbox cars

God bless dad and thanks for the stars

God hears "Amen" wherever we are

And I love you

Godspeed little man

Sweet dreams, little man

Oh my love will to you each night on angel's wings

Godspeed

Godspeed

Godspeed

Sweet dreams

I love them so much sometimes it hurts.  When they are sad or hurting, I am sad and hurting.  When they are jealous or lonely, I am jealous and lonely.  But when they are excited... I am so excited! And when they are happy, I am so happy.

It really is like walking with my own heart outside my body.

Yet despite the pain,

I wouldn't trade it for the world.

***

Peaceful Parenting (+ Peaceful Life)

For me February has been January.

Which of course makes no sense.

*

It's just that in January I was pretty busy trying to get well.

So I did that work.

And now that it's February, and I'm feeling a bit better,

I'm pretending it's January, and doing all that 

"new-year cleaning/organizing/taking-back-the-house" 

stuff that is normally reserved for the post-Christmas weeks.

It feels amazing.

Josh had Monday off, so this weekend felt particularly long and luxurious.

We had date night Friday; Saturday Social, Family Movie Night & Girls Night on Saturday; and then I spent Sunday cleaning/organizing/purging the entire upstairs; and Monday doing it downstairs.

I deep cleaned and reorganized my bedroom: the bookshelf, the closet, the bedside tables, the dresser, and my jewelry box.  I also deep cleaned and reorganized the bathroom: hello shiny shower, toothpaste-free sink and splatter-free mirror!  And I finished organizing the linen closet which has been a work in progress.  Opening that door to see all my supplies in orderly stacks and piles is a breath of fresh air!

I managed to sweep & vacuum downstairs, as well as clean the bathroom down there, and deep clean the kitchen.  The fridge even got a nice wipe down and is now sparkling.

The twins helped me tackle their bedroom, sweeping, dusting, washing sheets and folding laundry.  Later this week I plan to tackle their closet, which is overwhelmed with outgrown clothes and holiday decorations.

Along with the physical cleaning and organizing, I have been working to get everything floating around in my mind onto paper. Mostly to-do list items, things I need to buy (ie shoes for the boys and new pajamas for the twins), and a weekly dinner menu.  I have also been writing down what activities I want to do with the boys during school and nap time.

Another mental organization I've been working on is my Peaceful Parenting goals.  These are perhaps the most daunting, but also the most exciting, because the more I put into practice what I've read, the more I see improvements in my boys' behavior and in how I feel as a parent.

I've brought it back to basics with my goals, and I think that's a good place to start.  

1. Special Time

The book is a huge proponent of spending special time each day with each of your kids. It sounds like a no-brainer, but I have seen what a huge difference ten minutes of "mommy to myself" time can make in my boys.  One on one time as well as hugs, kisses, snuggles, lots of listening and attempting to linger at bedtime when I can, have all made me feel more connected to my boys and vice versa.

I also find that saying yes makes them happier with me. Yes to playing together; Yes to reading; Yes to long baths; Yes to helpers in the kitchen... Some days it's easier than others, but when I can say yes, I am trying to!

2.  Use Time-Ins

Instead of sending them to their room or timeout for misbehavior, they come sit on my lap and talk through their emotions while I guide them in their problem solving.  I really try to see things from their perspective.  I am often surprised at what all I learn about a situation I thought I saw clearly, but knew nothing about in reality.  For Logan especially, whose temper runs hot, these time-ins tend to calm him more effectively than sending him off to deal with his big, scary emotions on his own.

3. No Yelling

I have been telling the boys, "We use our words not our bodies, and we use our words kindly"... So I guess this goes for the mommy, too. I have had successful days, even some weeks, where I've not yelled, but I've also had days where an hour hasn't passed where I'm not spitting their name "LOGANHENRY!" out of my very mouth as they continually disobey me.

...which brings us to #4:

4.  Forgive mistakes

I am teaching the boys that if we make a mistake, it just means we get to try again.  So when I mess up and yell, or send them to timeout, I apologize and tell them I will keep trying to achieve my Kind Mommy goal.

The biggest part of this was accepting that I am their example, and when I lose my temper, I am showing them that that's how we handle our disappointment or frustration.  

I found this quote particularly inspiring for my journey:

"We can't expect our children to be what we are not." 

-Barbara Sorrels

5. Build jobs into their routine

Now that the twins are five, getting dressed, brushing their teeth independently, vacuuming the rug, clearing the table after meals and making their own beds have become part of their daily routine.  I hope to add more chores as their skills increase.  The book encourages you to make the children part of the family team, and to give them opportunities to feel capable & helpful.  It's been really great for both the boys and myself!

Peaceful parenting has not been an easy journey, and I am about to read the book again (for the third time!) so I can refresh my memory of all her tips & advice, but it's one I can see paying off in how I feel at the end of a long day parenting these three boys.

Some days I forget that I had three kids in three years. That's something that not a lot of people do. And even less people do it on purpose. I am glad I have been able to cut myself some slack, but I am even more glad to have found a parenting method that puts my heart at ease and also sets the expectation for my boys to step up and be the kids I know they can be.  

Well, I am off to make some bread & tortillas for these boys who are eating me out of house & home!  Maybe in my next post I'll have some pictures of my newly clean/newly organized house!

***

whats on my mind + sledding + recent inspiration

This week we had some gorgeous days.

Two afternoons in a row, we had 28 degrees & sunshine.

 So naturally, we went sledding!

 The big boys can do it completely independently, which is awesome!

 And this time even Wyatt got in on the fun!

 He would hike up the hill in the sunshine and his brothers, dad or I would take his sled.

Then down he'd go, squealing.

 He went once with Jack, too.

 It was such a great way to spend a few afternoons.

 It felt so great to be out in the sunlight.

---

 The past two days for me have been really good days. And I'm so grateful.  Everyday I woke up this week facing my anxiety head on.  Thursday I "met" (we speak on the phone) with my counselor, and he is just amazing.

 He helped me this week looking at my dreams in a new light. I tend to wake up from bad dreams and it starts my days off on the wrong foot.  Now instead of thinking my bad dreams are fortune telling, I am trying to see what my dreams are showing me about what scares me.  What am I worrying about?  

Then my job is to address the concern, and let it go.

In the last two weeks I have dreamed:

That I had cancer

That Josh died

That I was in an airport that was going to get bombed

That I was pregnant with triplets

Pretty intense.

 In addition to changing my perspective of my dreams, I am also focusing very much on gratitude.  Every morning I am writing down three things I'm grateful for, and every evening I am writing down one happy memory of the day.  

My doctor has me on a Vitamin D treatment course to increase my levels which were low when she tested my blood back in January.  I am anxious to see if that will make a difference.

 Happy music, plenty of sleep & exercise are also helping.

 As is getting outside, talking with friends, and staying in the moment with my kids.

 Reading to the three of them at naptime is a new favorite past time.  The boys love to snuggle with me on the couch in my bedroom. Then the twins do silent reading while I rock Wyatt to sleep for his nap.

School is also going swimmingly.  We are four weeks into  our routine, and the boys' reading is amazing!  We are on Lesson 67 of our 100 Lesson book, and everyday they're sounding out new words.

Wyatt has adjusted to playing independently while we work, and we are all enjoying our morning routine of cartoons, followed by school, followed by lunch.

 During nap time I am trying to spend focused time with the twins, expanding on what we learned during school and just bonding together.

Afternoons are spent playing, doing crafts or getting out if the weather allows.

Personally I am doing a lot of organizing to celebrate the new year-- sorting through drawers, clothes and the like.  I am hoping to do more of it as I continue to feel better. 

 Right now just getting through the day with laundry going, dishes done and children fed feels like a small miracle. So I'm being gentle with myself.  But it's exciting to think that the better/happier I feel, the more energy I have.  And the more energy I have, the more I can get done.

 I finished A Week in Winter by Maeve Binchy.  It wasn't a fabulous book.  It was alright.  I am super excited to start the next few in my pile.  

Namely:

Me Before You by JoJo Moyes

Happier at Home by Gretchen Rubin

Unconditional Parenting by Alfie Kohn

 I also have a huge stack of magazines I'm hoping to get to.  And I'd like to work next week on some correspondence with my poor, neglected pen pals!

 In this season of motherhood, I am finding that I have to be very particular about where I spend my bits of free time.  For me the priority right now is pleasure reading and blogging. Which means house cleaning and the like are on hold.

Thankfully my husband is completely understanding about this, and doesn't mind if I blog instead of scrubbing toilets. I think we both know that this time will soon pass and we'll not be so bogged down in parenting and sleeplessness.

 Wyatt's been sleeping through the night like a champ, but that Logan of mine. He's up and in my room two or three times a night. I've tried bribing, threatening... anything & everything. Nothing seems to work. So now my approach is to spend plenty of time with him during his waking hours, talking about everything on his mind so he feels loved and cared for, and doesn't feel the need to seek me out in the midnight hour.

So far it's not changing things, but I have a good feeling that it will soon.

---

 Josh is off Monday, so I have asked him to please plan an activity with the boys so I can have a few hours to clean the house. Doing it without him around is just a nuisance, so I want to take advantage of his time at home and start the week with a clean slate, so to speak!

I can't wait to have sparkling toilets and toothpaste-free sinks!

Even if it does only last one day!

---

 Other than the mundane dealings of my own life as a stay-at-home mom homeschooling while struggling with anxiety, I have been continually thinking of this article since I read it.  It is heartbreaking and accurate and makes me wish I could snap my fingers and change some of those shocking statistics.

Nunam Iqua is another village in the Lower Yukon School District (LYSD) and one of 75 villages in rural Alaska that has no police force.  Marshall is one of those villages, so many of the facts presented in the article are true where we live as well.

---

 I am being inspired by these posts:

This one about "lingering"

This one about "real life" as a mom of littles

This one about the passage of time

This one about living simply, even in your closet

And this one about what life looks like as a stay-at-home-mumma

---

 Well, it's Saturday night,

so that means I have three little boys in jammies waiting for family movie night to start.

And I wouldn't miss it for the world.

So I will bid you adieu my sweet blog reading friends.

And I will wish for you a happy, restful weekend.

*

One final thought:

"Life shrinks or expands

in proportion to one's courage."

-Anais Nin